We’ve brought you our funny food puns before but if you relish the idea of pickle puns, then you’ll be pickled by these jokes. They’re i-dill for anyone looking for some pickle fun. So enjoy this collection of funny pickle jokes and puns.
Hilarious Pickle Jokes & Puns
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
What do a bunch of soon-to-be pickles and a heavy pool stick have in common?
You either have some cucumber or a cumbersome cue.
I watched a documentary last night about how pickles are made.
It was jarring.
My pickle order was totally under-cooked.
I got a really raw dill.
Why couldn’t the pickle leave the bar?
Because the door was ajar.
I’m like a jumbo kosher pickle.
Guess you could say I’m a pretty big dill.
Why do pickles wear glasses?
They’re legally brined.
What did one cucumber seed say to the other?
We’re in a bit of a pickle.
What’s a cucumber’s favorite musical instrument?
How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience.
What did the pickle do when it won the championship?
He just stood there to relish the moment.
What’s green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
Why do gerkhins giggle a lot?
Because they’re pickle-ish.
A lorry carrying brine has crashed on the motorway.
Drivers are described as being in a bit of a pickle.
I was arguing with a friend over a curry when the waiter ran over and grabbed the pickles and rice.
I wish he’d stop taking sides.
What did the pickle say when he walked into the casino and sat down at the card table?
Dill me in.
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I’d had enough.
“Why don’t you pickle someone your own size?” I shouted.
What’s green and got two wheels?
Why did Costco stop selling 5 gallon jars of pickles?
Shelving them was cucumbersome.
I walked into the kitchen today to find my blonde wife looking very confused while holding a jar of pickle.
“What’s wrong?” I asked her.
She replied “This jar of pickle says to store it in a cool, dark location.”
I said, “Okay, how about in the fridge?”
She said “No, silly, there’s a little light inside.”
What’s black and white and green in the middle?
Two zebras, fighting over a pickle.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
If you see a man-eating cucumber, run away!
If you stick around, you could end up in a pickle.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
This guy had devoted his whole working life to his job in a pickle factory.
Then one day he got home from work and told his wife he’d been fired from his job.
She was very upset at this and angry at the company he’d worked for, shouting, “You’ve given that firm twenty years of devoted service. Why the heck did they fire you?”
The guy explained, “For the whole twenty years I worked there I’ve been tempted to stick my John Thomas in the pickle slicer and today I finally did it!”
The wife screamed in horror and ran over to her husband. Then she pulled his pants down to see what damage had been done.
She let out a big sigh of relief. “You look okay” she said, “So what happened to the pickle slicer?”
The guy said, “They fired her, too.”
What do you say to a pickle in the morning?
Rise and brine.
Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor.
What did one say to the other?
Dill with it!
I ate a sour pickle about an hour ago.
It wasn’t that dill-icious.
What’s a baby gherkin’s favorite TV channel?
I’m going to start a company that makes medium sized pickles.
Not to brag or anything but it’s kind of a big dill.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge.
I don’t think he likes pickle.
Why shouldn’t you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you’ll find the cue cumbersome.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
Where do pickles go to buy a car?
What do you call a genius pickle?
What kind of pickle is the best at singing?
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said “reject if depressed”, so now I’m off to take an overdose.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
Why are there no sea cucumbers in the dead sea?
Because they’re sea pickles.
I’ve just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can’t get it out.
I’m in a right pickle!
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
What’s green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
She shouts angrily, “If you had 4 pickles and I asked for one, how many would you have left?”
The guy replies, “If it was you who asked, I’d still have 4 pickles.”
What’s green and swims in the sea?
If you don’t know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Who’s a pickle’s favorite artist?
What’s green and wears a cape?
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I’m kind of a big dill.
What’s a pickle’s favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it’s ajar.
Where’s a pickle’s favorite place to go in London?
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
What’s a pickle’s life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
What did the pickle say to the cat?
Nothing, pickles can’t talk.
My new girlfriend has a fetish for being covered in cheese and pickle.
She’s a cracker.
How do pickles enjoy their day off?
They relish it.
I just came back from the state fair where I saw the world’s smallest pickle.
It was no big dill.
Jokes About Pickles
If you enjoyed our collection of funny pickle jokes and puns, why not check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes and humor, such as these: