We had no reservations about bringing you these funny hotel jokes and puns! After all, there’s always room for lots of laughter!
Funny Hotel Jokes
A man is staying in a hotel.
He walks up to the front desk and says, “Sorry, I forgot what room I’m in, can you help me?”
The receptionist replies, “No problem, sir. This is the lobby.”
I met some chess players in the hotel lobby.
They were bragging about how good they are.
It was chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
A blind man visits Texas.
When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. “Wow, this bed is big!”
“Everything is bigger in Texas,” says the bellhop.
The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge barstool and orders a beer.
A mug is placed between his hands. “Wow these drinks are big!”
The bartender replies, “Everything is big in Texas.”
After downing a few drinks, the blind man asks where the bathroom is.
“Second door to the right,” says the bartender.
The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and he falls in.
Popping his head up from under the water and flailing his arms, he shouts, “Don’t flush, don’t flush!”
I stayed in a hotel last week where the towels were so thick…
I could hardly close my suitcase.
I’m pretty sure that the hotel receptionist was checking me out.
I rely on hotels so much…
I’ve actually become quite inn-dependent.
What do you call a yam in a hotel?
A suite potato.
A 70-year-old woman chose to stay overnight in a costly hotel as a treat for her birthday.
The following morning, she was appalled when the desk clerk gave her a bill for $250.00.
She requested to know why the charge was so high.
“It’s a nice hotel, but the rooms certainly aren’t worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay! I didn’t even have breakfast,” she told the clerk.
The clerk clarified that $250.00 is the standard rate. At that point, the older lady insisted on talking with the manager.
The manager showed up and explained that the hotel, “Has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use.”
“But I didn’t use them,” the old woman said.
“Well, they are here, and you could have,” he replied.
The manager proceeded say that she could likewise have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous.
“We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here,” he said.
“But I didn’t go to any of those shows,” she said.
The manager replied, “Well, we have them, and you could have.”
Regardless of what facility he recommended, the older lady would just answer, “But I didn’t use it!”
The manager then countered with his standard reaction. After several minutes of contending with him, she chose to pay.
The manager was shocked when she gave the check to him. “But madam, this check is for only $50.00,” he said.
“That is right. I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me,” the old lady replied.
“But I didn’t!” the manager shouted.
“Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have.”
If you are trying to stay in a hotel that’s completely booked, just tell the receptionist that your name is “Improvement”.
Because there’s always room for improvement.
A photon checks into a hotel.
The bellhop asks if he can assist with any luggage.
The photon replies, “No, I’m traveling light.”
How does a hotel room taste?
Suite.
I was staying at a hotel.
Some people took the stairs to their rooms, and some took the elevator.
Right then I realized everyone was raised differently.
Why are tight pants like a cheap hotel?
No ballroom.
At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
“This is so embarrassing,” the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. “I’m sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?”
He nods.
The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common.
He gets her phone number and asks, “You are the most charming woman I’ve ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?”
“No,” she replies. “You just happened to catch my eye.”
I visited a haunted hotel in France.
It gave me the crepes.
A man called the hotel manager.
He said, “Come up quickly, I fought with my wife and now she wants to throw herself out the window!”
The manager replied, “Sir this is a personal matter and we can’t get involved. I can call sec…”
The man interrupted, “No! This is a maintenance issue. The window won’t open!”
I am staying at a hotel and watched a great movie last night with lots of cowboys, gunfights, and drinking.
It was the Best Western.
Being married is like staying at a fancy hotel.
My wife provides turn-down service every night.
Three writers, Al, Ben, and Carl, who were attending a writing convention, booked a room on the 75th floor of a hotel.
When they arrived back at the hotel from the convention, the receptionist told them, “I’m terribly sorry, but the elevator is broken. In the meantime, you will have to take the stairs.”
Now, Al was a writer of funny stories, Ben was a writer of scary stories, and Carl was a writer of sad stories. The three of them agreed that, to make it less boring, Al would tell the other two his funniest stories while they climbed from floors 1 to 25, Ben would tell his scariest stories from floors 26 to 50, and Carl would tell his saddest stories from floors 51 to 75.
They started to climb the stairs, and Al started to tell funny stories. By the time they reached the 25th floor, Ben and Carl were laughing hysterically.
Then Ben started to tell scary stories. By the time they reached the 50th floor, Al and Carl were hugging each other in fear.
Then Carl started to tell sad stories. “I’ll tell my saddest story of all first,” he said. “There once was a man named Carl who left his hotel room key in the car…”
I asked the hotel receptionist for a wake-up call.
She rang my room and said, “What the hell are you doing with your life?”
More Funny Jokes
If you enjoyed these hilarious jokes about hotels, check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these:
