Never take these funny rock jokes and puns for granite! They have a lot of sedimental value to us!
Funny Rock Jokes
Do you think anyone has ever slapped Dwayne Johnson on the butt and then proclaimed, “Well I’ve hit rock bottom”?
Geology rocks but geography is where it’s at.
I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.
It’s my jingle bell rock.
What rock group has only four members and none of them sing?
Mount Rushmore.
I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length.
Must be some kind of milestone…
My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring.
The stone was cut in the shape of a four leaf clover.
I wore it all the time to show how much it meant to me.
One day, I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller’s.
Unfortunately they told me that my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.
It was a sham rock.
Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool.
I lost the Rock’s paper scissors.
The salt packet says it was created from a 250 million year old Himalayan rock salt bed.
The label says the expiry date is June 2018.
I’m so glad they dug it up just in time.
I think I’m going to open a store that sells rocks.
When we have special promotions, I can make a commercial on the radio that says, “Don’t take this shale for granite!”
What kind of rocks are sour?
Limestone.
I saw a sign that said “Falling rocks”.
I tried. It doesn’t.
I bought a guitar made out of diamond.
Now I can play some hard rock.
Why didn’t Dwayne Johnson’s downstairs neighbor recognize him?
Because he’s been living under a rock.
I saw a hipster rock today.
It said it was lava before it was cool.
I’m not sure why rocks cost so much in England.
I mean, one stone is 14 pounds for crying out loud!
Why did The Rock break up with his girlfriend?
Because she took him for granite.
My bacon kept curling in the frying pan.
So I took away their little brooms and rocks.
How does the rock pee?
He Dwaynes his Johnson.
Why does a space rock taste nicer than an earth rock?
It’s a little meteor.
Do you know why I love rocks?
They’re very sedimental to me.
Why do people wear shamrocks on St Patrick’s day?
Regular rocks are too heavy.
What did the geologist say when he collected 69 rocks?
Gneiss.
How do you discipline your pet rock?
You hit rock bottom.
My wife told me she is thinking about selling Egyptian rocks.
It sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.
Did you hear about the quarry that went out of business?
They hit rock bottom.
People keep telling me to get rid of my pet rock.
But it has too much sedimental value.
Rocks don’t get the respect they deserve.
A lot of people take them for granite.
“But, Holmes, what kind of rock could be formed by deposition and consolidation of mineral and organic material and from the precipitation of minerals from a solution?”
“Sedimentary, my dear Watson.”
I’m not good with conversations, so I practice talking to large rocks.
It helps me speak boulder.
Why did Mr and Mrs Barnacle go to couples’ counselling?
Because their marriage was the rocks.
The sexiest mythological creature is Medusa.
Whenever I see her I get rock hard.
I saw a crying baby in a hot car today, I grabbed a rock and threw it at the window.
Little did I know the window was rolled down…
At least it stopped crying.
More Funny Jokes
If you laughed hard at these hilarious puns and jokes about rocks, be sure to take a look at the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, including these:
