Tomato Jokes And Puns

These hilarious tomato jokes and puns made me laugh from my head tomatoes. Ketchup with them now and see if they make you giggle too!

Header image for a page of funny tomato jokes and puns.

Funny Tomato Jokes And Puns

A cabbage, a tomato, and a nose were having a race.

The cabbage was ahead, the nose was running, and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

Why did the tomato turn red?

It saw the salad dressing.

My wife asked me to put tomato ketchup on the shopping list that I was writing out.

I can’t read a word now.

What does potatoes and tomatoes have in common?


If I were a farmer, how would I measure my height?

From my head, tomatoes.

What type of tomato smells best?

A Roma.

What’s red and invisible?

No tomatoes.

What do you call it when a chef has you choose between 2 tomatoes?

An ultomato.

What’s red and square?

An uncool tomato.

Two tomatoes were walking down the street.

They decided to cross the road.

On the way over, one of the tomatoes got squished by a car.

The other yelled, “Come on, ketchup!”

I like to put coriander on my blended tomatoes.

It’s soup herb.

“Should I be concerned about eating genetically modified tomatoes?”

Tomato: “No”

[grocery store] Ok, milk…check, eggs…check, tomatoes…check.

“Sir, please stop writing separate checks for every single item.”

What did the tomato say to the potato?

“I’ll ketchup with you later.”

Yesterday I got covered in ketchup from my head tomatoes.

I was watching a series about crushed tomatoes but I fell asleep.

Now I have to ketchup.

I’m setting up a tomato stall.

I’ve spotted a gap in the market.

What did the vegetarian say to the doctor?

I feel good. From my head, tomatoes.

I’m a lazy cook so I prefer Canada recipes…

You know, the ones that say, “Add a canada tomatoes, a canada beans, a canada corn…”

How do you fix a broken pizza?

With tomato paste.

A guy tried to start a fight by throwing dough, shredded cheese, and tomato sauce at me.

So I said, “You wanna pizza me?”

I planted my tomato plants too late this year.

Now they’re playing ketchup.

I love to smother my burger with lots of chunky tomato, onion and garlic condiment.

I really relish it.

Why is O scared of Tom?

Because tomatoes.

An old Italian gentleman wanted to plant his annual tomato garden.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son which read as follows:

“Dear Vincent, I am pretty sad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa.”

A few days later, he received a letter from his son.

“Dear Papa, Don’t dig up that garden! That’s where the bodies are buried. Love Vinnie”

At 4 am next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day, the old man received another letter from this son.

“Dear Papa, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances. Love you, Vinnie.”

A tomato and a cucumber bounce into a bar.

“Larry and I have been wanting to become human for a while now,” the tomato says to the bartender. “But none of the other bars in town have drinks that will turn us into humans. Do you have such a drink?”

“I think I do,” says the bartender. “Let me see if I have it.”

“This is gonna be great, Bob!” gushes Larry the cucumber.

The bartender serves drinks to the two of them, and sure enough, they both turn human!

“Look at me, Bob!” exclaims Larry the ex-cucumber. “I’m human!”

“That’s very nice, Larry,” says Bob the ex-tomato, “but do be careful!”

Larry happily prances out the door. He is so excited about being human, he forgets to look both ways before crossing the street, and he is hit by a car and turns back into a cucumber.

Bob rushes outside to save his friend, but he too forgets to look both ways, is hit by a car, and turns back into a tomato.

The bartender rushes outside and calls an ambulance.

“Are they still alive?” asks the dispatcher.

“They are,” says the bartender, “But I’m worried they will be vegetables for the rest of their lives.”

A tomato, a tap and a hat were having a race.

The tap was running but the hat was on ahead while the tomato couldn’t ketchup.

Create new password: Tomato.

Confirm new password: Tomato.

Error: Passwords don’t match.

A Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato, and baby tomato are taking a walk.

The baby starts falling behind so out of frustration the Papa Tomato turns around, steps on him, and yells, “Ketchup!”

What looks like a half tomato?

The other half.

What’s red, round and you can’t see it?

A tomato in another country.

Why did the tomato go out with a prune?

Because he couldn’t find a date.

More Funny Food Jokes

If you enjoyed our funny jokes about tomatoes, take a look at the rest of LaffGaff for lots more food puns and laughs, such as these:

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