Belt Jokes And Puns

Here’s a belting collection of funny belt jokes and puns! It doesn’t matter how old they are, they still hold up well so don’t let them go to waist; enjoy them now!

Header image for a page of funny belt jokes and puns.

Funny Belt Jokes

What do you call a belt made of $100 bills?

A waist of money.

What did 0 say to 8?

Nice belt.

Orion’s Belt is a huge waist of space.

I give it three stars.

The 10th Fast and Furious film should be called….

Fast 10 Your Seat Belt.

I tied all my watches onto my belt, but then I realized…

It was a waist of time.

I beat a black belt at karate.

My next challenger is a green sock.

I spent $80 on a belt that didn’t fit.

My wife said it was a huge waist.

Don’t make an origami belt.

It’s a waist of paper.

My utility belt is empty…

Now it’s just a waist of space.

I never finish anything:

I have a black belt in partial arts.

If you’re giving any type of big speech or presentation, you should undo your belt.

That way people know you don’t buckle under pressure.

I made a belt entirely by braiding together herbs that I found in my pantry.

It took me about five hours.

What a waist of thyme.

Why should people stop buying belts?

Because they always go to waist.

What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between boobs, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?

A seat belt.

The inventor of the elastic waistband has finally been recognized for his contribution to humanity.

He was awarded the No-Belt Prize.

My black belt friend had to put lifts in his shoes…

Adding insoles to ninjary.

I went to a constellation themed restaurant named Orion’s Belt.

I give it 3 stars.

I get so angry when I see someone with their wallet chained to their belt…

I just can’t take it.

Apparently Orion wasn’t too excited about his new belt.

He only gave it 3 stars.

What did Saint Patrick say when he drove all the snakes out of Ireland?

“Everyone got seat belts on back there?”

You know, it’s important to have a good belt.

That thing will see you through thick and thin.

Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?

The zebra, because he has so many black belts.

How does the solar system keep its pants from falling down?

It uses an asteroid belt.

What do you call a pig with a black belt in karate?

Pork chops.

I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seat belt.

Then it clicked.

The Admiral was visiting one of his ships.

When having tea he noticed that every biscuit has the ships insignia embossed on it.

He was impressed and called the cook to ask him how he does this.

Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven.

Admiral: That’s pretty unhygienic.

Cook: In that case Sir, I’d suggest you skip the doughnuts.

Upon re-examination, ground-breaking research suggests a new theory of dinosaur extinction

Traffic accidents. Amongst the thousands of dinosaurs unearthed, not one has been found wearing a seat belt.

Wrestling is stupid.

Men without pants fighting over a belt.

“How come your dad always has a belt on hand?”

“Beats me.”

Why do men sag there pants so low and still wear a belt?

The same reason women bring their purse on a date and don’t pay.

Wearing a seat belt:

Men: /

Women: %

Jokes About Belts

If you enjoyed our puns and jokes about belts, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these: