Redneck jokes are jokes about working class, rural or southern white Americans. They usually play on stereotypes of rednecks being unsophisticated and not the brightest.
With absolutely no offence intended, here’s a collection of our favorite funny redneck jokes.
Two reasons why it’s so hard to solve a redneck murder:
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
This guy walks into a bar in Redneck county and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised and the bartender looks around and says: “You ain’t from around here, are ya… where ya from, boy?”
The guy says, “I’m from England.”
The bartender asks, “What th’ hell you do in England?”
The guy responds, “I’m a taxidermist.”
The bartender asks, “A taxidermist… now just what th’ hell is a taxidermist?”
The guy says, “I mount animals.”
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, “It’s okay boys, he’s one of us!”
What makes sandwiches perfect for rednecks?
They’re in bread.
How do you know the toothbrush was invented by a Redneck?
Anyone else would have called it a ‘teethbrush’.
Two rednecks go on a fishing trip.
They rent all the equipment – the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods; they spend a fortune.
The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they’re driving home they’re really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, “Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?”
The other guy says, “Wow! Then it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!”
What do Rednecks call duct tape?
Two young rednecks were looking at a Sears catalogue and admiring the models.
Earl says to the Bubba, “Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalogue?”
Bubba replies, “Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!”
Earl says, with wide eyes, “Wow, they aren’t very expensive. At this price, I’m buying one.”
Bubba smiles and pats him on the back, “Good idea! Order one and if she’s as beautiful as she is in the catalogue, I’ll get one too.”
Three weeks later, Bubba asks his friend Earl, “Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalogue?”
Earl replies, “No, but it shouldn’t be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!”
How can you tell if a Redneck is married?
There are tobacco spit stains on both sides of his pickup truck.
What’s the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies?
Hey y’all… Watch this!
At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him.
“Well,” Bubba began, “We wuz havin’ a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, ‘Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?'”
“And then what happened?” the officer interrupted.
“From what I remember,” Bubba said, “I stood up and said, ‘Sure, I’m game.'”
Why do Rednecks go to movies in groups of 18 or more?
17 and under are not admitted.
Why do birds fly over trailer parks upside down?
There’s nothing worth crapping on.
What are the only two seasons a Redneck can name?
Football and construction.
Two redneck hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bulls. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up.
They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected he said, “The plane can take out only four of your elk. You will have to leave two behind.”
One of the hunters pushed forward, “Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. What’s with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year.
Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. They crashed in the wilderness.
Climbing out of the wreckage, one redneck said to the other, “Do you know where we are?”
“I think so,” replied the other redneck. “Yep! I think this is about 100 yards further along than where we crashed last year!”
How do you castrate a Redneck?
Kick his sister in the mouth.
There were some backwoods hillbillies living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly. John hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence.
This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river. John was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and whip Clarence.
He left the house and returned in a matter of minutes. His wife asked what was wrong, didn’t he intend to go over the bridge and whip Clarence?
He replied that he never had really seen Clarence up close and didn’t realize his size until he started over the bridge and saw the sign: “CLEARANCE 8 FT 3 IN”
How do you end a party in a trailer park?
Flush the punch bowl.
A redneck husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name.The wife, amused at first, chuckles.
A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this. “Mother of six,” the redneck would say, “what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!” She gets very frustrated.
Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, “Mother of six, I think it’s time to go!” The wife immediately shouts back, “I’ll be right with you, father of four!”
How did the Redneck die from drinking milk?
The cow fell on him.
A woman walked up to a little old redneck rocking in a chair on his porch.
“I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long happy life?”
“I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise.”
“That’s amazing,” the woman said. “How old are you?’
“Twenty-six,” he said.
What does a Redneck do when the dishwasher stops working?
He slaps her on the ass and tells her to get back to work.
A redneck couple gets married and are on their honeymoon. The woman changes into a sexy outfit and lies on the bed. She looks sheepishly up at her new hubby and whispers, “Please be gentle with me. I’m a virgin.”
The man gets up screaming, grabs his trousers and runs home to tell his father.
His father comforts him by saying, “Now, now. It’ll be okay, son. If she wasn’t good enough for her own family, then she isn’t good enough for ours.”
A redneck walks into a bar with a wet, steaming pile of dog dirt in his hands.
He looks over at the bartender with pride and says, “Look what I almost stepped in!”
Bubba the redneck decided to save up and get a hang-glider.
He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge– into the wind he goes!
Meanwhile, Maw and Paw Hicks were sittin’ on the porch swing talkin bout the good ol days when maw spots the biggest bird she ever seen!
“Look at the size of that bird, Paw!” she exclaims.
Paw raises up,” Git my gun, Maw.”
She runs into the house, brings out his pump shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG…BANG…..BANG…..BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops.
“I think ya missed him, Paw,” she says.
“Yeah,” he replies, “but at least he let go of Bubba!”
What’s the difference between Virginia and West Virginia?
In Virginia, Moosehead is a beer. In West Virginia, it’s a misdemeanor.