Onion Jokes And Puns

You’ll cry with laughter at these funny onion jokes and puns because they’re so ap-peeling! So spring to life and read them now!

Header image for a page of funny onion jokes and puns.

Funny Onion Jokes And Puns

What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?

Thanks shallot.

What’s an opinion without 3.14?

An onion.

My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry.

So I threw a pumpkin at her.

My girlfriend had tears in her eyes when I proposed to her.

Probably because I used an onion ring.

I saw an onion ring.

So I answered it.

What do you call an onion that won’t hold water?

A leek.

What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?


What’s round, white and giggles?

A tickled onion.

What did the wedding cake say while it was cutting an onion?

I’m in tiers.

Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?

In case Mr. Onion rings.

What do you call a ghetto onion?

A rapscallion.

I am going to start Web site that is dedicated to revealing secret recipes that contain vegetables that are in the same family as onion and garlic and are especially good with potatoes.

It will be called wikileeks.com.

My friend said to me, “Spring, shallot, French, red, pickled.”

He really knows his onions.

Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?

It’s called Shallot’s Web.

My wife’s an abysmal cook.

She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…

She made a right hash of it.

What do you call a hobbit with a healthy appetite?

Lord of the Onion Rings.

I’m allergic to green onions.

Every time I eat them, I break out in chives.

My wallet is like an onion.

Whenever I open it my eyes tear up.

Did you hear about the mischievous green onion that sang hip hop?

He was a real rapscallion.

A mother, father and daughter onion are out for a walk.

They get to the streetlight at an intersection and as the walk sign lights up, they begin to cross but a careless driver catches the daughter onion and she rolls to the side of the road, horribly injured.

She is rushed to the hospital and after a few hours the doctor comes to the waiting room to speak to the parents: “Sir, ma’am, I have good news and bad news.”

“Okay, give it to us Doc, we want to know how she’s doing.”

“Well,” says the doctor, “the good news is your daughter is going to live.”

The parent onions feel a huge relief, then ask for the bad news.

“The bad news is, she’s going to be a vegetable for the rest of her life.”

Why do we cry…..

When it’s the onions that are being hurt?

I’m an annoying on the outside, but I’m like an onion.

You peel back the layers, find the same thing and just start crying.

Where do onions fight?

In the onion ring.

Where do onions go when they want a few drinks?

The salad bar.

More Funny Food Jokes

If you cried with laughter at our hilarious jokes about onions, then don’t worry because that’s not shallot! We have loads more funny jokes at LaffGaff, including these other food puns and jokes:

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