Cow Puns And Cow Jokes

Holy cow! Run these udderly hilarious cow puns pasteurise and milk them for all they’re worth! Make no mi-steak, you’ll have no beef with them.

We hope you enjoy our collection of funny cow puns and jokes. If you do, take a look at the rest of our animal jokes too.

Hilarious cow jokes and puns

Udderly Hilarious Cow Puns

Bedtime cow joke from LaffGaff.

What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?

It’s pasture bedtime.

What’s a cow’s favorite day of the year?

Moo Years Day.

Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs?

Because the cow has the udder.

Where do baby cows go for lunch?

The calf-etiria.

There was a stampede at the dairy farm the other day.

It was udder chaos.

What does a cow like best about math?


Why do cows lie down in the rain joke.

Why do cows lie down in the rain?

To keep each udder dry.

What do you call a cow that eats grass?

A lawn-mooer.

Where did the cow take his girlfriend on a date?

To the moo-vies.

Why aren’t cows good listeners?

Because it goes in one ear and out the udder.

What’s a cow’s favorite city?

Moo York.

Did you hear about the cow who tried to jump over a barbed wire fence?

It was an udder disaster.

How does a farmer count his herd?

He uses a cow-culator.

What do cows say when they hear a bad joke?

“I am not amoosed.”

What’s a cow’s favorite subject in school?


What do you call a sad cow?


What’s a cow’s favorite moosical note?


What do call a cow that has just had a calf?


Where did the cow spend all its money?

At the cow-sino.

What did one cow say to the other on a cold night?

“I don’t know about you but I’m Fresian.”

What do you call a cow wearing armor?

Sir Loin.

Best Cow Jokes For Kids

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you get when you siit under a cow joke from LaffGaff.

What do you get when you sit under a cow?

A pat on the head.

What do you call a cow with a twitch?

Beef jerky.

Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?

He wanted chocolate milk.

What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

How can you tell if a cow is exceptional?

It’s outstanding in its field.

What do you call a cow with one leg shorter than the others?

Lean beef.

How do you make a milk shake?

Give a cow a pogo stick.

What do you get when you cross a smurf with a cow?

Blue cheese.

What makes the noise of a cow when you turn it upside down?

A cow.

What do you get when you cross a cow with a spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster?

A cockerpoodlemoo.

What do you get if you cross an angry cow with an irate sheep?

An animal that’s in a baaaaad mooood.

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work.

What is as big as a cow but weighs nothing?

It’s shadow.

What two members of the cow family go with you everywhere you go?

Your calves.

Why are cows such great dancers?

They have all the best moooves.

Why did the cow jump over the moon?

To get to the Milky Way.

What is a cow’s favorite color?


Why did the calf cry at school?

There was a bully there.

What animal goes oom oom joke from LaffGaff.

What animal goes “Oom, oom”?

A cow walking backwards.

What would you get if you crossed a cow with a rabbit?

A hare in your milk.

What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?

Milk and quackers.

What do cows get sick with?

Hay fever.

Cow Dad Jokes

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose.

Why do cows have no money?

Because farmers milk them dry.

Deja moo.

That feeling you’ve heard this bull before.

I’ve just got a new job as a nursery rhyme cow.

I’m over the moon.

When the farmer counted his cows in the field he had 196 cows.

When he rounded them up he had 200.

A farmer friend of mine has just told me he’s managed to cross a cow with a chicken.

Sounds like a cock and bull story to me.

What do you get if you cross a cow with a ghost?

Vanishing cream.

What kind of milk do you get from a forgetful cow?

Milk of amnesia.

My friend asked me if I wanted a game of darts.

I said, “Go on then, nearest the bull starts.”

He said, “Baa!”

I said, “Moo!”

He said, “You’re closest.”

What sound would you hear if you dropped a bomb on a cow?


Why did the farmer stop making cow jokes?

He kept butchering every one.

Where do cows get their medicine?

At the farm-acy.

Why did the secret service surround the president with dozens of cows?

They were trying to beef up security.

Two farmers are talking one day. The first tells the other that he’s had to shoot one of his cows.

The second farmer asks, “Was it mad?”

The first one replies, “Well it wasn’t very happy about it.

What did the cows do after someone broke into the barn?

They beefed up their security.

How do you move a cow with no legs?

I don’t know, but it would be an udder drag.

What did the cow say to its therapist?

“I feel seen, but not herd.”

Two cows are standing in a field eating the grass.

The first cow turns to the second and says, “Moooooo!”

The second cow replies, “Hey, I was just about to say the same thing!”

Where do cow farts come from?

Their dairy-ère.

What do you call a cow who’s forgotten how to make milk?

Udder-ly confused.

What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?

A laughing stock.

Why can’t cows join the police?

Because they refuse to go on steak-outs.

Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?

It wants to keep its Stockholm.

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

Why is telling a cow a funny cow joke pointless?

They’ve probably herd it before.

Two cows are standing in a field.

The first cow looks at the other and says “What do you think about all this talk of mad cow disease?

The second cow replies, “Why should I care, I’m a helicopter.”

Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?

He wanted rich milk.

Knock Knock Jokes About Cows

Knock knock.

Who’s there?


Cow who?

Cow much longer will you put up with all this knocking?

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting c…


Knock knock.

Who’s there?

A cow with no lips.

A cow with no lips who?

A cow with no lips said, “Ooo ooo!”

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Cows go.

Cows go who?

No, silly, cows go moo!

Knock knock.

Who’s there?


Moo-lah who?

Moo-lah-tiple laughs guaranteed with these funny cow jokes!

Knock knock.

Who’s there?


Candy who?

Candy cow jump over the moon?

Knock knock.

Who’s there?


Bull who?

Bull-ieve me, this cow joke’s hilarious!

Knock knock.

Who’s there?


Cow who?

Cow-a-bunga, dude!

Knock knock.

Who’s there?


Calf who?

Calf a moment, I’ve got another funny cow joke for you!

Knock knock.

Who’s there?


Moo who?

Make up your mind! Are you a cow or an owl?

Knock knock.

Who’s there?


Heifer who?

Heifer you heard this cow joke, it’s a classic?

Knock knock.

Who’s there?


Pasture who?

Pasture bedtime, but one more funny cow joke won’t hurt!

Knock knock.

Who’s there?


Milking who?

Milking these cow jokes for all they’re worth!

Cow Jokes For Adults

One day, a man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron golf club wrapped around his neck.

Naturally the doctor is curious and asks him what happened to him.

“Well, it was like this” says the man. “I was enjoying a quiet round of golf with my wife. We were playing the fifth hole which is really difficult and we both sliced our drives into a field full of cows. We went into the field to look for our balls, and while I was searching I noticed that one of the cows had something white in it’s backside.  So I went over, lifted up the cow’s tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. That’s when I made my big mistake.”

“Why, what did you do?” asks the doctor.

The man says, “Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and shouted to my wife, “Hey!  This looks like yours!”

A farmer arranges with his neighbor to have the neighbor bring his bull over to inseminate the farmer’s cow.

While the bull is doing the business with the cow, the farmer’s son and the neighbor’s daughter are leaning on the fence watching the whole thing.

The farmer’s son nudges the neighbor’s daughter, winks and says to her, “You know, I wouldn’t mind doing a little of what that bull’s doing.”

She replies, “Go right ahead. She is your cow, after all!”

There are two cows standing in a field.

The first cow says to the other, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.”

The second cow replies, “No way, I don’t believe you.”

The first says, “It’s true, no bull.”

A farmer had a fairly large herd of cows and three bulls, each bull keeping a strict eye on his portion of the cows.

A rumor started going around that the farmer was going to get another bull and the three bulls stood in the field discussing this.

The first bull said, “Well, there’s no way he’s going to get any of my cows.”

The second bull agreed, “Yeah, I’m not giving up any. He can wait till next year and get some of the new ones.”

The third bull who was a bit smaller said, “I don’t have as many as you guys so I’m not giving any up.”

Finally, the new bull arrived. The first three gathered at the edge of the field to watch him being unloaded from the trailor.

To their consternation, the biggest, meanest Brahma bull they’d ever seen came strolling down the ramp and glared at them.

He was at least three times bigger than any of them.

The first bull looked around nervously and said, “Well now, I suppose it would be a neighbourly thing to give this guy some cows. I think I’ll give him twenty of mine.”

The second bull said, “Yeah, I guess so, I’ll give him thirty of mine.”

They looked over at the small bull. He was busy pawing the grass, snorting, and shaking his head.

They went over and asked him what he was doing and suggested that he should give up some cows too.

He said, “Yes I know, I’m just making sure he knows I’m a bull!”

Long Jokes About Cows

A man goes to visit relatives who live on a farm. When he gets there, there is a cow standing outside which only has 3 legs.

The guy asks how it came to have only 3 legs.

The farmer says, “Oh, that’s Daisy. One day, she saved my live by running into a barn fire and dragging me out. Another time she saved our son’s life by leading us to the well he’d fallen into. She’s the most miraculous cow I’ve ever seen.”

The guy is impressed but asks, “But how did she lose her leg?”

The farmer says, “You don’t eat a cow like that all at once.”

A blonde woman was taking a walk in the countryside one day. She was in a field when she noticed something that intrigued her.

“Why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” she asked the local farmer who just happened to appear at that time.

“Well,” said the farmer, “Cows can do damage with their horns so we usually keep them trimmed down with a hacksaw. You can also treat young calves so their horns never grow. And some breeds don’t have any horns at all.”

He then continued, “But this cow doesn’t have any horns because it’s a horse…”

Two guys are riding on a train through Texas.

As the train passes by a ranch the first guy turns to the second and tells him there are 1,356 cows on the ranch.

The second guy says, “That’s amazing! I happen to own that ranch and I know for a fact that I have 1,356 head of cattle. How did you ever figure out the number of cows from a speeding train?”

“Oh it’s simple” the first guy replies. “I counted the legs and divided by four.”

A city guy was driving down a country road when his car broke down next to a field filled with cows.

He got out and although he new nothing about cars, started poking around under the hood.

One of the cows walked over to the fence, leaned over, looked at the engine and said, “I think the problem’s your carburettor.”

The guy nearly jumped out of his skin, and ran off to the nearest farmhouse. When he got there he banged furiously on the door.

The farmer opened the door, and the guy shouted “A cow just told me how to fix my car!” as he pointed towards the field.

The farmer looked over to the field and asked, “Was it a big brown cow?”

“Yes! Yes!” said the guy.

The farmer asked, “Did she have a big white spot next to her ear?”

The guy yelled, “Yes! Yes! That’s the one!”

The farmer sighed in exasperation. “That darn fool Daisy,” he said. “Don’t listen to her. She don’t know nuthin” about cars.”

A kid in school hands in a blank piece of paper for his art homework.

The teacher says, “What’s this?”

The kid says, “A picture of a cow eating grass.”

The teacher asks, “Where’s the grass?”

The kid says, “The cow ate it all.”

The teacher says, “Ok, then where’s the cow?”

The kid says, “It left because there was no more grass.”

Three blondes were walking in the countryside one day. They saw a set of tracks and started arguing over what kind of tracks they were.

The first blonde said, “I think they’re deer tracks!”

The second blonde said, “I think they’re dog tracks!”

The third blonde said, “Well, I think they’re cow tracks!”

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

A farmer was milking his cow one fine morning.

He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a fly flew into the barn and started buzzing around his head.

Then the fly flew into the cow’s ear.

The farmer didn’t think much about it, until the fly suddenly squirted out into his bucket.

It went in one ear and out the udder.

Cow One Liner Jokes

Don’t you find cow puns udderly ridiculous?

Once upon a time there was a bull who went into a field and stayed there for heifer and heifer and heifer.

Cow puns are moo-sic to my ears.

If you feel like you’ve herd all these cow puns before, you’re probably just experiencing deja-moo.

If that cow keeps mooing, we’ll have to press the moo-te button.

One of the problems with invisible cows is that they are always herd but never seen.

Why does a brown cow give white milk when it only eats green grass?

More Funny Jokes

If you enjoyed our collection of funny cow puns and cow jokes, why not check out our milk jokes as well as the rest of LaffGaff for lots more animal jokes, including these:

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