Sow the seeds of laughter with these funny plant jokes and puns! Even if you’re not convinced at first, they’re sure to grow on you!
Funny Plant Jokes
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited.
When she passed away I fulfilled my promise.
She’s dead and berried.
You can’t plant flowers if you haven’t botany.
I want to tell you all about a girl that only ate plants.
You’ve probably never heard of herbivore.
What do plants eat when they’re kind of hungry but not that hungry?
A light snack.
It’s kind of silly we’re trying turning plants into burgers
Haven’t cows been doing that for like, forever?
Asking out the cute girl at the flower store:
“Got any plants this weekend?”
Sherlock Holmes was gardening when Watson came over and asked what he was planting.
“A lemon tree, my dear Watson.”
Why are plants so thin?
They always eat light.
Why did the farmer bury a lightbulb?
He wanted to grow a power plant.
Recently, I have started gardening and started to plant all my herbs in alphabetical order.
People often ask how I find the time.
I tell them, “It’s next to the sage.”
What plant sneaks up on you?
An ambush.
Did you know it’s illegal to water your plants in China?
It causes the microphones to rust.
Why did the tree install solar panels?
It wanted to be a power plant.
Has anyone else’s gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on my couch at the beginning of March and I’ve grown significantly since.
I’m so excited for spring…
I wet my plants.
What type of plant hits people before it scares people?
Bamboo.
How do you clone a plant?
Stem cells.
What do you call a flower that is full of electricity?
A power plant.
Why do plants hate math?
It gives them square roots.
What do you call the argument between two vegans?
A plant-based beef.
There was an old man who lived by a forest.
As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald.
That day, he called his children to a meeting…
He said, “Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it’s completely gone now. My hair can’t be saved. But look outside at the forest. It’s such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they’ll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair.”
“What I want you to do…” the man continued. “Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family’s duty to keep this forest strong.”
So they did.
Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.
And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
“Some plants,” said the teacher, “Have the prefix ‘dog.’ For instance, there is the dogrose, the dogwood, the dogviolet. Now name another plant prefixed by ‘dog’.”
“I can,” shouted one of the students, “Collieflower!”
I had a dream where I was planting myself in a garden.
It felt so real, I actually soiled myself.
Two dinosaurs were walking one day and they came across another dinosaur they had never seen before, eating plants.
One says, “Who is that?!” and the other replies…
“I dunno. I’ve never seen herbivore!”
My Christmas plant has lost its leaves…
Now it’s a disapointsettia.
They found a plant that cures COVID-19!
It’s called plant yourself on the couch.
I decided to grow a garden this year.
Most of the plants grew really well, but one of my herb plants struggled and eventually died so I had to throw it out.
It was thyme.
I want to be a chicken farmer but my chickens always end up dying.
Maybe I’m not planting them deep enough.
What kind of plant likes Halloween?
Bam-Boo.
What is the highest number that a plant can count to?
Tree.
What do you get when you plant a donut?
A pastree.
A man was waiting for a bus one day, when he noticed a young blonde woman digging a hole and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt.
He watches as they move up the street doing this over and over again.
The first blonde digs a hole, and the second one fills the dirt right back in.
After a few minutes, he decides to ask them, “Excuse me, what are you ladies doing?”
“We’re working,” the first blonde replies.
“Just the two of you?” He inquires.
“Well,” the second blonde chimes in, “There’s usually three of us, but the girl that plants the trees called out sick.”
Why do plants use photosynthesis?
So they can have a light snack.
My wife swears the CIA put a listening device in our yard disguised as a tree.
I told her it’s just a plant.
More Funny Jokes
If you enjoyed our hilarious pun and jokes about plants, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, including these:
