Property Jokes

Property is theft according to Pierre-Joseph Proudhon, so we couldn’t possible keep these funny property jokes to ourselves!

Header image for a page of funny property jokes and puns.

Funny Property Jokes And Puns

What tea do rich people buy?


I built an electric fence around my property yesterday.

My neighbor is dead against it.

My dad likes to sit in his front yard chasing kids off his property.

Like some Lawn Enforcement Officer.

What’s a communist’s favorite part of math?

The distributive property.

My neighbour just got arrested for growing weed.

I guess my property line isn’t where I thought it was.

Is it okay to peek into your neighbor’s house if you are still technically in your own property?

Personally I’m on the fence.

King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.

Sir Veyor.

A cowboy counted 48 horses on his property, but when he rounded them up…

He had 50.

How do you call a Spanish guy crossing your property?


A Texan came to visit my farm in Southern Illinois and asked me how many acres I had.

I said, “About 500”.

He said, “I can get in my truck and drive all day and never get off my property!”

I said, “Yeah, I had a truck like that.”

What did Mariah Carey say when her boyfriend bought her an undeveloped property so they could build their dream house?

I don’t want a lot for Christmas.

Why is suicide illegal in China?

Destruction of government property.

My neighbour wrongly accused me of property theft.

I didn’t take a fence.

An elderly gentleman was on his deathbed as his wife and three children and nurse stood close by.

Then he spoke, “Bill, you take the Beverly Hills houses. Mary, you take the offices in the Center Center. Debra, the apartments over the L.A. Plaza are yours. To my dear wife, take all the residential buildings near downtown.”

The nurse was really impressed. She said, “Your husband must have been quite a man, amassing so much property to leave to all of you.”

The wife replied, “What property? The schmuck had a paper route!”

A college student walks up to a farmer and asks, “Excuse me Sir, I couldn’t help but notice that on the far north end of you property, I saw some cottonwood trees. Would it be okay if I go and harvest me a few bags?”

The farmer scratches his head and says, “Everybody knows you can’t get cotton from a cottonwood tree.”

“Well, Sir. I am an educated man and I think I can.”

The farmer allows him to go and a few hours later the student comes back with two overstuffed bags.

“See, Sir. I told you I’m educated.”

The farmer is amazed.

A few weeks later, the same college student comes up the drive and says, “Excuse me sir, but on the west end of your property, I saw some honeysuckle, and I was wondering if it would be okay to get a few jars of honey?”

The farmer says, “Come on, Son. Everyone knows you can’t get jars of honey from honeysuckle. But go ahead.”

A few hours later, the student returns with two big jars of honey.

“See, sir? I’ve told you I’m educated.”

A few weeks later the student returns a third time.

“Excuse me, Sir? I couldn’t help but notice that on the far south end of your property, you have some pussywillow.”

“Son,” the farmer says. “Let me grab my hat.”

More Funny Jokes

If you enjoyed these jokes about property, be sure to visit the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, including these:

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