Breakfast Jokes And Puns

We didn’t need any egging on to bring you these funny breakfast jokes and puns! They’re definitely worth raising a toast to!

Header image for a page of funny breakfast jokes and puns.

Funny Breakfast Jokes

Every day at breakfast, I announce that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t.

It’s my longest running joke of the year.

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “Thank you” is all I need.

Not all this “How did you get in my house??!!!” business.

My little sister was reading the milk carton at breakfast.

“Dad, what does pasteurised mean?”

Dad picked up the milk carton.

“Well this is milk…”

He slowly moved the carton past my sister’s face.

“… and now it’s past-your-eyes-‘d milk”

Do you know why the French eat just one egg for breakfast?

Because in France, one egg is un ouef.

At breakfast, a man asked his wife, £What would you do if I won the lottery?”

She replied, “I’d take half, and then leave you.”

“Great,” he said. “I won $12 yesterday. Here’s $6. Stay in touch.”

“Can you make me breakfast in bed?” asked my wife.

I said, “No, I’ll have to go to the kitchen.”

Bacon and eggs walk into a bar…

The bartender says, “Get out of here! We don’t serve breakfast!”

My girlfriend usually has peanut butter toast for breakfast, but this morning we were out of bread, and she’s been grouchy all day.

I never knew she was lack-toast intolerant.

A man and his family walk into a bar.

Inside of the bar, the man’s youngest child sees a Native American sitting under a sign stating “World’s longest memory”.

The child walks up to sign and decides to test if this sign is true.

The child asks, “What did you have for breakfast 30 years ago?”

The Native American states, “Eggs.”

The child states that the native could have just made that up, and then later leaves the bar.

Years later, when the child returns back with his own family he sees the same native at the bar.

Walking up to the man, he states a stereotypical, “How!”

The Native replies, “Scrambled.”

My son was making breakfast for the first time and he distraughtly asked me, “How do you stop the sausages from curling in the pan?!”

I smiled and advised, “Well son, just take away their little brooms.”

I don’t mind breakfast in bed…

But I prefer it in a bowl.

NEWS: Chuck Norris has coronavirus…

For breakfast.

At breakfast, my wife: Honey, you forgot the French toast.

Me: Oops. Sorry. *raising glass* VIVE LA FRANCE!

I told my girlfriend I was going to make breakfast soon…

Her: What’s for breakfast?

Me: That’s after three breakfast.

What do iPhones eat for breakfast?

Siri-al.

My favorite Christmas breakfast is Eggs Benedict served on a hubcap.

There’s no place like chrome for the hollandaise.

What did the thesaurus eat for breakfast?

Synonym buns.

What do cats eat for breakfast?

Mice krispies.

I’ve just discovered the Cantonese culture of doing maths in a dark room at breakfast.

Apparently they enjoy dim sums in the morning.

What is a dog’s favorite breakfast?

Woofles.

Where does Clark Kent put his breakfast?

In a super bowl.

I went to a haunted bed and breakfast in France.

That place was giving me the crêpes.

What do jokesters eat for breakfast?

Pun-cakes.

My family complains that I never talk during breakfast because I still read a newspaper.

You could say… I’m behind The Times.

What do ships eat for breakfast?

Boatmeal.

Growing up, breakfast was a thin porridge, lunch was rice soup, and dinner was ground oats.

It was a grueling experience.

What did Salvidor Dali have for breakfast?

A bowl of surreal.

Why was breakfast so sad?

It was in mourning.

What do electricians eat for breakfast?

Ohmelete.

What breakfast did pilots of the German Airforce eat during WWII?

Luftwaffles.

I want to open a Jamaican-Spanish-Irish small plates breakfast joint.

I’m going to call it “Tapas the Morning to Jah”.

What do cannibals eat for breakfast?

Captain Crunch.

What would you say if you had breakfast with the Pope?

Eggs, Benedict?

Two guys were eating breakfast together:

“Do you want some of my bacon?”

“No thanks I’m Jewish.”

“Don’t worry, it’s free.”

Two older couples were having breakfast.

Old man 1: We went to the best restaurant last night

Old man 2: What’s its name?

Old man 1: Oh, I have such a terrible memory. What’s that red flower?

Old man 2: Carnation?

Old man 1: No, the one with the thorns.

Old man 2: Rose?

Old man 1: That’s it. (turns to his wife) Hey Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?

My wife and I are following a Ketogenic, low carb diet plan, but this morning I cheated and had a donut for breakfast.

Oddly enough, when I came clean during dinner this evening, she seemed only upset about the pastry and not at all that I had slept with another woman.

A German boy never uttered a single word growing up.

Then, one day, aged 5, while sitting at breakfast, he looked up from his plate and said in perfect German, “The toast is burnt.”

The family were amazed. “You can speak, that’s amazing, why have you never spoken until now?”

He replied, “There was nothing wrong until now.”

A wife was making breakfast for her husband when he ran into the kitchen with an alarmed expression.

“TURN ‘EM EGGS!! TURN’EM BEFORE THEY BURN!!!”

“GOOD LORD, WE ARE GOING TO NEED MORE BUTTER!!! GET IT! GET IT!!! DAMN THEY ARE GOING TO STICK!!!”

The wife looked at him with a puzzled expression and continued.

“HOLY SHIT! NOT SO MUCH SALT AND PEPPER!!! JUST A BIT!! YOU WILL RUIN THEM!!!”

The wife turned around and shouted, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

“Nothing”, replied the husband in a calm and even tone. “Just wanted to give you an idea of what it’s like when I am driving with you by my side.”

An old man is eating some breakfast at a diner when three bikers walk in.

The first biker puts out his cigarette in the old man’s pancakes.

The second biker spits out his tobacco in the old man’s coffee.

The third biker takes the entire meal and shoves it off the table.

The old man, without saying so much as a word, gets up, pays the waitress, and exits the diner. The bikers laugh and sit at the old man’s table. “Not much of a man, was he?” says one of the bikers.

“Not much of a driver either,” says the waitress. “That man just drove his 16-wheeler over three bikes.”

My girlfriend and I have started eating our breakfast baps upside down.

It’s a roll reversal.

More Funny Jokes

If you enjoyed these hilarious jokes and puns about breakfast, check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these: