Funny Puns

What do you call a detective electrician?

Sherlock Ohms.

What’s it called when you kill chickpeas?

Hummuside.

After being holed up in the house due to Covid-19, my wife has started having this weird nightmare that our house is made of celery.

Doctors are calling it stalk home syndrome.

Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.

But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.

Why did Chewbacca crash the Millennium Falcon the first time he flew it?

It was a Wookie mistake.

I told my carpenter I didn’t want carpeted steps.

He gave me a blank stair.

What do you call James Bond taking a bath?

Bubble 07.

Jack: How’s it going?

Beans: Pretty good.

Jack and the beans talk.

I’m allergic to bread but eat it anyway.

I’m a gluten for punishment.

What do you call a bearded vase maker?

Hairy potter.

Why did The Joker have to sleep with his lights on?

Because he was afraid of the Dark Knight.

What do you say to a woman who has given birth to members of the military?

Thank you for your cervix.

My friend told me that beer would make him smarter.

But I don’t think that anything would make my Budweiser.

Not many people know that almost all garden gnomes have red hats.

It’s a little gnome fact.

Walking down the road last night, I passed an apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.

I thought to myself, “The streets are strangely desserted tonight.”

I just sat on the sharp corner of my hardcover copy of Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte.

Now I’ve got a Bronte sore ass.

English puns make me feel numb.

But math puns make me feel number.

Bad puns are how eye roll.

While most puns make me feel numb…

Math puns make me feel number.

Pun enters a room, kills 10 people.

Pun in, 10 dead.