Funny Fishing Jokes And Fish Jokes

We don’t know about you, but we’re hooked on funny fishing jokes and puns. Even if you’re not, we think you’ll fall for these particular examples hook, line and sinker. They’re bass-ically the best fish jokes and puns you’ll find anywhere you cast your net. Of course, if you think you can come up with better then let minnow.

So we hope you enjoy this collection of funny fishing jokes / fish jokes. If so, you’ll probably also like our other animal jokes collections too.

A page of funny fish jokes and fishing jokes

Fish Jokes And Puns

What do you call a lazy crayfish?

A slobster.

What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?

Dam!

A man walks into a seafood store carrying a trout under his arm.

“Do you make fish cakes?” he asked.

“Yes, we do,” replied the fishmonger.

“Great,” said the man, “It’s his birthday.”

Two fish are in a tank.

One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”

What kind of fish is made from just two sodium atoms?

2 Na.

Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank.

How do shellfish get to the hospital?

In a clam-bulance.

Why did the fish blush?

Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.

What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?

A loan shark.

How do you communicate with a fish?

Drop it a line.

Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?

He pulled a mussel.

What’s the fastest fish?

A motor-pike.

How does an octopus go to war?

Well armed.

How do fish get between holes when playing golf?

On a golf carp.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles.

What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?

A monkfish.

I once owned a goldfish that could breakdance on the carpet.

Only for like 20 seconds though.

Why are fish so smart?

Because they swim in schools.

Where do fish sleep?

In a river bed.

My girlfriend threw some Omega 3 capsules at me today.

It’s okay though, I only have super fish oil injuries.

How do fish go into business?

They start on a small scale.

Which fish works in a hospital?

A sturgeon.

A fish walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “What do you want?”

The fish croaks, “Water.”

Why don’t fish play basketball?

They’re afraid of the net.

Which murderer sleeps at the bottom of the sea?

Jack the Kipper.

What does the Pope eat during Lent?

Holy mackerel.

Apparently, 29% of pet owners let their pet sleep on the bed with them, so I gave it a try.

My goldfish died.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh.

Why do fish swim in schools?

Because they can’t walk.

What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can’t refuse?

The Codfather.

My friend is making a lot of money by selling photos of salmon dressed up in human clothes.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

What’s the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can’t tuna fish.

How do you make a fish laugh?

Tell it a whale of a tale.

What’s a fish’s favorite musical instrument?

A bass guitar.

Which day do fish hate the most?

Fry-day.

The swordfish has no natural predators to be afraid of.

Except for the penfish, which is thought to be mightier.

What do sea monsters eat?

Fish and ships.

Which fish go to heaven when they die?

Angel fish.

What did the fish say when he posted bail?

“I’m off the hook.”

What do you call a girl who catches fish?

Annette.

There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.

Two haddock got battered.

Which fish only swims at night?

A starfish.

Which kind of fish chase mice?

Catfish.

Where do shellfish go to borrow money?

The prawn broker.

How do fish always know how much they weigh?

They have their own scales.

Where do fish wash?

In a river basin.

What’s the most expensive sort of fish?

The goldfish.

Where do you weigh wales?

At a whale way station.

If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.

How do you stop a fish from smelling?

Cut off its nose.

My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!”

So I peed on it and said, “That’s for stinging my wife!”

Fishing Jokes & One Liners

I rang the fishing helpline today and said, “I’m rubbish at fishing, can you help me?”

The guy said, “Can you hold the line?”

I said, “No.”

There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?

Something catchy.

What do you call a Polish fisherman?

A fishing pole.

A guy is walking along the pier one day when he comes across an old man with his shoes off, trousers rolled up, legs dangling in the sea and fishing with an imaginary rod.

The guy’s confused so he asks, “What are you doing?”

The old man replies, “Fishing for idiots.”

“Sounds good,” says the guy. “Can I join you?”

The old man says, “Of course you can. Sit down here next to me, son.”

So the guy sits down and casts an imaginary rod out.

Then he asks the old man, “So, how many idiots have you caught today, then?”

The old man replies, “You’re the third this morning.”

My friend tells better fishing stories than me.

He’s got longer arms.

I went fly-fishing yesterday.

All I caught was two bluebottles.

I watched a good film about fishing last night.

It had a great cast in it.

Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day, but teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.

A guy rings his boss and says “Sorry, I can’t come to work today.”

The boss asks him, “Why not?”

The guy says “It’s my eyes.”

“Why? What’s wrong with your eyes?” asks the boss.

The guy says, “I just can’t see myself coming to work, so I’m going fishing instead.”

I sat and watched this guy fishing for four hours this morning.

Eventually he said to me, “Why don’t you give it a go?”

I said, “No thanks. I don’t have the patience.”

One day, Jim and Joe were out fishing when a funeral service passed over the bridge they were fishing by.

Jim took off his hat and put it over his heart until the funeral service had passed by.

Joe said “Gee Jim, I didn’t know you had it in you!”

Jim replied, “It’s the least I could do. After all I was married to her for 30 years.”

I got an email today saying I could win $5,000 in a fishing competition.

I just know there’s a big catch involved somewhere.

A drunk ice fisherman drills a hole in the ice and peers into it.

As he does so, a loud voice from above says, “There are no fish down there.”

So the drunk fisherman walks several yards away and drills another hole.

As he peers into it he again hears a voice say, “There’s no fish down there.”

So he walks about 20 yards away and drills another hole.

Once again the voice says, “There’s no fish down there.”

The fisherman looks up to the sky and asks, “God, is that you?”

“No, you idiot,” says the voice. “It’s the rink manager.”

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband’s best friend.

They make love for hours. Afterwards, while they’re just laying there, her phone rings.

The woman answers and has a short conversation.

When she hangs up her lover asks, “Who was that?”

“Oh,” she replies, “That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he’s having on his fishing trip with you.”

More Funny Jokes

If you enjoyed our collection of funny fishing jokes and fish jokes, be sure to check out the rest of our site for lots more laughs and funny jokes, including our funny fishing quotes and other animal jokes such as these: