It’s never twirly for funny helicopter jokes and puns and so here are all our favorites! There’s not Apache joke among them!
Funny Helicopter Jokes
Dad: Son, in Iraq I killed 15 people.
Son: Dad, you were a helicopter mechanic.
Dad: Never said I was a good one.
Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people?
I’m still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife.
We leave early Saturday morning from New York and will fly to Boston, where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend’s yacht. Then we’ll do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home.
If interested, please message me.
Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can’t go.
Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter.
As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said, “I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?”
The other responded, “I hope so too. Imagine if they ran out, we’d be stuck up here forever!”
Why don’t helicopters fly in the morning?
A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft’s navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position and course to get back to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building with lights on and flew toward it, the pilot had the passenger draw a handwritten sign reading, “WHERE AM I?”, and hold it up for the building’s occupants to see.
People in the building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window.
Their sign said, “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.”
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the passenger asked the pilot how the “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER” sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded, “I knew that had to be the Microsoft support building, they gave me a technically correct but entirely useless answer.”
A blonde was taking helicopter lessons and she was finally ready to try it on her own. The instructor told her to radio him every 1000 feet to make sure everything was okay.
At 1000 feet she radioed him, “Everything is fine.”
At 2000 feet she radioed him, “Everything is fine, just getting a little cold.”
But before she reached 3000 feet the helicopter began to slowly come down. It crashed into the ground ruining the helicopter, but the blonde was fine. The instructor ran to her side to comfort her, “What happened?”
She replied, “I told you it was getting cold. So I shut off the giant fan.”
Never shave in a helicopter…
Unless you want Apache beard.
Walter took Ethel to the state fair every year, and every time he would say to her, “Ethel, you know that I’d love to go for a ride in that helicopter.”
But Ethel would always reply, “I know that Walter, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars.”
Finally, they went to the fair, and Walter said to Ethel, “Ethel, you know I’m 87 years old now. If I don’t ride that helicopter this year, I may never get another chance.”
Once again Ethel replied, “Walter, you know that helicopter is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars.”
This time the helicopter pilot overheard the couple’s conversation and said, “Listen, folks, I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll take both of you for a ride; if you can both stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won’t charge you! But if you say just one word, it’s 50 dollars.”
Walter and Ethel agreed and up they went in the helicopter.
The pilot performed all kinds of fancy moves and tricks, but not a word was said by either Walter or Ethel.
The pilot did his death-defying tricks over and over again, but still, there wasn’t so much as one word said.
When they finally landed, the pilot turned to Walter and said, “Wow! I’ve got to hand it to you. I did everything I could to get you to scream or shout out, but you didn’t. I’m really impressed!”
Walter replied, “Well, to be honest, I almost said something when Ethel fell out but, you know, 50 dollars is 50 dollars!”
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Do you have any helicopter flavored chips?”
The bartender says, “No, we only have plane.”
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employee was absent without giving any prior notice. Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted by a child’s whispered, “Hello.”
“Is your Daddy home?” he asked.
“Yes,” whispered the little voice.
“May I talk with him?”
The child whispered, “No.”
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”
“May I talk with her?”
Again the small voice whispered, “No.”
Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anyone else there?”
“Yes,” whispered the child, “A policeman.”
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”
“No, he’s busy,” whispered the child.
“Busy doing what?”
“Talking to Mommy and Daddy and the neighbours,” came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”
“A helicopter,” answered the whispering voice.
“What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed a helicopter.”
Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle, “Me!”
Two cows are standing in a field.
One cow says, “Man that mad cow disease sure is scary isn’t it?”
The other responds, “Yeah it is, thank God I’m a helicopter.”
The President and his closest allies are involved in a terrible plane crash, and are left clinging to debris in the middle of the stormy sea.
As time passes, their arms grow weaker, and the squall grows stronger, until the waves threaten to swallow them up. Suddenly, an army helicopter appears overhead, and a soldier on board lowers a rope to pull the President up.
As soon as the head of government is brought in, the soldier turns to him and says, “Sir, unfortunately, this is a very small helicopter, and we only have room for one more person. Who should we rescue?”
The President peers over the edge of the chopper, at his closest allies down below. Among them are the Secretary of State, the Chief of Staff, and the National Security Adviser.
By now, they are on the verge of being overwhelmed by the stormy sea, and whoever is left behind will certainly drown before more help arrives.
The President looks from one face to the next, before finally shaking his head in resignation, unable to choose who to save. “I’m too tired, son. Do what you think is best for the Nation.”
“Sir, yes sir!” the soldier gives a sharp salute, before pushing the President back into the raging ocean and flying away.
Why isn’t a fleet of helicopters…
Just called hellacopters?
I turned off the fan because I was a bit cold.
I wonder why everyone else on the helicopter is panicking?
What did the airplane say to the helicopter?
Mad props, yo!
Did you hear about the helicopter that crashed into a cemetery?
They found like 200 dead bodies.
What do you call a police helicopter?
I’ve heard of helicopter parents…
But I’ve yet to meet a baby helicopter.
A nervous soldier had jumped from a helicopter.
He radioed to his commander, “Are you sure these parachutes are safe?”
The commander chuckled, reassuring the solider, “We’ve had no complaints about them.”
(In Scottish Accent) What’s wrong with Mickey Mouse’s helicopter?
More Funny Jokes
If you enjoyed our funny jokes about helicopters, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more hilarious jokes, such as these: