Pizza Jokes

Whichever way you slice them, these funny pizza jokes and puns just can’t be topped! So come on and get a pizza the laughter action right now!

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Funny Pizza Jokes And Puns

Nothing tops a plain pizza.

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night.

I should have put it on aloha setting.

I called my wife and told her I’d pick up pizza and coke on my way back home from work, but she’s not happy.

She still regrets letting me name the twins.

What’s the difference between a musician and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

What do you call a pizza with just peppers on it?

A pepper only pizza.

What do you call a Satanist who only eats low-carb pizza?

The anti-crust.

As I was preparing to leave Pizza Hut the waitress asked me, “Do you wanna a box for the rest of your pizza?”

I said, “No thanks, but I’ll wrestle you for it.”

My local pizza place just folded.

Now they serve calzones.

What did the Romans use to cut their pizza?

Little Caesars.

You order one pizza and you love it.

Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread.

Before you know it, you’re eating pizzas for every meal and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don’t get one.

That’s the Domino effect.

Thank God we don’t need to hunt for food anymore.

I mean, I have no idea where pizzas live in the wild.

A pizza walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner.

They picked pizza.

Then I made tacos because they don’t live in a swing state.

How do you get a philosophy major off of your front porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

Did you hear about the Italian chef?

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I feel horrible, he just ran out of thyme.

I am sending olive my love to his friends. His wife is really upset too. Cheese crying. He died fusilli reasons. I never sausage a tragic situation.

It was a farfalle from grace.

I asked the waiter if my pizza would be long.

He said, “No sir, it’ll be round.”

I went to the doctor and he told me: “Don’t eat anything fatty.”

I asked: “What like pizzas or burgers?”

He replied: “No fatty. Just don’t eat anything.”

Today, a friend of mine had to go to the hospital because he ate a pizza.

My pizza.

My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen, and my girlfriend is pregnant.

I can’t pull anything out in time!

A Buddhist walks into a pizza parlour.

He says, “Make me one with everything.”

I got pizza for everyone the day I started my new job as manager.

It was my first order of business.

Did I tell you my pizza joke?

Oh, you probably wouldn’t like it. It’s pretty cheesy.

I deliver pizzas.

Just in case you don’t like liver.

I only added a few toppings on my pizza.

There wasn’t mushroom.

The funniest part of any pizza joke…

Is the delivery.

What did one Italian say to another when fighting?

“You wanna pizza me?”

How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?

He ate the pizza before it was cool.

I was going to get a pizza delivered.

Then I realized pizzas don’t have livers.

Did you hear about the Italian chef who joined the army?

He wanted a pizza the action.

What’s the relationship between people buying pizza and people selling it?

They both want each other’s dough.

What’s the worlds saddest pizza?

Pepperlonely.

I just burned a thousand calories in twelve minutes!

I forgot I had a pizza in the oven.

What do you call a pizza store in the Caribbean?

Jack Sbarro.

Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness?

He pastaway.

Cannoli do so much.

Now hes just a pizza history.

A blonde walks into a takeaway and asks the woman behind the counter, “Can I have a pepperoni pizza please?”

The woman states, “Ma’am this is a library.”

The blonde whispers, “Oh sorry, can I have a pepperoni pizza please?”

What did the Italian man have for dinner?

A little pizza this and a little pizza that.

How does good King Wenceslas like his pizza?

Deep pan, crisp, and even.

Why did the pizza-maker ask for a raise?

He kneaded more dough.

Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at the Theatre of Pompey

Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?

Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice…

Brutus: I ate 2 slices.

Julius: Ate two, Brute?

A new CEO takes over at a struggling company and decides to get rid of all the slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall.

He can’t believe this guy would just stand around on the job. The new CEO walks up to the guy leaning against the wall and asks, “What are you doing here?”

“I’m just waiting to get paid,” responds the man.

Furious, the CEO asks, “How much money do you make a week?”

A little surprised, the young fellow replies, “I make about $300 a week. Why?”

The CEO quickly gets out his check book, hands the guy a check made out to cash for $1,200 and says, “Here’s four weeks’ pay, now get out and don’t come back.”

The man puts the check in his pocket and promptly walks out.

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looks around the room and asks, “Does anyone want to tell me what just happened here?”

From across the room comes a voice, “Yeah, you just tipped the pizza delivery guy $1,200.”

What’s the hardest part of making a vegan pizza?

Skinning the vegan.

What do you call a pizza joint run by epileptic small people?

Little Seizure’s.

How do you make a musician’s car more aerodynamic?

You take the pizza delivery sign off.

What kind of eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie?

That’s a Moray.

After many years of studying art at a university, I’ve finally become a PhD.

Or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it.

When we make pizza at home it’s my wife’s job to shred the cheese.

She’s the gratist.

The volume of a pizza with thickness a and radius z is:

Pi * z * z * a.

I cut my pizza into 7 bits.

I haven’t had a byte yet.

I murdered the pizza delivery man for messing up my order and had to cover it up.

I ordered another pizza to calm my nerves and the second delivery man noticed the body, so I had to kill him too.

Now I feel even more nervous so I ordered yet another pizza.

I think it’s starting to become a Domino effect.

Why did Medusa order pizza?

Her boyfriend was stoned.

When I bought pizza today my hands started to spasm.

You could say I got Little Seizures.

An ambulance is like a pizza delivery.

If they’re late the delivery ends up cold.

I have a joke about pizza and a broken pencil.

Unfortunately it’s cheesy and pointless.

I looked out of my window in horror yesterday as a crowd gathered around a crashed motorcyclist.

I rushed outside yelling, “Let me through, let me through.”

A man at the front said, “Thank God for that, are you a doctor?”

I said, “No, that’s my pizza.”

“You have a very rare and extremely contagious condition,” the doctor told his patient. “We’re going to have to put you in an isolation unit where you’ll be on a diet of pancakes and pizza.”

“Will the pancakes and pizza cure my condition?” asked the patient.

“No,” replied the doctor. “They’re the only things we can slip under the door.”

What’s the difference between pizza and my pizza jokes?

My pizza jokes can’t be topped.

More Funny Jokes

If these funny pizza jokes and puns didn’t sate your appetite for laughter, check out the rest of LaffGaff where we serve up lots more funny food jokes and puns, such as these: