It’s always a good idea to have some funny comebacks and insults ready, just in case. There’s nothing worse than being stuck for words only to kick yourself afterwards when you think of a good comeback far too late.
So here’s a selection of what we think are the most savage funny comebacks in an argument so you can make sure you’re always armed with a good roast.
Top 5 Best Comebacks
Here are our top 5 best comebacks to insults in an argument. Arm yourself for your next insult battle now!
I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one.
If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
The only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s ass and wait.
More Savage Roasts & Mean Funny Comebacks
Here are more of the funniest and meanest comebacks to insults!
Mean Comebacks
It looks like your face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer.
You’re so fat you could sell shade.
I’m sorry, was I meant to be offended?
The only thing offending me is your face.
If I had a face like yours I’d sue my parents.
If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.
I thought of you today. It reminded me to take the garbage out.
You’re so ugly when you look in the mirror, your reflection looks away.
I typed “Idiot” into Google yesterday. Your picture came up.
No, those pants don’t make you look fatter – how could they?
Hey, you have something on your chin… no, the 3rd one down.
Too bad you can’t Photoshop your ugly personality.
Savage Comebacks
If I wanted a bitch, I’d have bought a dog.
Your family tree must be a cactus because everyone on it is a prick.
You’ll never be the man your mother is.
Your only purpose in life is as an organ donor.
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother.
What’s the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
Jesus loves you… but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all stupid people.
There’s no doubt about it. Your father should have pulled out earlier.
Did you know they used to be called “Jumpolines” until your mum jumped on one?
Gay? I’m straighter than the pole your mom dances on.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parent’s job.
More Good And Funny Comebacks
What doesn’t kill you, disappoints me.
I’ve seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission.
Scientists say the universe is made up of neutrons, protons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not for me to point it out?
Your lips keep moving but all I hear is “Blah, blah, blah.”
Just because you have one doesn’t mean you need to act like one.
Someday you’ll go far… and I hope you stay there.
Stupidity’s not a crime, so you’re free to go.
Your doctor called with your colonoscopy results. Good news – they found your head.
Save your breath – you’ll need it to blow up your date.
You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck when thinking.
Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
The zoo called. They’re wondering how you got out of your cage?
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
I was hoping for a battle of wits but you appear to be unarmed.
Aww, it’s so cute when you try to talk about things you don’t understand.
I love the sound you make when you shut up.
I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.
You are proof that evolution can go in reverse.
Brains aren’t everything. In your case they’re nothing.
When you were born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to your dad, “I’m very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through.”
Grab a straw, because you suck.
I’m sorry I didn’t get that – I don’t speak idiot.
It’s better to let someone think you’re stupid than open your mouth and prove it.
Isn’t there a bullet somewhere you could be jumping in front of?
Hey, your village called – they want their idiot back.
Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?
I’ve been called worse by better.
You’re such a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful person. Oh I’m sorry, I thought we were having a lying competition.
You should really come with a warning label.
I may love to shop but I’m not buying your bull.
Do you always act like an idiot or do you just show off when I’m around?
The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes.
Don’t you get tired of putting make up on two faces every morning?
I’d slap you but I don’t want to make your face look any better.
You know, all the makeup and the clothes can’t change what an ugly person you really are.
I just stepped in something that was smarter than you… and smelled better too.
You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.
Jealousy is a disease. Get well soon.
I am returning your nose. I found it in my business.
I hear there’s a new app called a sense of humor. You should try downloading it.
You’re the reason God created the middle finger.
Don’t blame me for your stupidity. Take that up with your mom and dad.
You know, you’d be much more likable if it wasn’t for that hole in your mouth that noise comes out of.
Witty Comebacks
I’ve got higher heels than your standards.
I’m an acquired taste. Don’t like me, acquire some taste.
I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up your butt.
If you’re waiting for me to care, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be a while.
You can’t Photoshop personality.
I just farted. That’s as close as you’re going to get to me giving a sh*t.
Quick – check your face! I just found your nose in my business.
You’re not as dumb as you look. I mean, how could you be?
The jerk store called, they’re running out of you.
Have a nice day, somewhere else.
More Good Comebacks & Funny Jokes
If you liked our collection of mean yet funny comebacks to insults and roasts, why not check out the rest of LaffGaff for our huge collection of funny jokes, including these:
