Funny Vegetarian And Vegan Jokes

Veganism and vegetarianism are definitely getting more popular so lettuce start by saying that these vegetarian and vegan jokes aren’t meant to be offensive. They’re only meant as a gentle ribbing in the best possible taste, and we hope they appeal to your sense of hummus. Enjoy!

A collection of funny vegan jokes and vegetarian jokes

Funny Vegetarian & Vegan Jokes

Sometimes I wonder how vegans survive off of what little they eat.

Then I remember they feed off of attention.

Do you know what Bruce Lee’s vegetarian brother is called?

Brocco Lee.

I met this woman today who said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

I never understood why people dislike vegans so much.

I have never had a beef with them.

A vegan said to me people who sell meat are disgusting.

I said people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

I have a vegan girlfriend. Don’t get me wrong, I love her very much.

But sometimes I think she just looks at me like a piece of carrot.

Veganism is like communism…

They are both fine, unless you like food.

I had to give up my vegetarian diet.

Turns out they’re a lot harder to catch than cows.

If two vegetarians are arguing, is it still called “a beef”?

How can you tell if someone is a vegan?

Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.

How many vegans does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger?

One, if nobody’s looking.

What do you call a vegetarian who starts eating meat?

Someone who lost their veg-inity.

What do you call a vegan post-punk band?

Soy Division.

How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to check for animal ingredients.

What do you call a fascist vegan?

Lactose intolerant.

What should a vegan do before he enters the butcher?

Prepare for the wurst.

Why are all lesbians vegetarian?

Because they don’t eat meat.

What do you call a vegan with diarrhea?

A salad shooter.

How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb?

None, vegans can’t change anything.

What’s the toughest part of being a vegan?

Apparently keeping it to yourself.

Why did the tofu cross the road?

To prove he wasn’t chicken.

How does a vegan begin grace before meals?

Lettuce pray.

I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a huge missed steak.

Why does vegan cheese taste bad?

It hasn’t been tested on mice.

How many carnivores does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They prefer to stay in the dark.

What did one vegetarian say to the other vegetarian?

We have to stop meating like this.

I’m trying to go vegan but I still sneak away for an occasional burger.

Sometimes you just need a little meat time.

What do you call a dumb omnivore?

A meathead.

I’m 95% vegan now.

Basically, I’m vegan all the time.

Except when I’m eating.

Did you hear about the vegan devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to seitan.

I’m on a vegan diet.

They taste great.

I’d be vegetarian if bacon grew on trees.

What do you call it when one chickpea murders another?


Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

I’m a social vegan.

I avoid meet.

A vegetarian goes to the doctor with a carrot sticking out of his nose, a stick of celery sticking out of one ear and a lettuce sticking out of the other.

He asks the doctor what’s wrong with him.

The doctor says, “Well for a start, you’re not eating right.”

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

What car does a German vegetarian drive?

A Volks-vegan.

The first rule of vegan club: tell everyone about vegan club.

I asked the waiter, “Do you serve vegans here?”

He said, “Of course, how would you like them cooked?”

If animals aren’t supposed to be eaten, then why are they made out of meat?

I became a vegetarian because I couldn’t make ends meat.

Did you hear about the vegan transgender?

He was a herbefore.

Apparently, Jude Law has a vegetarian son.

Coles Law.

Vegan And Vegetarian Jokes & Puns

If you enjoyed our collection of vegetarian and vegan jokes and puns, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, including these: