Dolphin Jokes

To all intents and porpoises these are the funniest dolphin jokes and puns you’ll find. We’re sure they’re bound to click with you!

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Funny Dolphin Jokes And Puns

Why couldn’t the dolphin get a life?

He had no porpoise.

I find it strange how everyone suddenly cares about straws killing dolphins.

They’ve been breaking camels’ backs for years.

I had a great conversation with a dolphin the other day.

We just… I don’t know. We just clicked.

An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks.

In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball.

In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick.

One of the visitors asked the guide, “So is this tank for the more serious dolphins?”

The guide said, “Yes, for all intensive porpoises.”

I went swimming with dolphins yesterday but there was one problem.

They were too clicky.

A teacher told her first grade class, “A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!”

A little girl gasped, “How about the married ones?”

I lost my pet dolphin.

Now my life has no porpoise.

What do you call a boring person from Finland?

A dolphin.

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks.

It cost me an arm and a leg.

A Swiss Army Knife is a lot like a pod of dolphins.


How do dolphins get job satisfaction?

By working in positions that give them a sense of porpoise.

A man with hearing problems crashed his car into an expensive car,

The owner of the expensive car walks out of his house and says, “Give me $10,000 or I’ll beat the hell out of you!”

The man replies, “Woah woah, buddy I don’t have that much, but let me call my son he trains dolphins.”

The man calls his son and right as he was about to talk, the owner of the expensive car yanks the phone out of his hand and says, “So you train dolphins? Well bring me $10,000 or I’ll beat your dad!”

The son answers, “Okay, give me 15 minutes and I’ll be there.”

15 minutes later the son pulls up with a jeep and out jump 10 men who start beating the owner of the car.

Meanwhile the son walks over to his father and says, “Dad, I train Seals not dolphins.”

My wife has a whale tattooed on her butt.

It used to be a dolphin.

Why did the fisherman commit suicide when the last dolphin died?

Because his life had no porpoise.

I was sitting on my dolphin, then I fell off.

Butt not on porpoise.

A fisherman took his boat far out to sea. He hooked a huge fish, and fought it for hours.

Unfortunately, as he wasn’t strapped into his seat, he was yanked overboard, and began to drown.

Suddenly, he was rescued and brought back to his boat by a pair of dolphins.

Without thinking, the fisherman thanked them. They replied, “You’re welcome!”

Amazed, the fisherman said, “You can talk! This is amazing! Is there anything I can do to repay you for saving my life?”

“Yes, indeed,” they replied. “We are magical dolphins. We are also immortal, as long as we consume a rare breed of seagull chick once every 500 years. As it so happens, our time of need is near. We ask that you travel to the Island of Gulls and get a chick for each of us. There is but one tree on the island, and the nests are in that tree.”

The man followed the dolphins in his boat to the island, and he dropped anchor waded ashore.

He could see the tree from the beach, and began his trek through the underbrush toward it.

He froze in his tracks, however, when he saw the base of the tree was guarded by huge lions!

Blessedly, they were fast asleep. Being a man of his word, the fisherman tiptoed bravely around the lions and climbed the tree.

He snatched two of the odd, blue-colored chicks and stuffed one in each coat pocket.

He then climbed down, crept back past the lions, fought his way back through the bushes, and was just within sight of his boat when he was stopped by a policeman in full uniform.

“You’re under arrest, sir. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will…”

“Hold up, officer!” The man interjected. “What are the charges? What crime could I possibly have committed?”

“Sir,” the officer replied, reading his clipboard. “You are under arrest for transporting young gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.”

A dolphin trespassed and took over my pool.

I guess I could drain it, but that would defeat the porpoise.

A new study shows that dolphins are second in intelligence to man.

I guess that puts women in third.

A dolphin goes into the bar.

The barman says, “Well, that was a big tsunami!”

I heard that dolphins have vestigial legs.

It would seem evolution de-feeted the porpoise.

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