Funny Birthday Puns

These funny birthday puns are perfect if you’re making a birthday speech, just looking for something witty to write in a birthday card, or just for fun. They’re guaranteed to raise a laugh from the birthday boy or girl!

Hilariously funny birthday puns

Funny Happy Birthday Puns

I always feel warm on my birthday because people don’t stop toasting me.

Where do you get a birthday present for your cat?

From a cat-alogue.

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Aye, matey!

How do pickles celebrate their birthdays?

They relish the moment.

What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?

Angel food cake.

I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.

What did the bald guy say when he was given a comb for his birthday?

Thanks, I’ll never part with it.

How did Moby Dick celebrate his birthday?

He had a whale of a time.

What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?

Mice cream and cake.

Doctor, doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.

Try taking the candles off.

Statistics show that those who have the most birthdays live the longest.

I’m trying to convince my wife that I want a Segway for my birthday.

But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.

What goes up and never comes down?

Your age.

What do you say to your cat on his birthday?

Happy purr-day.

The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

What kind of birthday cake do you get for a coffee lover?


What did the teddy bear say when it was offered some birthday cake?

No thanks, I’m stuffed.

Why did the birthday cake visit the psychologist?

Because it was feeling crumby.

You know you’re getting old when you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you.

When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?

When you slice it.

What do you say to your goldfish on his birthday?

Have a fin-tastic day.

What did the elephant want for his birthday?

A trunk full of gifts.

Age is a relative thing.

All my relatives keep reminding me how old I am.

My wife wants me to be more sensitive so I got her abacus beads for her birthday.

She said, “What the hell are these?”

I said, “It’s the little things that count.”

Your birthday reminds me of that old Chinese scholar…

Yung No Mo.

What do you get a hunter for his birthday?

A birthday pheasant.

“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”

Dad: I just wanted to make my presents felt.

My daughter wanted a bouncy castle for her birthday.

The guy said the rental was $50, and the set-up fee was $1000 dollars.

I said, “That’s outrageous!”

He just shrugged and said, “That’s inflation for you.”

Knock knock.

Who’s there?


Abby who?

Abby birthday!

More Funny Puns

If you enjoyed these funny happy birthday puns, check out all the rest of LaffGaff for all our other funny puns and jokes too, such as these:

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