We wouldn’t be shellfish enough to keep these funny lobster jokes and puns to ourselves. Which is lucky for you because they’re sure to claws lots of laughter!
Funny Lobster Jokes And Puns
I stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2.
I paid my $2 and he said…
Once upon a time there was this lobster…
Whats the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station the other is a busty crustacean.
I cannot eat shrimp, lobsters and clams that have been cooked by heated water vapor.
I have shellfish steamed issues.
What do you call an annoyed lobster?
I ate at Mary Poppin’s Restaurant last night.
Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious.
What do you call a crab that throws things?
Why don’t lobsters like to share?
Because they’re shellfish.
What do you call a Chinese lobster?
In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking up the wharf carrying two live lobsters, at least three pounds, one in each hand.
It was three weeks after the season closed. Whom should he meet at the end of the wharf but the Fisheries Officer who, upon viewing the live and wiggling lobsters, says, “Well me laddie, I got you this time – with two live lobsters, three weeks after the season closed!”
The Newfie says, “No, my son. You are wrong! These are two trained lobsters I caught two weeks before the season ended.”
The Fisheries Officer says, “Trained? Like how?”
“Well, my son, each day I takes these two from my house, down to the wharf, and puts them in the water for a swim. While they swim, I sits on the wharf and has me a smoke or two. After about 15 minutes I whistles, and up comes me two lobsters, and I takes them home!”
“Likely story,” the Fisheries Officer says. “Let’s take them on down to the wharf and see if its true.”
So, the Newfoundlander goes ahead of the Fisheries Officer to the end of the wharf where, under supervision, he gently lowers both lobsters into the water.
The Newfie sits on a wharf piling and lights up a smoke, then another.
After about 15 minutes the Fisheries Officer says to the Newfie, “How about whistling?”
The Newfoundlander says, “What for?”
The Fisheries Officer says, “To call in the lobsters.”
“What lobsters?” the Newfie asks.
What do you call a lobster that’s afraid of tight spaces?
What do lobsters drink in the morning?
In which part of the bread factory do lobsters work?
The crust station.
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset.
Why was the ocean screaming?
You would too if you had lobsters on your bottom.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the seaweed.
What’s the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who’s been run over by a bus?
One’s a crustacean, the other’s a crushed Asian.
Have you seen my lobster?
He’s a lost claws.
I was at a restaurant last night and I asked the waiter, “How do you prepare the lobster?”
He said, “We just tell him the truth, man. This is the end of the line.”
Which one is the odd one out: a crab, a tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a lobster?
A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.
One night, a Boston police officer knocked on a woman’s door.
“Ma’am,” he said, removing his hat. “I’m here about your husband. We have bad and good news.”
“Please, give me the bad news first,” the woman replies.
The officer replied, “I’m sorry, but someone stabbed your husband, cut his skin off and threw his corpse in the harbor.”
The woman began wailing, and crumpled to her knees. Utterly despondent she begged the cop, “Please, what could possibly be the good news?”
He replied, “Well Ma’am, when we pulled him up he had 20 four-pound lobsters crawling on him. Would you like one?”
Sobbing even louder, the woman shouted, “How DARE you! I’ve never been so insulted in my entire life!”
The officer replied, “Well, if you change your mind, we’re pulling him up again tomorrow morning.”
I asked my girlfriend if they serve whales at red lobster.
That way next time we go we know if we can bring her mother.
Have you heard about the lobster that rode a sea mammal into battle?
He did it on porpoise.
I once dated a woman who thought she was a lobster.
She was the most shellfish person I ever met.
What passengers were happy that the Titanic sank?
The lobsters in the kitchen.
Did you hear about the lobster that went to the party?.
It pulled a mussel.
There are no hipster lobsters…
In a Maine stream.