Mustache Jokes And Puns

Well, that was a close shave! We almost forgot to bring you these funny mustache jokes and puns! Enjoy them – they’re sure to grow on you!

Funny Mustache Jokes

I used to not like my mustache. But now it’s growing on me.

Why did the rapper shave off his fancy mustache? It couldn’t handle the bars.

Our doorbell rang and my son called to me, “Dad, there’s a salesman here with a mustache!” I yelled back, “Tell him I’ve already got one!”

Why did the mustache go to the bank? For a shavings account.

The Pope likes to don a fake mustache and walk around the Vatican, praying for the poor. It’s a blessing in disguise.

A while ago my roomate moved out, and while I was cleaning his old room when I stumbled upon a fake mustache in a box under his bed, when I asked him about it he replied, “You finally found it, my secret stache.”

What kind of moustache does a bicycle grow? A handlebar moustache.

I just got rid of my mustache. Better shave than sorry.

I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.

A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells, “I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader!” A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him. Later he brings the man to Stalin. The soldier tells Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man, “Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets?” The man responds, “I was thinking about Hitler, of course!” Stalin lets him go but then he stops the soldier and says, “Who were YOU thinking about?”

I didn’t think I could ever pull off wearing a mustache. But I’ll admit it’s really growing on me.

A mustache must ache.

Mustaches are taking over. And it’s happening right under our noses.

Once there was a young man called Benny who rescued a leprechaun. In return the leprechaun said he would live young and healthy forever as long as he never shaved his beard. Benny lived for many, many, many years, always young and healthy and had a glorious beard. One day, as can happen to any man, Benny met a beautiful woman. After a wonderful courtship he asked her to marry him. She agreed on the condition that he shave his beard. Benny thought about this for a long time and tried a few things like trimming his beard really short to see what would happen. When nothing happened he decided he could probably risk shaving his beard but leaving his mustache and sideburns. As soon as he finished shaving, the leprechaun appeared, shook his head, and snapped his fingers. Benny immediately dropped to the floor and turned into a pile of dust. His fiancee was so upset that she could not bear to part with him. So she put his dust into a beautiful Grecian urn. Which just goes to show, a Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

What do you call an angry man with a mustache? A pistachio.

Why is a mustache well ventilated at all times? Because it’s very ‘airy.

Complimenting a mustache should be a good thing. I don’t know why she took it as an insult.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Mustache. Mustache who? I mustache you a question but I’ll shave it for later.

What do you call a cow’s mustache? A moostache.

It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went. Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.

“Doctor, I’ve tried everything to find love but it just wont work, what else can I do?” “Have you tried shaving your mustache?” “No.” “Well you should, Karen.”

For a school play, my son accidentally applied a fake mustache with super glue. I told him to keep a stiff upper lip.

What did the teenager say when he was eagerly waiting for his mustache and beard to grow? I wish you were hair.

Why do Italian men grow mustaches? To try to look like their mothers.

What part of your face has to make you feel pain all the time? A mustache.

I’ve been dating a twin named Susie and my friend asked how I could tell them apart. I said, “That’s easy. Susie has a beauty spot on her cheek. And Brian has a mustache.”

What do you call a mustache soaked in urine? A pistachio.

Why are the careers of celebrity mustaches so short lived? They are hair today, gone tomorrow.

A duck walks into a store and asks, “Got any duct tape?” The owner answers, “No, and get out of here, you dumb duck!” The duck comes back in a little while later, wearing a fake mustache. “Got any duct tape?” “NO! And get out, I won’t tell you again,” the owner shouts. A while later, the duck comes back with a hat and glasses. “Got any duct tape?” “No, you stupid duck!!! And if you ask me again, I’ll staple your beak to the floor!” The duck pauses. “Got any staples?” “Err… no…” “Got any duct tape?”

I spent years searching for the perfect mustache. It was right under my nose the whole time.

Just a word of advice, if a woman at work asks you “When are you going to shave off that ridiculous mustache?!” Do not reply “When you shave yours!” It could land you in HR.

Little Timothy was a bright young boy, and he was even fairly handsome. The only problem was that he had lost his eye in a fishing accident when he was younger. His family was too poor to afford a glass eye, so his grandfather whittled him a wooden one. He was made fun of all through school for his eye and it completely destroyed his self-esteem. But he was tired of letting the world get him down. The school dance was coming up and he would be darned if he didn’t let himself have a good time. Timothy had eyes for a girl named Sally. She was shy and just as lonely as he was, due to having a fairly pronounced mustache, earning her the nickname, “Hair-lip”. Well Timmy saw past her ‘stache and thought she was the most beautiful girl in school, and he decided he was going to ask her out. He waited until lunch, and spotted her eating a peanut butter sandwich alone in the corner of the lunchroom. He marched up to her and said, “Sally, I’ve been seeing you around for a while, and, well… Would you like to go to the dance with me?” Sally’s eyes lit up and she responded, “Would I!” Timothy said, “Hair-lip!” and walked away.

My neighbor always tells me he was the coolest kid in grade 6. Today I found out he was the only kid in his class with a driver’s license and a mustache.

What do you call a mustache growing on someone’s cheek? A miss-tache.

I mustache you a question, can eyebrows your computer?

Is that a moustache, or did your eyebrows come on down for a drink?

I had a friend who always wore a mask, so he grew a mustache without anyone noticing it. I guess you could say that he had a secret ‘stache!

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Jokes About Mustaches

If you enjoyed these puns and jokes about mustaches, be sure to take a look around the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these:

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