We’ve published our collections of really bad puns and funny puns for kids and adults before, but we know you’re like us and just can’t get enough punny jokes! So we’ve gathered together another bumper collection of hilarious puns just for you.
Enjoy these punny jokes…
I’ve decided I need to quit my job as a personal trainer because I’m not big enough or strong enough.
I’ve just handed in my too weak notice.
Did you hear about the pessimist who hates German sausage?
He always fears the Wurst.
I thought my dad had wasted all his savings on an expensive wig.
But one look and I realized it was a small price toupee.
My friend Steve drowned, so at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt.
Well, it’s what he would have wanted.
Will glass coffins be a success?
Remains to be seen.
What do you call someone who only eats tiny bits of other people?
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks.
I’m addicted to ordering hatchets from other countries because of the smell.
I love foreign axe scents.
I tried to sue the airline for misplacing my luggage.
I lost my case.
When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When it’s fully groan.
What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?
I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It’s a complex complex complex.
Sundays are always a little sad, but…
The day before is a sadder day.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure?
A waist of time.
What do you call a fictional country?
What do you call a car that’s covered in leaves?
Where did Noah keep his bees?
In the Ark hives.
What do you call someone who can eat candy corn with both hands?
The guy who invented throat lozenges died last week.
There was no coffin at the funeral.
What did Delaware?
Maybe a New Jersey? I don’t know, but Alaska.
Three men are on a boat one day. They all smoke and they’ve got four cigarettes but nothing to light them with.
So they throw one of the cigarettes overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
What did the assassin do when he was hungry?
I prefer to have my milk churned.
It’s butter that way.
A Mexican magician told his audience that he would disappear on the count of three.
He went, “Uno, dos…”
And POOF! He disappeared without a tres.
Who can drink 2 liters of gasoline?
I, for one, like Roman numerals.
Why is it always a bad idea to play hide and seek with mountain ranges?
A boy was born who had Indian, Chinese, Irish and Italian grandmothers.
They couldn’t decide on a name for him.
Then it hit them…
They called him Ravi O’Lee.
What do you call a computer mouse that swears?
I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.
Someone was killed with a starting pistol today.
Police think it may be race-related.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift.
But I couldn’t find a manual.
Somebody just threw a jar of mayonnaise at me.
I was like, “What the Hellman!”
Just got the perfect tool for making a good Indian flat bread.
It’s a naan stick pan.
Where do robots go for fun?
I just got kicked out of Karaoke night for singing “Danger Zone” six times in a row.
They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts.
I’m positive I just lost an electron.
Better keep an ion that.
Why was the little ink drop crying?
Because his mother was in the pen and he didn’t know how long the sentence would be.
What happened when the semi-colon broke grammar laws?
He was given two consecutive sentences.
My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience.
The second time let me down.
A man goes to a costume party with nothing but a naked woman on his back.
“What are you supposed to be, then?” the confused host asks.
“I’m a turtle,” the man replies.
“What a load of rubbish!” the host says. “How can you be a turtle when all you’ve got is that naked woman on your back?”
“Oh her?” the man smiles. “That’s just Michelle!”
What do you call an angsty teenage robot?
A sigh borg.
Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied?
Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham.