You don’t need to go anywhere else for your laughs because we’ve brought together all the best travel jokes and puns just for you!
Funny Travel Jokes
My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I’m paid to travel.
My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I’m a bus driver.
How does a flat earther travel the world?
On a plane.
As soon as space travel is possible, I’m moving from the Milky Way to the Soymilky Way galaxy.
I’m galactose intolerant.
An overweight time traveler goes to ancient Rome and realizes he wore historically incorrect clothes for the trip.
Realizing his mistake he visits a toga shop to purchase new clothes.
He looks around the shop and realizes they do not have togas big enough to fit him.
He goes to the counter and asks the clerk, “Do you have XL togas?”
The clerk replies, “Well, yes. But why do you need so many?”
Why can’t Catholics travel at light speed?
Because they have mass.
The bartender says, “Sorry sir, we don’t serve time travelers here.”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
A hungry traveler stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where a brother was frying chips.
“Are you the friar?” he asked.
The brother replied, “No. I’m the chip monk.”
God is travelling around the world to spread his religon.
He gets to India and asks the public, “Will you take my commandments to be yours?”
The public says no so God decides to try elsewhere.
He gets to China and asks, “Will you follow my commandments?”
Again the public replies no so God leaves to try somewhere else.
He gets to Israel and asks, “Will you take my commandments?”
The crowd begins to look at each other questioningly and a single man steps forward.
“How much do they cost?”
God replies, “They’re free.”
The crowd shouts back, “WE’LL TAKE TEN!”
Why do white girls only travel in groups of 3, 5, and 7?
Because they literally can’t even.
A photon walks into a hotel.
The desk clerk says, “Welcome to our hotel. Can we help you with your luggage?”
The photon says, “No thanks, I’m traveling light.”
Why did the Muslim take his Note 7 onto an airplane?
Do I really have to answer that? Who doesn’t bring their phone with them when they travel?
Why do koi fish always travel in groups of 4?
So the A koi, the B koi, and the C koi can escape, because they know the predator will always go after the D koi.
By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken.
“You’ve got to have a room somewhere.” he pleaded. “Or just a bed – I don’t care where.”
“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant,” admitted the manager, “And he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.”
“No problem,” the tired traveler assured him. “I’ll take it.”
The next morning John came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
The manager was impressed. “No problem with the other guy snoring, then?”
“Nope. I shut him up in no time?”
“How’d you manage that?”
“He was already in bed, snoring away. when I came in the room,” John said. “I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, ‘Goodnight, beautiful,’ and he sat up all night watching me.”
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry.
You say, “Terry? That’s a girls name!”
He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin’ Terry.
I used to be addicted to time travel…
But that’s all in the past now.
A photon is going through airport security.
The TSA agent asks if it has any luggage.
The photon says, “No, I’m traveling light.”
Why did KGB officers always travel in threes?
One who could read, one who could write, and the third to watch over those two dangerous intellectuals.
Why is it hard for the Amish to travel?
Their transit system is a little buggy.
A new study shows bodies found from the Bermuda Triangle all died from heat exhaustion…
Everyone knows it’s 180 degrees inside a triangle, I don’t know why people even bother traveling through it.
A man is driving through the desert when he notices a sign.
The sign reads “Turn here to speak to the native American with the most incredible memory.”
Curious, the man takes the turning. He comes across the native American man standing at the side of the road.
He approaches him and gives his best, “How!”
The native American replies, “How!”
“Is your memory really as good as the sign suggests?” asks the man.
“Try me,” replies the native American.
“Okay, what did you have for breakfast on July 18th 1986?”
The native American thinks for a moment and then replies, “Eggs.”
Amazed, the man thanks the native American and gets back in his car and continues his journey.
15 years later, he is travelling through the same desert and notices the same sign.
Having forgotten all about the native American until seeing the sign, he decides to go ask another question.
Upon reaching the native American, he again gives his best, “How!”
I travel around the country giving seminars on the beneficial features of dried grapes.
I’m in the business of raisin awareness.
Did you know that light travels faster than sound?
That’s why some people appear bright until they start talking.
A blonde wants to travel abroad.
She parks her car in front of a bank near the airport and gets out with her trolleys. She then enters the bank and walks to the next teller.
Blonde: Hello, I want to get a loan for $1000.
Teller: Very well. But I need a credit security in order to grant you that loan.
Blonde: How about my car? It is right in front of the bank entrance.
The teller takes a look through the glass door: Very well, this car is valuable enough.
The blonde and the teller exchange keys and loan. After that, the blonde walks off with her trolleys and gets to her airplane.
Two weeks later she returns to the bank with her trolleys and sees the teller she had received her loan from 2 weeks ago.
The blonde approaches the teller: Hello mister. I have taken a loan of $1,000 from you and I wish to return it today and get my car back.
Teller: Very well, I accept your payment of $1,000, with an additional $5 as interest. If you pay off the total of $1,005, then you will get your car keys back.
The blonde and the teller exchange the money for the car keys. Before the blonde walks off, the teller asks her one last question.
Teller: Excuse my curiosity, but why did you leave your car for security in exchange of that small amount of money?
The blonde smiles back: Because nowhere else you can park that close to an airport for just 5 bucks for two weeks.