Toilet Paper Jokes

There’s no need to paper over the cracks because we’re on a roll now, so we thought we’d bring you these funny toilet paper jokes and puns! They won’t wipe the smile from your face!

Header image for a page of funny toilet paper jokes and puns.

Funny Toilet Paper Jokes And Puns

I’ve run out of toilet paper and started using old newspapers instead.

The Times are rough.

Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in a crack.

My wife said, “I wish I had bigger boobs.”

I said, “All you have to do is wipe toilet paper between them.”

She asked, “How would that do anything?!”

I said, “Well, look what it did to your butt!”

What do the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?

They both look for Klingons around Uranus.

I got in touch with my inner self today.

That’s the last time I’m buying cheap toilet paper.

Where did the Terminator find toilet paper?

Aisle B, Back.

Still no toilet paper at the store today.

They’re wiped out.

I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves.

But I’m scared this is the tip of the iceberg.

My wife always yells at me for the way I face the toilet paper, but I can’t help it.

That’s how I roll.

What do you call a dinosaur that uses cheap toilet paper?

Megasoreass.

Where does toilet paper come from?

Toiletries.

What’s a mathematician’s favorite type of toilet paper?

Multiply.

A man has to poop and has no toilet paper so his friend says to wipe with a dollar.

He comes back with poop on his fingers.

The friend asks, “Why is there poop on your fingers?”

“It’s hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel!”

Does anyone here know how to toast toilet paper?

A friend told me it was possible but I’ve never been able to figure it out.

I only know how to brown it on one side.

Today my son asked me if he could eat toilet paper.

When I asked why, he said that this way it wipes itself on the way out.

I’ve started to use a bidet instead of toilet paper.

It’s right up my alley.

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

To get to the bottom.

What’s the maximum amount of toilet paper you can have?

A butt load.

Ultra strong toilet paper should be called heavy doody.

I only use single ply toilet paper.

It has a more personal touch.

BREAKING NEWS: There was an explosion at the Charmin toilet paper plant in Baltimore, Maryland.

I’m told no one was killed but many suffered from soft tissue damage.

What’s the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?

So you’re the one!

What do toilet paper and numbers have in common?

Both can be multi-ply’d.

Why could the toilet paper not stop?

Because it was on a roll.

I called the toilet paper manufacturer to complain about a dysfunctional layer of the product.

They wouldn’t re-ply.

Some people aren’t shaking hands because of the Coronavirus.

I’m not shaking hands because everyone is out of toilet paper.

If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper for a 14 day quarantine you probably should’ve been seeing a doctor long before COVID-19.

A deer had a bar. One day, he found the toilet window broken, so he asked the patrons “Who broke the window?”

A hare responded, “I kinda did…”

The deer asked, “What do you mean by ‘kinda’?”

The hare says, “Well, I was taking a dump and after the bear finished his, he took me and tried to wipe his butt, but then he saw I wasn’t toilet paper and threw me right out of the window”.

The deer fined the bear $500.

A few days later, the window got broken again, so the deer asked, “Who broke the window?”

A squirrel responded, “I kinda did…”

The deer asked, “What do you mean by ‘kinda’?”

The squirrel said, “Well, I was taking a dump and after the bear finished his, he took me and tried to wipe his butt, but then he saw I wasn’t toilet paper and threw me right out of the window”.

The deer fined the bear $1,000.

A few days later, the whole toilet got messed up. The fixtures were smashed, the toilet broken and bloodied, the window broken, the door scratched, etc. So the deer asked, “Who did all this?”

The hedgehog replied, “I kinda did…”

More Funny Jokes

If you enjoyed these funny toilet paper jokes and puns, we have lots more funny jokes such as these: