There’s nothing off-key about these funny choir jokes. In fact, they’re perfectly in tune with our sense of humor, and hopefully yours too. Just don’t make a song and dance about them!
Enjoy this collection of our favorite funny choir jokes and humor.
How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to do it, and four to say, “It’s too high for him.”
What do you call a female opera singer who has quite a range at the lower end of the scale?
A deep-C diva.
Why did the choir boys laugh?
What do choruses use to pay for things?
How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
How do you tell if the lead singer is at the door?
He can’t find the key and he doesn’t know when to come in.
Did you hear about the choir boy who couldn’t find a singing partner?
He had to buy a duet yourself kit.
How many altos does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
Why was the soprano arrested?
Because she was in treble.
Why were the singers locked out of their rehearsal room?
They missed the key change.
How long does it take for a conductor to screw in a light bulb?
Nobody knows because no one was watching.
A choir director and an organist are standing in the middle of the road. Which one do you run over first, and why?
The choir director. Business before pleasure.
What’s the difference between a soprano and a piranha?
Where is a tenor’s resonance?
Where his brain should be.
What do you get when you castrate an Italian mob boss?
A soprano Soprano.
How are sopranos like pirates?
They’re all a terror on the high C’s.
What is the difference between a choral director and a chimpanzee?
It’s scientifically proven that chimpanzees are able to communicate with humans.
Why are soprano jokes all one liners?
So the tenors can understand them.
What’s the difference between a soprano and a pit bull?
What’s the definition of a mezzo soprano?
Just an alto with a soprano’s attitude.
What’s the definition of an alto?
A soprano who can sight read.
How many basses does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They’re so macho they prefer to walk in the dark and bang their shins.
What’s the difference between a singer and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Four tenors and a baritone are hiking in the Alps, all roped together in a line.
Suddenly, they fall into a crevasse.
The baritone realizes the rope can’t hold all five of them, so he yells down at the group, “There’s so many baritones in the world and so few tenors. So I’ll sacrifice myself to save all of your lives.”
All of the tenors started clapping and fell to their deaths.
C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, “sorry, but we don’t serve minors.”
So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat.
F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.”
Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.
Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, “Get out! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”
E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, “You’re looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development.”
Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural.
Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest.
C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.
An American choir had just arrived in Europe for a two-week tour.
One hour before the first concert, the choir director became very ill and was unable to conduct, and the choir suddenly had to find a substitute.
The choir manager asked everyone in the choir whether they could step in and conduct, and the only person who was willing was the last chair alto.
The manager was very nervous about this. “We can’t audition you,” he said.
“No problem,” replied the alto.
“There’s no time to rehearse. You’ll have to do the concert cold.”
“I know. It’ll be all right.”
The alto conducted the concert and it was a huge success.
Since the director remained ill for the duration of the tour, the alto conducted all of the concerts, getting rave reviews and standing ovations at each one.
At the next rehearsal, the director had recovered, and the alto took her place at the back of the alto section. As she sat down, her stand partner asked her “Where have you been for the last two weeks?”
A minister was completing a Temperance sermon.
With great emphasis he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”
Then with even greater emphasis he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he shouted, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”
With the sermon complete, he sat down.
Then the song leader stood up and announced, “For our closing song, let us sing Hymn number 365, “Shall We Gather at the River.”