Dinner, dinner, dinner, Batman! Everyone loves a super hero and the only thing better than super heroes is funny super hero jokes! So, below is our selection of the best and funniest super hero jokes from around the web (not Spiderman’s!).
After you’ve finished laughing at these super hero jokes, why not check out our fun super hero quiz too.
Funny Super Hero Jokes
Three drunks are standing on top of the Empire State Building looking down at the streets far below.
The first drunk says to the other two, “You know, it’s a funny thing about the wind currents you get up here. A person could jump off of this building right now and not even hit the ground; the wind would carry him right back up here to the top of the building!”
The second drunk doesn’t believe him and says, “No way! You’re crazy!” but the first drunk says, “I’m serious! Watch!”
He then jumps off of the building, floats in the air, and the wind carries him right back up and he steps back onto the building.
The second drunk is amazed and says, “Wow, let me try!”
So he jumps off of the building and falls helplessly to the street below, landing with a horrible noise, and being killed instantly.
The third drunk looks at the first one and says, “You know, Superman, you can be a real jerk when you’re drunk!”
What do you call it when Iron Man does a cartwheel?
A ferrous wheel.
What does Peter Parker tell people when they ask what he does for a living?
He says he’s a web designer.
The world’s most useless superhero has to be X-ray man – the hero with the power of X-ray vision.
Concerned citizen: “Quick, he’s getting away”
X-ray man: “Yes, I can see that.”
What does a super hero put in his drink?
I went to the DVD rental store and asked if I could have Batman Forever. The guy said, “No, just 24 hours like the others.”
Batman and Robin go camping in the desert one day. They find a suitable spot, pitch their tent and soon fall asleep.
In the middle of the night, Batman wakes his faithful friend saying, “Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
Robin replies, “Why Batman, I see millions of stars.”
Batman then asks him, “And what does that tell you?”
Robin is silent for a while while he thinks about this then he says, “Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. And theologically, it’s evidence the Lord is all-powerful and how small and insignificant wea re. Meteorologically, it looks as though we’re in for a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Batman?”
Batman is also silent for a moment, then says, ” Robin, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent!”
What’s Spiderman’s favorite month?
Why is there never a Thor in an Avengers tribute act?
Because he has no Loki-like.
If I could be any super hero, I think I’d be Aluminium Man.
My superpower would be foiling crime.
What do you get if you cross the man of steel with a hot broth?
I was browsing eBay today when I saw an advert: “For sale. Almost complete Batman DVD collection. No Returns”.
I also saw on eBay: “For sale. Incredible Hulk t-shirt. Usual wear & tear”.
Superman had been doing a lot of crime fighting recently and fancied a break and to let his hair down a bit, so he rang Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club and maybe pick up some girls.
Batman replied that he was sorry he couldn’t make it because Robin was ill and he had to look after him.
Superman was a bit disappointed but soon thought, “Not to worry” and rang Spiderman instead, to see if he fancied a few beers.
Unfortunately, Spiderman told him that he’d already arranged a hot date with Cat Woman so he couldn’t make it either.
Superman was now at a loss as he really wanted to go out. So he decided to fly over to Wonder Woman’s apartment to see if she was free and fancied going out. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman through the open window. She was lying on her back, completely naked on the bed with her legs wide open.
Superman liked the look of this and thought to himself: “I’m faster than a speeding bullet, I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she even knew what was happening.”
So Superman zipped in through the window and did his super thing in a split second then he flew off happy and satisfied.
On the bed, Wonder Woman said: “Did you hear something just then?”
“No,” said the Invisible Man, “But my ass sure hurts like hell!”
The most confusing super hero film is The Invisible Man. Very hard to follow.
If I could be any super hero, I’d call myself Ironic.
So that when there’s any trouble and I’m running away, people will be like, “Isn’t that Ironic?”
What’s the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
Iron Man is a super hero. Iron Woman is a command.
I was invited to a super hero fancy dress party at my friend’s house. I couldn’t be bothered going so afterwards I told my friend I was actually there dressed as the Invisible Man.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up would they be alloys?
What would you find in Superman’s bathroom?
Where do most superheroes live?