Retail Jokes And Puns

We thought we’d let you check out these funny retail jokes and puns! We’re sure they’ll gain purchase and you’ll be sold on them!

Header image for a page of funny retail jokes and puns.

Funny Retail Jokes

What’s the difference between retail workers and turkeys?

We let the turkey rest on Thanksgiving.

After working retail I’ve discovered that there are two types of people in the world…

Those who can read signs, and customers.

Where do lizards go to fix their fallen tails?

The retail store.

Retailers be like, remember everyone…

Black Friday matters.

The ghost of a dog with no tail walks into a bar after closing time.

The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t retail spirits after hours.”

A man wanted to buy a good insecticide.

“Is this good for wasps ?” a man asked the retailer.

“No, it kills them” the retailer replied.

I’m apparently really attractive to retail workers.

The cashiers check me out every time I go shopping.

Due to lack of protective measures during the pandemic, retail cashiers and bank tellers are refusing to go to work.

It’s a counter strike.

Every time I go into a retail store, I always want to buy an item separator.

But the cashier keeps putting them back.

A group of thieves are going to retail stores and are stealing clothes by sizes.

Police say they are still at large.

Why didn’t the store let the man return the hand soap he’d purchased?

It was anti-back-to-retail soap.

Retailers have pulled all the Darth Vader toys from their shelves…

Apparently they are a choking hazard.

Everything was half off at the retail store today.

It really cheapened the experience.

Did you hear that the largest online retailer started selling steaks?

Amazon Prime Rib.

I’ve got a job selling new tails to animals that lose them.

I work in retail sales.

I’ve worked both restaurant and retail jobs, and honestly I think I prefer retail jobs.

Only in retail can you drop something on the floor in front of the customer, and continue to try and sell it to them.

You know what they say: If you’ve seen one retail job…

Then you’ve seen the mall.

If you login to Amazon and other retailers websites for Thanksgiving sale, you may save up to 70%.

But if you don’t login, you’ll save 100%.

I got a Red Riding Hood hood for 60% off.

I guess you call that a fair retail.

I asked a tailor to hem my jeans.

He did a bad job of it so I ended having to go to the retailer.

I work at a retail store and two guys stole a calendar.

They both got 6 months.

It’s like I’ve always said, if you’ve seen one collection of retail outlets under one roof…

You’ve seen a mall.

I have now stolen 56 copies of the board game “Risk” from local retailers.

When they eventually catch me, I’ll say “Life is all about taking Risks.”

How do you cheer up a puppy that’s lost its tail?

Retail therapy.

Why did the bacteria lose its job in retail?

Because it only had one cell.

What do you get if you shred a PlayStation 5’s retail packaging?

An ex-box.

What is a Pirate’s favourite section in retail?

Health and booty.

A heavily pregnant woman goes into labor in a retail store.

A crowd gathers around her as people struggle to help, or at least make her comfortable.

Panicked a man looks around and asks “Is anyone here a doctor?!”

From the crowd steps a man wearing skinny jeans and a plaid shirt, with short, neat hair and a scruffy beard. “I’m a vegan!”

Why don’t you want to be sad at a retail store?

You’d be at the lowest of Lowe’s.

If I was the owner of a retail store…

I’d put the torches in the darkest part of the shop.

Jokes About Retail

If you enjoyed these puns and jokes about retail, check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these:

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