Shrimp Jokes

We’re not shellfish enough to not bring you these funny shrimp jokes and puns! We had to share them with you because they’re shrimp-ly the best!

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Funny Shrimp Jokes And Puns

A couple of shrimp were at the bar next to me, eating a bowl of fries.

I went to ask if I could have one, but the bartender stopped me.

“Don’t bother,” he said. “They won’t share. They’re two shellfish.”

Sad moment today when I ran over a box of shrimp.

Road krill.

What’s it called when a shrimp kills another shrimp?

A krilling spree.

Why do shrimp never give anything to charity?

Because they’re shellfish.

What do you call someone who buys and sells shrimp?

A prawn broker.

I once saw a shrimp finish third in the Olympics.

They gave him the prawns medal.

I cannot eat shrimp, lobsters and clams that have been cooked by heated water vapor.

I have shellfish steamed issues.

What do you call a shrimp that keeps getting hurt?

Accident prawn.

Why did the Australian fisherman get kicked out of the toy store?

Because he was throwing shrimp on the barbie.

I just found out there’s no popcorn in popcorn shrimp.

I guess there’s no need to try pot roast.

How come shrimp on Broadway don’t share?

They are show shellfish.

What do shrimp wear in the kitchen?

A-prawns.

So you’re tellin me a shrimp fried this rice?!

What do you call an all-you-can-eat shrimp dinner?

Overkrill.

I’ll never be friends with a crawfish or a shrimp.

They’re just two shellfish.

What did the fried rice say to the shrimp?

Dont wok away from me!

What did the suicidal shrimp say?

Krill me.

A man and his wife arrive from a business trip and go to his favorite steakhouse unaware of the mad cow outbreak in his town.

The waiter sits them and says, “Our special today is duck or shrimp.”

The man replies, “I want a T-bone steak medium well.”

The waiter, a bit miffed, continues, “What about the mad cow?”

The man looks at the waiter and says, “She can order for herself.”

A man was on a train eating a bag of fresh shrimps, ripping off the heads and shells and then throwing them out of the window.

After he had gobbled a few of them down an older woman opposite him said, “Would you mind not doing that? It’s disgusting to watch.”

“Listen, lady,” he replied. “It’s got nothing to do with you, I’ve paid my fare for this journey and I’ll do what I damn well want on this train.”

He carried on ripping off the shells, throwing them out of the window and eating the shrimps. Finally he finished the bag and settled back for a little sleep.

The woman then started some knitting and all the man could hear while he was trying to sleep was the incessant clicking of her knitting needles.

After a while, he sits back up and says to the woman, “Could you stop that noise, can’t you see I’m trying to sleep?”

“It’s got nothing to do with you,” replies the old woman, “I’ve paid my fare and I’ll do what I want on this train.”

At that, the man grabbed the woman’s knitting and threw it out of the window. The woman immediately stood up and pulled the train alarm cord.

The man burst out laughing and said, “Ha, ha, you’ll get fined heavily for that!”

To which the old woman replied, “And you’ll get six years when the police smell your fingers.”

What do shrimp watch when they’re horny?

Prawnography.

My cousin’s allergic to shellfish, and I laughed as I told him I put shrimp in his soup.

You should’ve seen his reaction.

Where’s the cheapest place to buy shrimp?

A prawn shop.

More Funny Jokes

If you enjoyed these funny shrimp jokes and shrimp puns, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes such as these: