These programming and programmer jokes and puns are more than a bit funny! They certainly have class and we’re sure you won’t object to them (C what we did there?)!
Funny Programmer Jokes
As a programmer, waking up is the 0th thing I do every morning.
A programmer gets sent to the store by his wife.
His wife says, “Get a gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get a dozen.”
The programmer returns home with 13 gallons of milk and says, “They had eggs.”
Why do programmers wear glasses?
Because they can’t C#.
What does a programmer wear?
Whatever is in the dress code.
What do spanish programmers code in?
Sí ++.
A programmer was arrested for writing unreadable code.
He refused to comment.
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a señor developer.
A programmer got stuck in the shower because…
The instructions on the shampoo bottle said: “Lather, Rinse, Repeat.”
If you’re paid to code, you’re a programmer.
But if it’s just a hobby…
Are you just a grammer?
A programmer and his colleagues attempt to enter a restaurant.
Amidst their chatting, one of them approaches the receptionist:
“Table for 8, please.”
“Are you sure, sir?” she replied. “I can see there are actually 9 of you here.”
“What? No, you’re mistaken. We’re 8 people, look.”
He turns around, and begins doing a head count:
“0, 1, 2, 3…”
Why did the C++ programmer do so well at his new job as a packaging and design engineer?
Because he was very good at orienting objects.
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, that’s a hardware issue.
Why do programmers like dark mode?
Because light attracts bugs.
What kind of dogs do programmers have?
Computer Labs.
Why don’t programmers like nature?
There’s too many bugs.
Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.
Which way did the programmer go?
He went data way.
Why did the programmer’s girlfriend leave him?
He had problems committing.
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct.
But out of nowhere..
I was fried for no raisin.
Why was the programmer always running into walls?
He couldn’t C#.
What you call it when computer programmers make fun of each other?
Cyber boolean.
My programmer husband insists he has to be the one to change the channel.
He has a lot experience working remote.
My friend quit his job as a programmer…
He didn’t get arrays.
Why did the programmer apply for the job as a plastic surgeon?
He heard they needed help with back end development.
Spiders are excellent programmers.
They’re just so great at debugging.
What language is most commonly used by programmers?
Vulgar.
Why did the programmer stop working?
He decided to rest a bit.
Why did the VB programmer send back the desk he ordered online?
The box said, “Some assembly required.”
Why are communists bad Java programmers?
They don’t like classes.
Why did Sharon Stone give up on programming her C64?
Apparently she didn’t have the BASIC instinct.
Why are programmers so good at dancing?
They have great algorithm.
A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.
One full of water in case he gets thirsty and an empty one in case he doesn’t.
Old programmers never die.
They just don’t C as well.
What does a programmer’s ghost say?
Bool!
What do you call a group of programmers?
An argument.
I just made money for the first time as a programmer…
I sold my laptop.
Did you hear about the computer programmer who was strung out on cough syrup?
He had a major codeine problem.
A programmer is working on the software for a cash register computer at a convenience store.
He finally thinks he got it done and tests a few items. Scans a gallon of milk:
$2.50
Perfect. How about this bag of beef jerky?
$4.99
Excellent. 20 oz soda?
$1.59
Perfect. How about this box of cigarettes?
ERROR
Huh? Maybe try this can of snuff?
ERROR
Heck!
So he looks through the code again, making sure he checked every parenthesis and spelled every function correctly.
He checks. Double checks. Triple checks. Finally, he sees the problem.
It was a sin tax error.
Journalist to programmer: What makes code bad?
Programmer: No comment.
A doctor and a programmer both like the same woman.
Every day, the doctor brings her a flower, while the programmer brings her an apple.
Eventually, she chooses to go out with the programmer.
Outraged, the doctor asks the programmer why he brought her apples.
The programmer responds, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.”
How are programmers and cats alike?
They both can sit in the same position for long time and get excited when they find a bug.
As a programmer, I would make a UDP joke.
But you might not get it.
A HTML developer was walking down the street when he was greeted by a donkey.
“Hello Mr Programmer,” the donkey said, “How are you?”.
“Mighty fine, thank you donkey,” the HTML dev replied.
Immediately the donkey started crying.
“What’s the matter little friend?” the HTML dev asked.
“I called you a programmer, at least you could call me horse,” the donkey bawled.
A programmer began to cuss,
Because getting to sleep was a fuss.
When laying in her bed,
Looping round in her head,
Was: while (!asleep()): sheep++;
Why don’t programmers go on panty raids?
Because they get undie find errors.
What’s a programmer’s favorite drug?
Codeine.
A programmer gets upset when he hears women shouldn’t be objectified…
He demands, “Are you suggesting women are primitives?”
Why are C programmers never invited to parties?
They have no class.
Who was the Windows programmer’s favorite hip-hop group?
Run-CMD.
What do programmers do when they’re hungry?
They grab a byte.
Programmer: “Honey, you’re my number one…”
Wife: “Oh, really!? Well who’s your number zero, you cheat!”
More Funny Jokes
If you enjoyed our hilarious puns and jokes about programmers and programming, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these:
