Kitchen Jokes And Puns

We’ve managed to cook up this great collection of funny kitchen jokes and puns to counter any bad mood you may be in!

They’re a recipe for laughter!

Header image for a page of funny Kitchen jokes and puns.

Funny Kitchen Jokes

I just saw 10 ants frantically running around my kitchen.

I felt bad so I built them a small house.

Now I’m their landlord and I collect rent from my tenants.

My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.

I had to get a running start but I made it!

I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it.

If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.

My wife warned me not to steal the kitchen utensil.

But it’s a whisk I’m willing to take.

I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips.

“Are you the friar?” I asked him.

“No, I am the chip monk,” he replied.

It is funny how my wife waits for me in the kitchen all night till I come back from the pub…

Just to ask me if I know what time it is.

After he installs the new granite surfaces in your kitchen, does the cabinet maker hand you…

A counter fit bill?

“Can you make me breakfast in bed?” asked my wife.

I said, “No, I’ll have to go to the kitchen.”

If you work at a factory making kitchen work tops and you’re very good at your job…

Then ironically, you’re being counter-productive.

My wife demanded that I take the spider that was in the kitchen out.

Nice guy! We got a couple of beers. He wants to be a web developer someday.

I just realized my kitchen countertop is made out of marble.

I have been taking it for granite all these years.

I have a friend who can tell what a kitchen top is made of just by touching it.

He’s counter-intuitive.

Some people were arguing about the most important part of a kitchen.

One person said, “The sink is the most important! It’s where you get water for cooking, wash your hands, clean fruits and vegetables, and clean the dishes up afterwards.”

But another person said, “The countertop is even more important. It’s where the food is prepared. And if the counter weren’t there, you wouldn’t have a sink at all!”

The first person was shocked. They weren’t expecting a counterargument.

I got fired from my kitchen job for stealing cookware.

It was a whisk I was willing to take.

I went into the kitchen this morning and said to the wife, “Is that coffee I smell?”

She said, “It is and you do.”

I saw a mosquito in the kitchen.

I could have killed it, but I let it fly away.

That’s probably going to come back to bite me later.

My boyfriend left me because of my anxiety issues.

Oh, wait. He just went to the kitchen to grab some coffee.

Yesterday I purchased a world map and put it on the wall in the kitchen.

I gave my wife a dart and said, “Throw this and, wherever it lands, I’ll take you there for a holiday.”

Turns out we’re spending three weeks behind the fridge.

So I wanted to publish my book on how to maximize storage usage in your kitchen.

But the publisher refused saying they could not publish illegal material.

Stupid anti counter fitting laws.

My wife wanted me to say dirty things to her.

I said, “Bath, kitchen, living room…”

What is a wise, old priest’s favorite kitchen appliance?

The deep friar.

My wife found me in the kitchen naked holding a gun.

“What the heck are you doing?” she screamed, shocked at my appearance.

“Quiet woman! I’m hunting decepticons!” I whispered back harshly.

She put her hands on her hips. “You’ve been sleep walking again! There are no such thing as decepticons!”

I blinked, realizing how stupid I looked.

“I guess you’re right! Man I must look like and idiot!” I said.

She laughed.

I laughed.

The toaster laughed.

I shot the toaster.

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.

During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

“Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?” he asks.

“Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?”


“Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?” she asks.

“No, I can remember it.”

“Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?”

He says, “I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.”

“I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?” she asks.

Irritated, he says, “I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I got it, for goodness sake!”

Then he toddles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment.

“Where’s my toast?”

A man goes to a diner and orders a grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of room temperature sweet tea.

When his food arrives he takes a sip of the tea but finds it to be scorching hot.

“Ow!” yells the man, “I asked for this to be room temperature!”

“It is, sir,” says the waiter. “The kitchen is on fire.”

More Funny Jokes

If you enjoyed our funny jokes about kitchens, check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more hilarious jokes including these:

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