Confucius was a Chinese philosopher credited with many wise sayings. And now, of course, there are many so-called Confucius Say jokes that take the same form as his actual quotes.
And as we love funny stuff like that, we’ve gathered together all the finest examples here. So enjoy this collection of funny Confucius Say jokes and sayings.
Confucius Say Jokes & Sayings
Confucius say…
Man who walk in front of car gets tired, man who walk behind car get exhausted.
Man who not poop for many days must deal with backlog.
Man who cut self while shaving lose face.
Man who leap off cliff, jump to conclusion.
Man with five penises have pants that fit like glove.
Man who walk through airport turnstyle sideways going to Bangkok.
Man who sneeze without tissue takes matter in own hand.
Squirrel who runs up woman’s leg will not find nuts.
Man who laugh last, not get joke.
Man who live in glass house should get changed in basement.
Constipated man not give a crap.
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
Man with hole in both pockets not feel too cocky.
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
Man who fart in church, sit in own pew.
Many nails needed to make crib, only one screw needed to fill it.
Woman laid in tomb may become mummy.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Woman who fly upside down, have crack up.
Man who sleep on bed of nails is holy.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
War not determine who right, war determine who left.
Lady who goes camping with man must beware of evil intent.
Man who go to sleep with sex problem on mind, wake up with solution in hand.
Inventor of shag carpet make big pile.
Man who want pretty nurse must be patient.
Prostitute who like bondage, strapped for cash.
Man who throw dirt losing ground.
Fly which rest on toilet seat get pissed off.
Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.
Man who fishes in other man’s well, often catch crab.
Man who shoot off mouth, must expect to lose face.
Man who kisses girl’s behind, get crack in face.
Woman who spend much time on bedspring may get offspring.
House without toilet is uncanny.
It good to meet girl in park, but better to park meat in girl.
Girl who sit on lap of judge, get honorable discharge.
Wise man not keep sledge hammer and slow computer in same room.
Wise man not play leapfrog with unicorn.
Woman who sinks in man’s arms soon has arms in man’s sink.
Man who drives like hell bound to get there.
Funny Confucius Say Jokes & Sayings
If you liked these funny Confucius Say jokes and sayings, check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, including these:
