Boat Jokes

We wondered whether we should bring you these funny boat jokes and puns oar not. But then we realized you’d be up the creek without a paddle if we didn’t! So here they are – they’re sure to leave you feeling buoyant!

Header image for a page of funny boat jokes and puns.

Funny Boat Jokes And Puns

I used to be a fan of boats…

But that ship has sailed.

There are three guys on a boat, and they have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. What do they do?

They throw one cigarette overboard, and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Where does a boat go when it’s sick?

The dock.

Me: I think I have a crush on Beyoncé.

Her: Whatever floats your boat.

Me: No. That’s buoyancy.

Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the side of their boats?

So when they come back to port they can…

Scandinavian

My wife is nervous about having to talk to strangers on a cruise we are about to take.

I said, “Don’t worry. We are all in the same boat.”

What happened when the red boat crashed into the blue boat?

The crews were marooned.

Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of boats?

Because if they fell forwards, they’d still be in the boat.

One of my friends was cooking in a wok on the back of a boat.

He was making a stern fry.

Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.

It was an ether/oar situation.

Did you know you can wear any boat as a hat?

You just turn it over and it’s capsized.

I’ve started a business making boats in my attic.

Sails are going through the roof.

Why aren’t boats equipped with artificial intelligence?

Nobody wants to get on a thinking ship.

What do you call four Spanish guys in a capsized boat?

Quatro sinko.

What’s the worst vegetable to bring on a boat?

A leek.

I was saddened to learn that my cousin was run over by a boat in Venice today.

I sent his family my gondolances.

Pretend you are on a boat surrounded by sharks. How do you survive?

You stop pretending.

If the internet had a boat, where would they park it?

In Google Docs.

I crashed my rowing boat.

I suffered a broken scull.

I love driving my car, makes me feel like I’m charge of a big boat.

Especially when it’s on cruise control.

What do you call a ship that’s 50% off?

A sale boat.

I bought a boat, and named it “The Unpaid Intern”.

So now I tell people I have an unpaid intern-ship.

If you ever need to fit 2 of every animal on a boat…

I Noah guy.

What do you call a dog on a U-boat?

A subwoofer.

There were huge crowds at the paddle sale at the local boat club today.

It was quite an oar deal.

What do you call when a boat is forced to do stuff by other boats?

Pier pressure.

Cleopatra fell out of her boat but wouldn’t admit she was wet.

She was in denial.

I’ve got a job at the local paddle factory.

The pay is 10 dollars an oar.

More Funny Jokes

If you found these boat jokes funny (and they really floated your boat), take a look around the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these: