Here’s a fun collection of hilarious Poodle jokes and puns! Be careful though – you’ll be crying so much with laughter there will be Poodles of tears on the floor!
Funny Poodle Jokes
Why should you never go for a jog if it is raining cats and dogs outside?
You might step in a poodle.
What do you call naked poodles?
What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel, a Poodle, and a ghost?
A cocker poodle boo.
Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.
The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, “The first one who can use the words ‘liver’ and ‘cheese’ together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.”
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, “I love liver and cheese.”
“Oh, how childish,” says the Poodle, “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.”
She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says, “How well can you do?”
“Ummmm…I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever.
“My, my,” says the Poodle, “I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.”
She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?”
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Chihuahua.
He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says, “Liver alone, cheese mine.”
Can I sell kayak equipment if my dog peed on it?
Can I peddle a paddle if it’s in a puddle of poodle piddle?
The man who cross breeds Labradors and Poodles will be adequate for the job at hand.
The Labradoodle dude’ll do.
Two guys took their dogs for a stroll and after a while the one says, “Let’s go and get something to bite at this restaurant over here.”
The other guy replies, “We can’t. They don’t accept pets.”
Thr first guy says, “No worries. Just follow me and do as I do.”
So the guy puts on his shades and enters confidently the restaurant where he is stopped by the waiter telling him that dogs are not allowed.
The guy says, “But this is my guide dog.”
The waiter replies, “Oh, I am terribly sorry, but you see, we have never seen a Poodle being a guide dog before.”
The guy says, “Ah, it’s the new craze. If well trained they are remarkable guide dogs,” and he proceeds to a table.
The second guy sees all this and puts on his shades as well and enters confidently, only to be stopped by the waiter saying, “No pets allowed.”
The second guy says, “But I am blind, this is my guide dog.”
The waiter replies, “Guide dog? It’s a Chihuahua!”
The guy say, “No way! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?!”
Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet’s, discussing why they were there. The first dog, a Poodle, told his woeful tale.
“My owners bought the great new sports car with leather seats. They took me for a ride in it one day, and I was so excited, I couldn’t help myself. I wet all over the backseat. I’m here to be put down.”
The other two dogs nodded sympathetically, then the second, a Saint Bernard, explained his situation.
“A brand new Persian rug had just been placed in the lounge room, and it was very expensive. My owners made a big fuss of it, when it came. Then, once when I was in the room, I had an incredible urge to roll all over it. So I did, and ended up getting quite a bit of my fur over the mat. My owners were very annoyed, and sent me here to be put to sleep.”
The other two dogs nodded, and the first dog asked the third, a German Shepherd, what he was there for.
“My owner has this habit of cleaning the house in the nude, and once when she was cleaning under the sofa, I just couldn’t help myself. I jumped on and had the ride of my life.”
The other dogs tut-tutted.
“So you’re here to be put down too?” one asked.
The German Shephard shook his head. “No, just to get my nails clipped!”
Tensions heat up between the U.S and the Soviets. In order to not go the nuclear route, the agree to a dog fight.
The Soviets get right to work, breeding the most savage dog they can and injecting it with steroids, growth hormones, gene therapy, you name it.
This goes on for a year until at last they’re convinced they have bred the most vicious dog imaginable.
Finally, the big day arrives. The stadium is packed, Soviets on one side, Americans on the other.
At 8:00 sharp the lights go down. The Soviet National Anthem is played as they wheel out their prize canine in a titanium cage.
This dog is the ultimate savage; frothing at the mouth, biting at the cage bars. He is something to be feared!
Moments later, the U.S. National Anthem is played- and out comes an old guy walking a poodle on a leash.
The audience goes deathly quiet as each side takes it in in disbelief!
Suddenly the Soviet dog chews through the steel bars and races toward the poodle.
It’s no contest! The Soviet dog leaps, jaws open, ready to tear the poodle limb from limb.
Suddenly, the poodle opens its mouth wide and literally engulfs the bigger dog and swallows it down whole.
Afterwards, the chief Soviet scientist is talking to the American side, “I… I cannot believe what I just saw! We poured billions of dollars into that dog!”
The American nods, “We did too… on plastic surgery on an alligator.”
A Poodle and a Collie are walking together when the Poodle suddenly unloads on his friend.
“My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a Schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as a cat.”
“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the Collie.
“I can’t,” says the Poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch.”