Feet Jokes And Puns

It was no mean feat to bring you these funny feet jokes and puns! It was a tough task but we toed the line and refused to be de-feeted!

Header image for a page of funny feet jokes and puns.

Funny Feet Jokes

My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.

I Schwepped her off her feet.

A friend of mine is quite well known for sweeping girls off their feet.

He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

Alligators can grow up to 15 feet.

But most have only four.

Why are feet so great?

Because they are living legends.

I finally was able to open my shoe store for only large-sized shoes.

Let me tell you, it was no small feet.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose.

What smells like feet and tastes like fish?


Why are snakes measured in inches?

Because they don’t have any feet.

Ironman’s favorite Christmas present this year were rockets he can fire from his feet.

He calls them missile toes.

I hate my job.

All I do is crush Pepsi cans with my feet.

It’s soda-pressing.

Did you know centipedes have a faster top speed than humans?

They run at 100 feet a second.

What do you call a cow with no feet?

Ground beef.

So you know Gandhi?

Walked barefoot, tough feet.

Fasted a lot, so he was weak.

Prayed a lot, real spiritual.

Unfortunately, suffered from bad breath.

In other words, he was a super-calloused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.

If your nose runs, and your feet smell…

You were built upside down.

What do grizzlies wear on their feet?

Nothing, they go bear foot.

Why don’t dolphins have legs?

It would de-feet the whole porpoise.

A woman with two left feet walks into a shoe store.

She asks the manager, “Excuse me, do you have any flop-flops?”

Why can’t milk balance well on it’s feet?

Because they lack toes.

If a bear wears socks and shoes…

Does it still have bear feet?

If you’re ever in a sword fight, try to chop their feet off.

Then you will de-feet them.

What do you call someone with no feet?


What kind of socks do pandas wear?

None, they have bear feet.

How many feet are in a yard?

Depends on how many come to the barbecue.

How deep does water have to be to be ankle deep?

Two feet.

You know what they say about a guy with big feet…

They say, “Sorry sir we don’t have your shoe size.”

Why are dogs such bad dancers?

They have two left feet.

My ex-best friend used to be really nice to me, but ever since they found out I have flat feet, they’ve been mean to me and bullying me over it.

They’re my arch-nemesis now.

Why did the bear wear slippers?

To cover his bear feet.

Today I ate a sandwich with my feet.

It was a below-knee sandwich.

Why didn’t Frosty the Snowman get married?

He got cold feet.

My grandfather hated people with deformed feet.

He was lack toes intolerant.

I had to break up with my boyfriend after he lost his feet in an accident.

Because I’m lack-toes intolerant.

Why does Big Foot walk with a limp?

Because he’s not Big Feet.

Why does everyone admire and respect their feet?

Because feet are legends.

1 and 2 went out for a walk in the snow.

1’s hands got so cold that they went numb.

2’s hands and feet both got cold, so he was even number.

Why did the cannibal leave the restaurant?

Because he got cold feet.

Most people are 2 feet away from being a double amputee…

Feet Jokes

If you enjoyed our puns and jokes about feet, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, including our toe jokes, as well as these: