Shirt Jokes And Puns

There’s no need to get shirty because we’ve got laughter off to a tee, so here’s a great collection of funny shirt jokes and puns! You’ll never attire of reading them or sleeve them behind!

Header image for a page of funny shirt jokes and puns.

Funny Shirt Jokes

Why don’t the Jedi take off their shirts to greet each other?

Because only a Sith deals in ab salutes.

Her: I’m leaving. I am sick of you wearing a different tee shirt every half an hour.

Me: Wait. I can change.

Why does Waldo wear a striped shirt?

Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.

Give a man a shirt, and he’ll wear it once.

Tell a man he looks good in it, and he’ll wear it for a lifetime.

Doctor: You have a severe iron deficiency.

Me: How did you know? I just walked in!

Doctor: Your shirt is all wrinkled.

My first day working as a pilot: looking down nervously What are all these buttons for?

Co-pilot: They keep your shirt closed.

My girlfriend came home and told me to take off her shirt.

So I took off her shirt.

Then she said, “Take off my skirt.”

I took off her skirt.

“Take off my shoes.”

I took off her shoes.

“Now take off my bra and panties.”

So I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, “I don’t want to catch you wearing my things ever again.”

A psychic is buying clothes:

Employee: How about this one?

Psychic: That shirt is too small.

Employee: You didn’t even try it on.

Psychic: I’m a medium.

Did you know T-shirt is actually short for tyrannosaurus shirt?

It’s because of the small arms.

Why does the military only allow dress shirts at its ceremonies?

Because civilian casual tees are unacceptable.

If your phone is getting no service…

Try putting shoes and a shirt on it.

When I don’t have time to iron a shirt…

I just steel one.

Dad: “Nice shirt, is that felt?”

Son: “No, it’s cotton. Here,” as he reaches his arm out as Dad touches his sleeve.

Dad: “It’s felt now.”

Mark Zuckerberg says he wears a grey t-shirt everyday because he doesn’t want to waste time on things that don’t matter.

He runs Facebook.

Why can’t you get cell phone service when you’re naked?

No shirt, no shoes, no service.

For his birthday, I bought my friend a “I am a Nudist” t-shirt.

I haven’t seen him wear it yet.

My wife took off her shirt and bra during an argument where I was winning.

It was a booby trap.

What kind of shirts do farmers wear?

Crop tops.

Two twins have a race in the morning.

One says to the other, “I bet I can get dressed faster than you!”

So each hurriedly puts their socks on, followed by their underwear and trousers, both at the same time.

Now the hard part! Each fumbled frantically with their buttoned shirts, quickly but painstakingly ensuring that each button was right – a minute or so later each finished the last button at the same time.

The heat was on! It was all down to the last item of clothing!

It was a tie.

My tailor was happy to fix my ripped shirt…

Or sew it seams.

My friend loses his cool every time he tries to arrange his shirts in the wardrobe.

I think he needs some help with hanger management.

The metal detector beeped when the guard was checking me.

He asked me if I had any metallic stuff with me.

I said, “No … it just beeped because my shirt is ironed.”

Why do burglars only wear striped shirts?

Because they don’t want to be spotted.

Once long ago, a fisherman heard beautiful singing while he was alone a at sea.

He followed the enchanting voice till he came upon a singing yellowfin tuna.

He knew he had found something incredible so he caught the fish, kept it alive and returned home.

He showed his friends and posted videos on Tik Tok, and the singing fish went viral.

It could sing almost anything, but Pavarotti was its favorite.

The fisherman toured around the world with the fish and set up a website to sell merchandise.

The clothing he made sold like crazy, so he ordered thousands of short sleeve shirts to be made in advance.

Unfortunately, the fish died, and the public lost interest.

The fisherman was left with endless opera tuna tees.

I’ve got my corduroy pants, my corduroy shirt, and my corduroy hat…

One more piece of clothing and I’ll be one whole Roy!

“I’m not very good at pressing my shirts,” I said with no sense of irony.

Co- worker: I was going to wear that shirt today!

Me: I’m glad you didn’t. Finding you in my closet would have been creepy.

I got thrown out of Coffee Club today.

I turned up wearing a tea shirt.

Any time I wear a t-shirt with a picture of a crocodile on it, I feel a little sick.

I think I might be Lacoste intolerant.

Cowboy shirt?

I prefer Ranch Dressing.

I tried to buy a camouflage shirt today.

Sadly, I couldn’t find any.

Why did the blouse break up with the t-shirt?

Because he didn’t collar.

I asked my Dad for “something Cuban” for Christmas and he got me a Che Guevara shirt.

Clothes, but no cigar.

“Hey Tony, how is it that your shirts are always wrinkle free?”

Iron, man.

A teacher asks her class, “Can you use a sentence with the word ‘fascinate’?”

Little Johnny replies, “I have a shirt with ten buttons but I can only fascinate.”

What is the difference between a man on a bicycle wearing a tuxedo and a man on a unicycle wearing shorts and a tee shirt?

Attire.

The cops are warning us about a serial killer who strangles his victims using smaller and smaller shirts.

The police are saying that he’s still at large.

Did you hear about the guard who spilled coffee all over his shirt?

He was thankful it wasn’t on his watch.

I thought really tight shirts would look good on me.

But I just couldn’t pull them off.

I don’t believe in hitting my children as punishment.

So I send them to school wearing crocs and anime shirts and let other kids beat them instead.

So was at a bar last night and saw this fat girl wearing a shirt that said, “Caution, I’m a maneater”.

I walked up to the girl and timidly said, “Excuse me, Miss … about your shirt.”

She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted, “Oh let me guess, you’re here to make a comment about how I’m so fat and how I actually eat men. I can’t help my weight you know. I have feelings too and your comments can really hurt.”

I looked at her, confused and said, “That’s actually not what I was going to say at all.”

“Oh…” she replied as a smile started to come across her face. “What were you going to say?”

“That’s not how you spell manatee.”

A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a drink.

When the bartender delivers it, the cowboy looks around and notices the bar is completely deserted other than himself and the bartender.

“Where is everybody? This place is usually packed this time of day,” the cowboy says.

The bartender replies, “They’ve gone to the hanging.”

“Hanging? Who are they hanging?”

“Brown Paper Pete,” says the bartender.

“What kind of name is that? Why do they call him Brown Paper Pete?” the cowboy asks.

“Well,” says the bartender, “he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes.”

“Weird guy,” says the cowboy. “What are they hanging him for?”

“Rustling,” says the bartender.

Just saw a guy wearing t-shirt that read “Truth + God = life”.

Thank god I’m good at math. Truth = life – God.

What my girlfriend thought on the first four dates:

  1. Good shirt.
  2. Nice. A second good shirt.
  3. OK, the first shirt again.
  4. He has two shirts.

My girlfriend is always stealing my shirts and sweaters…

But when I borrow a dress suddenly we, “Need to talk”.

My wife and I keep on collecting 5k race t-shirts, without actually participating in the races.

It’s our running joke.

Jokes About Shirts

If you enjoyed these puns and jokes about shirts, be sure to take a look at the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these: