Mortgage Jokes

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Funny Mortgage Jokes And Puns

The bank want to repossess my tree house.

They say I haven’t kept up my mortgage payments.

I’m convinced it’s a mix up from when I moved branches.

I thought people would flock to my bank if I offered 0% mortgages.

There was no interest.

Why did the mortgage broker go out of business?

He lost interest.

Kermit the frog went to the bank to get a mortgage for a new lilypad.

He walked up to the desk of loan officer Patricia Whack and placed a small porcelain statue of an angel on her desk asking if she would take it as collateral.

“What is that?” she asked.

“It’s a knick knack, patty whack. Give a frog a loan?”

How did the bag of fertilizer help the vegetable farmer pay his mortgage?

It raised his celery.

I paid off most of my mortgage.

Now it’s lessgage

If Santa Claus forgets to pay the mortgage on his workshop…

Is he in foreclausure?

Why couldn’t Spongebob get a mortgage?

Because his house was underwater.

A dog used to live in a clay-brick house but was evicted for not paying his mortgage…

A Dobie’s adobe abode owed dough.

What do you call someone who mails mortgage statements?

Post Malone.

Who do you talk to get out of debt?

Mortgage Freeman.

Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?

Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?

Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.

Boss: Yes.

Employee: I won’t beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.

Boss: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.

Employee: I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro- activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade.

Boss: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don’t want to start a brain drain, I’m willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound?

Employee: Great! It’s a deal! Thank you, sir!

Boss: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you?

Employee: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the Mortgage Company!

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 & your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.”

The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, “Son, where are you going?”

Little Patrick told him, “I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I’ll be darned if I’m staying here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no bike!”

What do you call an aging actor who has finally paid off his house?

Mortgage Freeman.

The loan officer approved my plan to go forward and take out a mortgage for the horse farm I’ve been looking at.

He called it a stable investment.

Why was the mortgage so clingy?

It hated being alone.

A guy came up to me the other day, and shoved a gun into my face. He demanded my ‘money or my life’.

Guess who the burned-out pencil pusher with a mortgage and a loveless marriage is now.

What do you call a woman who sets her mortgage documents on fire?


Mortgages rates are going up…

But you try telling a homeless person how lucky they are!

What was the US subprime mortgage afraid of?

Dying a loan.

More Funny Jokes

If you found our jokes about mortgages interesting, why not check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, including these: