Tea Jokes And Puns

We’ve been brewing these funny tea jokes and puns and finally, here they are! You’re sure to find them hilarious; after all jokes are our special-tea here at LaffGaff!

Header image for a page of funny tea jokes and puns.

Funny Tea Jokes

What tea do rich people buy?


My wife left me because she thinks I’m too insecure.

No wait, she’s back. She just went to make a cup of tea.

Waiter: Excuse me, sir, would you care for a tea or coffee?

Me: Sure, how often will I have to feed it?

I am pretty good at making an Earl Grey.

It’s my special tea.

Why did the hipster burn his tongue?

Because he drank his tea before it was cool.

How does Moses make tea?

Hebrews it.

An Englishman, a Scottish man, and an Irish man all walk into a pub with their wives.

They all sit down and order a cup of tea.

The Englishman looks to his wife and says, “Could you pass the honey, honey?”

The Scottish man thinks to himself how clever that was, then turns to his wife and says, “Could you pass the sugar, sugar?”

The Irish man, not wanting to be outwitted by the other two men, looks over at his wife and says, “Could you pass me the milk ye cow?”

How do you turn a T into a P?

Drink it.

What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?

Boo tea.

My wife said she’s breaking up with me because of my obsession with rhyming.

I nearly choked on my tea, what terrible timing.

What does an English pimp do after having tea and crumpets?

Tally Hoes.

What happened when Steve Miller drank a cup of herbal tea in his time machine?

Thyme kept on sipping…sipping..sipping..into the future.

What is a pirate’s favorite tea to drink in the spring?

May tea.

I once mistook somebody’s drink for mine.

It was definitely not my cup of tea.

I call my kettle Jim Carey.

Because he brews all my tea.

Why did the homeless man only drink coffee?

He had no proper tea.

What types of tea do the English soccer team not enjoy?


Why don’t I like coffee?

Because it’s not my cup of tea.

The tea and coffee are married, but the tea leaves.

Does that give the coffee grounds for divorce?

Why doesn’t Karl Marx like Earl Grey?

Because all proper tea is theft.

What do the English use to blow up their enemies?

Tea ‘N’ Tea.

What kind of tea hits the hardest?


Magician: Hello, I can make everything disappear.

Tom: Make my tea disappear.

Magician: Okay I will.

Om: You‘re not a good magician, my tea’s still here.

How does Jesus make tea?

He brews it.

I like my coffee how I like my tea…

Like my coffee.

Drinking a stranger’s cup of tea…

Is really not my cup of tea.

What is a web developer’s favourite tea?

URL Grey.

Why did the coffee get in trouble?

Because it was not tea.

What kind of tea do indecisive people drink?


Why do Marxists only drink decaf tea?

Because proper tea is theft.

My girlfriend and I were arguing about whether tea or coffee is superior.

She said tea will always be there to comfort you.

I said…

Tea leaves.

What does a martial arts expert drink?


The other day I drank a new kind of tea that is made by steeping a book in hot water.

Probably won’t have it again.

It was just a novel tea.

Did you hear about the Native American who drank too much tea?

He drowned in his tea pee.

My first date with an emergency department nurse was…

A casual tea.

Why can’t the guy who does inventory for Lipton go out and have a beer after work?

Because he is a tea-totaller.

How much trash do you have to throw in the ocean to make a new country?

None, just some tea.

What is an environmentalist’s favourite type of tea?


What type of tea can you have without anyone noticing?


What is the most honest kind of tea?


What is an OSHA officer’s favorite tea?

Safe tea.

Ever go to buy a friend a really nice tea-set…

And realize the cost was too steep?

What kind of tea did the shellfish drink?

Pearl Grey.

I spilled Thai tea on my lap…

Now my undies are Thai tea whiteys.

I heard that there’s an Australian tea harvested from the tops of Eucalyptus trees.

It’s pretty high koala tea.

What do you call a teapot with nothing in it?


I went into the kitchen and saw a hurricane making a pot of tea.

I thought hmm, there’s a storm brewing.

What should you do if Russia’s president offers you tea?

Never drink it. You never know what he Putin there.

I have mastered the art of brewing tea.

It is now my special tea.

What kind of tea did the American colonists want?


What do you call a tea that looks really good?

A hottie.

What does batman add to his tea?

Just ice.

Why is coffee not appropriate to eat with crumpets in England?

Because its considered not-tea.

Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.

The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed.

He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.

After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke.

He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes.

The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it, “Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please.”

His friends laugh at the joke, until there is a knock on the door.

The receptionist brings a tea pot.

His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep.

After a good night’s rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone.

Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went.

The nervous receptionist whispers that the KGB came and took them before dawn.

The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared.

The receptionist responds, “Well, comrade major did quite like your tea joke.”

A man would experience severe pain in his eye every time he drank tea.

He went to his doctor, who referred him to an eye specialist.

They performed every test possible, but found nothing wrong with his eye.

Since the pain was still persistent, he showed a number of specialists, had every test done on him, consulted quacks, and all to no result.

He still felt excruciating pain whenever he had tea.

Finally, he decides to visit an old sage.

The sage sits him down and pours him some tea.

As soon as he takes a sip, he feels the pain again.

The sage sets his own cup on the table, and quietly says, “Next time you drink tea, remember to remove the spoon from the cup.”

A lady went to a tea shop and ordered a cup of tea.

She had a sip, and realized that it was amazing!

She asked the owner of the place, “Wow! Your tea tastes great! Why is it so good?”

The owner replied, “Thanks! It’s my special tea!”

More Funny Jokes

If you enjoyed these hilarious puns and jokes about tea, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, including these:

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