Pet Jokes And Puns

Animal jokes are some of our pet jokes and they don’t come any funnier than these hilarious pet jokes and puns! You’d have to be pretty petty to disagree!

Header image for a page of funny pet jokes and puns.

Funny Pet Jokes

A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees.

The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter.

“That’s one too many!” says the customer.

The clerk replies, “It’s a freebie.”

The NFL has this obscure rule where players aren’t allowed to own pet ducks.

It’s considered to be a personal fowl.

My kid wanted to get a pet spider from the pet store, but they are really expensive.

I can get a real cheap one off the web though.

What’s the loudest kind of pet?

A trumpet.

My son said he either wanted a car or a pet for his birthday.

So I sat him down in the living room and told him he could get both.

Then I showed him the carpet.

My roommate tried to keep two crows in our apartment as pets.

The cops arrested him for attempted murder.

I have a pet tree.

It’s kinda like having a pet dog but the bark is quieter.

I used to have a pet newt when I was little, his name was Tiny.

Do you know why his name was Tiny?

Because he was minute.

My wife thinks we should allow our pets to share our bed.

After a lot of argument, I finally gave in.

After 10 minutes, our goldfish finally settled down.

I love raising caterpillars as pets.

It always gives me butterflies.

My Norwegian girlfriend works at the pet store and I saw her checkout a pet bird today.

I guess you could say she Scandinavian.

I asked my Dad, “Can we get some pets?”

He said, “No. Pets are just a step backwards.”

My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.

Now I have a Nickel-less cage.

My son’s pet frog broke his leg yesterday.

He was very unhoppy.

I bought a muzzle for my pet duck.

It isn’t flashy, but it fits the bill.

My son wants a porcupine without quills as a house pet.

I said, “That’s completely pointless.”

At a rest stop the other day, a cop asked me why I was stroking the ground.

I said, “Officer, the sign clearly says to ‘pet area.'”

Petting geese always makes me sad.

Because every time I do, I feel a little down.

How do you discipline your pet rock?

You hit rock bottom.

How do your pets stop the TV show you’re watching?

They use paws.

My kid’s pet rabbit named Gotye ran away a few days ago, and we can’t find it.

Now he’s just some bunny we used to know.

Elton John has bought his pet rabbit a treadmill.

It’s a little fit bunny.

I walked into the pet store and I spoke to the guy at the counter.

“I’m looking for an inexpensive pet and I heard your birds are going cheep.”

Ewoks aren’t meant to be left outside.

They’re Endor pets.

I wanted to get a pelican as a pet.

But I couldn’t afford the bill.

A friend of mine claims he can throw a stick 5 miles and his pet dog will retrieve it.

I think that’s a bit far fetched.

My pet snake is 3.14 metres long.

He’s a pi-thon.

People keep telling me to get rid of my pet rock.

But it has too much sedimental value.

I tickled my pet octopus nine times but he didn’t laugh.

I guess he needs ten tickles.

My local pet store had a bird contest.

No perches necessary.

Did you hear about the virtual pet dog?

All byte, no bark.

I was having a good day until I stopped to pet a duck in the park.

Now I’m feeling a little down.

“My two pet birds seemed to be stuck together. What is going on?”

Vet: I have no idea. It’s toucan fusing.

I named the dog that sleeps in my car “Rug”.

He’s a car-pet.

The other day, I told my son a joke about his pet iguana’s diet.

Crickets.

I saw a guy walking his pet cheetah today.

He was pulling a fast one.

I run a chiropractic office for people’s pets.

It’s called Animal Crackers.

I entered a my pet snail into a race and removed its shell thinking it would make it faster.

Unfortunately, it only made it more sluggish.

My pet snake just lays around and won’t move.

I think he’s suffering from a reptile dysfunction.

More Animal Jokes

If these pet jokes made you laugh, check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny animal jokes, such as these: