These wizard Harry Potter puns and jokes are truly magical. They could make even the stoniest of stony faces laugh and are bound to cast a spell. So enjoy them!
38 Harry Potter Puns & Jokes
What do you call a postal carrier that can speak to packages?
A parcel tongue.
What kind of laugh does Newt Scamander make?
I liked the Harry Potter books and movies but …
I just feel like the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.
You don’t get my Harry Potter jokes?
There must be some thing RON with you.
Harry Potter puns can Slytherin to any conversation.
Harry can’t tell the difference between his potion’s pot and his best friend…
They’re both cauldron.
What’s Harry Potter’s favorite way of getting down a hill?
(I don’t know)
Why doesn’t Voldemort have glasses?
If there’s a snowstorm this winter, I hope meteorologists will call it Harry just so we can say, “You’re a blizzard, Harry!”
Why was Harry Potter sent to the office?
Because he was cursing in class.
What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord?
How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash?
If a wizard gets robbed by a Muggle, has he been Muggled?
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Why does Voldemort only use Twitter and not Facebook?
Because he only has followers, not friends.
What did the comedian say to Harry Potter?
Why so Sirius?
We all know Tom Riddle is the Heir of Slytherin but Medusa is the Hair of Slytherin.
How do Death Eaters freshen their breath?
Why was Harry Potter arrested?
Because he made fun of someone on Snape Chat.
Have you heard about the new book about Dumbledore being gay?
Never mind, it hasn’t come out yet.
I named my lizard “Harry” just so I can say, “You’re a lizard Harry!”
If your boyfriend looks like Oliver Wood, he’s probably a keeper.
Why did Barty Crouch Jr. quit drinking?
Because it was making him Moody.
What do you call the entrance to a magical gym?
A Dumbbell door.
I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light-hearted.
The fifth one was dead Sirius.
I taught my son speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.
I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.
How much does it cost to watch Harry Potter play his favorite sport?
A quid each.
Hagrid cremates Harry Potter and throws his ashes into a snowstorm.
“You’re a blizzard, Harry”
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You’re a wizard, dad!
I’m trying to write an unoffical Harry Potter book about Platform 9 and 3/4.
But I feel like I’m hitting a wall.
I thought my roommate was joking when he said Gary Oldman was in the Harry Potter movies.
He was dead Sirius.
My girlfriend and I were watching the Harry Potter movies back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV.
The Great Hall from Harry Potter is so massive it can fit 4 houses in it.
What do you call the common cold when Ron Weasley gets it?
A ginger ail.
Harry Potter has way too many characters.
Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.
Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter to be president?
Because they didn’t want to elect Ron.
Harry Potter movies should be rated R for the huge amount of cursing.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how obsessed with the Harry Potter Series am I?
I’ve started a Harry Potter themed food blog.
Fantastic Feasts and Where to Find Them.