We certainly don’t need to give these funny sales jokes and puns the hard sell! They’re so hilarious you’re sure to buy into them and all for the bargain price of free!
Funny Sales Jokes
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.”
I thought to myself, “I can’t turn that down!”
The store near me is having a sale on batteries.
If you buy two packs, they’ll throw in a pack of dead ones, free of charge.
I saw male wigs on sale for $1 today.
It’s a small price toupee.
Used vacuum cleaner for sale.
I don’t need it anymore. All it does is collect dust.
I saw an ad that read: “Guitar for sale, only $1, no strings attached.”
Did you hear about the big Lego sale?
People were lined up for blocks.
I have some racing geese for sale.
Let me know if you wanna take a quick gander.
For sale, barely used DeLorean.
Only driven from time to time.
A sales guy rings the doorbell on a house, and the door is opened by a 12 year old, holding a glass of cognac and smoking a cigar.
The sales guy is a bit stunned, but ploughs forward and asks, “Is your dad home?”
The kid replies, “What do you think?”
When do you buy a ship?
When it’s on sale.
An artist talks to his curator about his recent sales
Artist: “So? Did I sell anything?”
Curator: “You won’t believe this: a man came by and asked if the value of the paintings will rise after the artist’s death. I told him that I think so. So he bought the entire gallery.
Artist: “Wow! That’s great! who was he?”
Curator: “It was your doctor.”
Broken puppets for sale.
No strings attached.
I don’t understand why record stores are failing.
They have record sales every year.
Green chameleon for sale…
No, a red one.
No wait, a pink one.
Never mind, I’m keeping it!
Well It’s 1 For the Money, 2 For the Show, 3 To Get Ready…
4 For Sales,
5 For Customer Service or,
6 to hear these options again.
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
“Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”
“Go away!” said the old lady. “I’m broke and haven’t got any money!” and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
“Don’t be too hasty!” he said. “Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.”
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
“If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.”
The old lady stepped back and said, “Well let me get you a fork, ’cause they cut off my electricity this morning.”
What do you call a ship that’s 50% off?
A sale boat.
Sales are down, so my boss asked why the greeting cards aren’t moving.
I told him it’s because they are stationary.
I should have known the cemetery sale was a scam.
I mean, it was a dead giveaway.
I asked the toy store sales assistant if they had any Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures in store.
She replied, “Aisle B, back”.
I went to the candle store today.
They were having a blowout sale.
Did you hear cheese and meat sales have gone up in India?
Apparently there is a New Delhi.
For Sale: Slightly used chewing gum.
Near mint condition!
For Sale: Broken quiz machine.
No questions asked.
I started a successful enterprise building yachts in my attic.
Sales are through the roof.
I went to a church yard sale looking for a grill.
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
An amputee found a cheap artificial arm for sale on Ebay.
It was second hand.
I bought a 3 foot ruler today.
I picked it up at a yard sale.
1 acre of land for sale, no house.
That’s a lot.
I’ve got a dead budgie for sale.
It’s not going cheep.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a sarcophagus.
They walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says, “We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale.”
The salesman asks, “You’re not looking for a fancy one?”
The second Pharaoh says, “Mo, we are just trying to get our mummy’s worth.”
I drove past a store that sells trampolines today.
I bet their sales are up and down.
I heard there was a seafood sale at the grocery store, so I brought some glowsticks.
I wanted to be ready when the bass dropped.
There’s a paddle sale at the boat store.
It’s quite an oar deal.
Hearing aids are on sale.
They’re at unheard of low prices.
Hey, the house next door is having a garage sale.
I wonder how much they’re charging… I could really use a new garage!
I saw a trampoline on sale…
So I jumped on it.
Me: How much for the angry yard gnome?
Yard sale lady: That’s my son.
What do you get when chainsaws are on sale?
I want to get a job at a used record store…
So I can tell every customer that all sales are vinyl.
A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.”
Intrigued, he walks in.
“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.
“I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.”
The guy is flabbergasted.
He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on Earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?”
The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”