Shark Jokes And Puns

Some-fin tells us you’re going to like these jaws-ome shark jokes!

Animal jokes are great, so get your teeth into this huge collection of funny shark jokes and puns. Enjoy!

Header image for a page of funny shark jokes and puns.

Funny Shark Jokes & Puns

I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”

I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.

What’s a shark’s favorite bible story?

Noah’s Shark.

Why did the shark cross the great barrier reef?

To get to the other tide.

I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.

I’d better watch my ass.

The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.

The joke’s wearing fin.

Did you hear about the aquarium owner?

His shark was worse than his pike.

The star attraction at my local aquarium has been repossessed.

Turns out it was a loan shark.

Water polo. One shark away from being the greatest sport ever.

What’s a shark’s favorite science fiction TV show?

Shark Trek.

What do you call the mushy stuff between a great white shark’s teeth?

Slow swimmers.

I told my friend I was attacked by a shark.

He said, “Did you punch it on the nose?”

I said, “No, it just attacked me for no reason.”

What do you call rubber bumpers on yachts?

Shark absorbers.

What kind of shark is always gambling?

A card shark.

How did the hammerhead do on his test?

He nailed it.

I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.

When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.

There’s a lot of debate over where the best place to punch a shark is.

Personally, I think it’s the sea.

What’s a shark’s favorite movie?

The Shaw-shark Redemption.

I was at the beach yesterday when I saw a man swimming in the sea despite the shark warnings.

He duly got attacked by a shark and lost a leg.

I bet he’s kicking himself now.

I’m not saying my grandpa was unlucky but he died in the middle of the desert.

Witnesses said it was the most unusual shark attack they’ve ever seen.

Two prawns were swimming around in the sea one day. The first one was called Justin and the second one was called Kristian.

They were continually being chased and threatened by the sharks that inhabited the area.

Eventually Justin had had enough. He said to Kristian, “I’m fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn’t have to worry about being eaten all the time.”

As he said this, a large mysterious cod appeared and said, “Your wish is granted!”

And believe it or not, with that Justin turned into a fearsome shark.

Kristian was horrified and so immediately swam away as he was scared of being eaten by his old friend.

As time went by, Justin found his new life as a shark to be boring and lonely. None of his old friends would let him get near them as they thought he would eat them and so they just swam away whenever he approached.

It took a while, but eventually Justin realized that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

Then one day he was swimming all alone as usual when he saw the mysterious cod again. He thought it’d be better if he could go back to his old life so he swam to the cod and begged to be changed back. The cod worked his magic and suddenly Justin was a prawn once more.

With tears of joy streaming down his cheeks Justin swam straight to Kristian’s home.

As he opened the coral gate, the happy memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, “Kristian, it’s me, Justin, your old friend. Come out and see me again.”

Kristian replied, “No way! You’re a shark now and you’ll just eat me. I’m not being tricked into being your dinner.”

Justin shouted back “No, I’m not a shark any more. That was the old me. I’ve changed…

I’ve found Cod. I’m a prawn again Kristian.”

What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.

Why do sharks live in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

What kind of sharks make good carpenters?


It’s my ambition to see a great white shark before I die.

Just not RIGHT before I die.

Calling my new dog “Shark” was a mistake.

I’ve been banned from all my local beaches.

A guy is swimming in the sea one day. Suddenly a massive whale surfaces, opens its mouth and swallows the guy down in one.

The guy ends up still alive in the whale’s enormous stomach. He looks around and is amazed to see a great white shark also in the whale’s stomach with him.

The guy says to the shark, “Hey, you’re a shark. Why don’t you just bite your way out with your teeth?”

The shark smiles and says, “Bite my way out? But why would I do that when the meals here are so good?”

What’s a shark’s favorite hobby?

Anything he can sink his teeth into.

What happened when the shark got famous?

He became a starfish.

I’ve just seen a huge killer fish singing and playing guitar in the city center.

I think it must be a busking shark.

A clown is out surfing in his full clown costume one day. Suddenly he’s attacked by a great white shark.

The shark takes one bite, quickly realizes his error and swims away.

As the shark rejoins his friends below the surface, one of the them asks him, “Why didn’t you just kill that thing?”

The attacking shark replies, “It tasted funny.”

How did the shark plead in it’s murder trial?

Not gill-ty.

What do sharks order at McDonalds?

A quarter flounder.

Where do sharks go on vacation?


How does a shark greet a fish?

Pleased to eat you.

What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?

It got lockjaw.

What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?


What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?

Do not consume if seal is broken.

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks.

It cost me an arm and a leg!

Why didn’t the shark want to fight the octopus?

Because he knew the octopus was well-armed.

Pretend you are on a boat surrounded by sharks. How do you survive?

You stop pretending.

Where do sharks go on vacation?


More Funny Animal Jokes

If you enjoyed our collection of funny shark jokes and puns, why not check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more really funny jokes and laughs, including our other animal jokes such as these: