We thought we’d better toe the line and bring you these funny toe jokes and puns! Read write to the foot of the page to enjoy them all!
Funny Toe Jokes
What has five toes but isn’t your foot? My foot.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, “Do you want me to call… a toe truck!!??”
I’m slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo, “Head and Shoulders” … haven’t followed up with a bodywash called, “Knees and toes.”
Why can’t Lebron James stand on his tippy toes? He gets no support from his Cavs.
Earlier, I was driving behind an ambulance when a cooler fell off the back. I stopped and opened it up to find a foot inside. So I decided to call a toe-truck.
What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
I dropped my knife and cut off a toe. After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor came in:
Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.
Me: Tell me the bad news first, doc.
Doctor: The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe.
Me: No way. Whats the good news?
Doctor: The good news is the surgery was successful.
Me: What are you trying to say?
Doctor: You now have a Tic-Tac toe.
When God created man:
God’s assistant: Is it done?
God: Hmm, add a little toe to his foot.
God’s assistant: Why?
God: For furniture.
God’s assistant: Furniture?
God: Believe me it’ll be funny.
I stubbed my toe and got scolded by my parents for yelling, “What the duck!” They were angry that I used fowl language.
Athletes get athlete’s foot. What do astronauts get? Missile toe.
My daughter painted her toenails black for winter formal tonight. I told her, “I hope you don’t run into anyone who’s black-toes intolerant.”
I went on a date with someone who has amputated multiple toes, it didn’t work out. Because I’m lack-toes-intolerant.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Cutting your toe off with an axe.
Learning to walk in high heels really kept me on my toes.
I lost my pinky toe in and accident. I decided to use a breath mint as a prosthetic. Now I have a Tic Tac Toe!
Ironman’s favorite Christmas present this year were rockets he can fire from his feet. He calls them missile toes.
If you took all the people in the world who fall asleep during church, and laid them head to toe in a straight line … they’d all be a lot more comfortable.
There was a guy who lost all of his toes to frostbite. His wife now hates him. Turns out she’s lack-toes intolerant.
What do cannibals ingest to freshen their breath? Men toes.
What’s the difference between a camera and a sock? One takes photos, the other takes five toes.
Babies toes are almost the same size and shape as tic-tacs. That makes them tic-tac-toes.
When your foot falls asleep … yYou have coma toes.
Why can’t T-Rex touch his toes? Because he’s extinct.
What did the cell say to his sister cell that stepped on his toe? Mitosis.
Me: “Doctor, my stomach is so big I can’t see my big toe!” Doctor: “You should diet.” Me: “What color?”
Did you hear about Santa’s elf who shoots rockets from his feet? His name is Missile Toe.
I stubbed my toe against a gold bar. Au Au Au.
I lost a toe sucking contest last week. To be fair, it was the first time I tasted defeat.
My friend was changing a flat tire when he dropped the car on his foot. Now he needs a toe.
Why don’t cows wear shoes ? They lactose.
I heard ants absorb milk through their toes, but the the larger ants can’t do that. They lack toes in taller ants.
My wife is a demanding ballerina. She keeps me on my toes.
What do you call a guy with no shins? Toe-knee.
I dropped a huge bottle of ketchup on my foot. It caused severe pain to-ma-toes.
Why do ballet dancers change their routine right before the show? To keep them on their toes.
Which toe is the easiest to see? A photo.
What do you call a fake toe? A faux toe.
How does Snoop Dogg pay for pedicures? Crip toe currency.
What kind of truck runs over your feet? A toe truck.
Why can’t baby ants walk to the store to get milk, but adults can? Because they lack toes in toddler ants.
I’m creating a martial art where you only hit people with your toes. It’s called Toe-fu.
Want to know a secret about lower legs? I’d tell you, but it’s on a knee to toe basis.
I’ve just invented a machine which can create facsimiles of prosthetic appendages. It’s a faux-toe-copier.
Which ancient Greek Philosopher had a foot fetish? Play-toe.
I broke 3 toes leaving a job interview today. But at least I got my foot in the door.
What do you call a man with his big toe above his shin? Tony.
I covered myself from head to toe in mirrors today. I don’t really know why, maybe I’m just at that age where you do a lot of reflecting.
What has one toe and many eyes? A potato(e).
Why do elephants paint their toes? So they can hide in fruit trees. Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a fruit tree? Of course not, they’re too good at it.
I’ve started a new job where I test cat flaps with my toes. I’m only doing it to get my foot in the door.
Jokes About Toes
If you liked these hilarious puns and jokes about toes, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, including these: