Edinburgh Fringe Best Jokes

The Edinburgh Festival Fringe is the largest arts festival in the world, taking place in August every year. There is no selection committee so any type of act may take part. It has become a showcase for the performing arts, especially comedy and the UK TV channel Dave compiles a list of the funniest jokes each year and announces its top Edinburgh Fringe best jokes for that year.

Here are some of the Edinburgh Fringe best jokes winners over the years:

The best jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival

2017 Best Jokes

1) “I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change.” – Ken Cheng

2) “Trump’s nothing like Hitler. There’s no way he could write a book.” – Frankie Boyle

3) “I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the point?” – Alexei Sayle

4) “I’m looking for the girl next door type. I’m just gonna keep moving house till I find her.” – Lew Fitz

5) “I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’. But he hesitated.” – Andy Field

6) “Combine Harvesters. And you’ll have a really big restaurant.” – Mark Simmons

7) “I’m rubbish with names. It’s not my fault, it’s a condition. There’s a name for it …” – Jimeoin

8) “I have two boys, 5 and 6. We’re no good at naming things in our house.” – Ed Byrne

9) “I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died… which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine.” – Olaf Falafel

10) “Whenever someone says, ‘I don’t believe in coincidences.’ I say, ‘Oh my God, me neither!'” – Alasdair Beckett-King

11) “A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men’s singles event.” – Angela Barnes

12) “As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer.” – Adele Cliff

13) “For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don’t want to do it.” – Phil Wang

14) “I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark.” – Adam Hess

15) “I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act.” – Tim Vine

2016 Best Jokes

1) “My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He’s a man after my own heart.” – Masai Graham

2) “Why is it old people say ‘there’s no place like home’, yet when you put them in one …” – Stuart Mitchell

3) “I’ve been happily married for four years – out of a total of 10.” – Mark Watson

4) “Apparently one in three Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit.” – Mark Smith

5) “I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn’t much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer … came second.” – Will Duggan

6) “Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated.” – Tiff Stevenson

7) “I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words.” – Gary Delaney

8) “Why is Henry’s wife covered in tooth marks? Because he’s Tudor.” – Adele Cliff

9) “Don’t you hate it when people assume you’re rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money?” – Annie McGrath

10) “Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask.” – Jordan Brookes

11) “Hilary Clinton has shown that any woman can be president, as long as your husband did it first.” – Michelle Wolf

12) “I spotted a Marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound.” – Roger Swift

13) “Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer.” – Arthur Smith

14) “I’ll tell you what’s unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses.” – Zoe Lyons

15) “Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word.” – Phil Nicol

2015 Best Jokes

1) “I just deleted all the German names off my phone. Now it’s Hans free.” – Darren Walsh

2) “Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse… but enough about Kanye West.” – Stewart Francis

3) “Surely every car is a people carrier?” – Adam Hess

4) “What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.” – Masai Graham

5) “If I could take just one thing to a desert island… I probably wouldn’t go.” – Dave Green

6) “Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That’s not a miracle. That’s tapas.” – Mark Nelson

7) “Red sky at night. Shepherd’s delight. Blue sky at night. Day.” – Tom Parry

8=) “The first time I met my wife I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves.” – Alun Cochrane

8=) “Clowns divorce. Custardy battle.” – Simon Munnery

10) “They’re always telling me to live my dreams. But I don’t want to be naked in an exam I haven’t revised for…” – Grace The Child

2014 Best Jokes

1) “I’ve decided to sell my hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.”  – Tim Vine

2) “I’ve written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn’t fit it into my set.” – Masai Graham

3) “Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief.” – Mark Watson

4) “I was given some Sudoku toilet paper. It didn’t work. You could only fill it in with number 1s and number 2s.” – Bec Hill

5) “I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn’t let me.” – Ria Lina

6) “Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal.” – Paul F Taylor

7) “Scotland had oil, but it’s running out thanks to all that deep frying.” – Scott Capurro

=8) “I forgot my inflatable Michael Gove, which is a shame ’cause halfway through he disappears up his own a——-.” – Kevin Day

=8) I’ve been married for 10 years, I haven’t made a decision for seven.” – Jason Cook

10) “This show is about perception and perspective. But it depends how you look at it.” – Felicity Ward

2013 Best Jokes

1) “I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa.” – Rob Auton

2) “I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole-destroying.” – Rob Auton

3) “I’m in a same-sex marriage… the sex is always the same.” – Alfie Moore

4) “My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I said to him ‘Don’t be Sicily’.” – Tim Vine

5) “I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell.” – Gary Delaney

6) “The Pope is a lot like Doctor Who. He never dies, just keeps being replaced by white men.” – Phil Wang

7) “You know you are fat when you hug a child and it gets lost.” – Marcus Brigstocke

8) “The universe implodes. No matter.” – Liam Williams

9) “I was adopted at birth and have never met my mum. That makes it very difficult to enjoy any lapdance.” – Bobby Mair

10) “The good thing about lending someone your time machine is that you basically get it back immediately.” –  Chris Coltrane

2012 Best Jokes

1) “You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks.” – Stewart Francis

2) “Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly. ” – Tim Vine

3) “I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister.” – Will Marsh

4) “You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.” – Rob Beckett

5) “I’m good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet … I don’t know why.” – Chris Turner

6) “I took part in the sun tanning Olympics – I just got Bronze.” – Tim Vine

7) “Pornography is often frowned upon, but that’s only because I’m concentrating.” – George Ryegold

8) “I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!” – Stewart Francis

9) “I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: ‘It’s not rocket salad.” – Lou Sanders

10) “My mum’s so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism … she wouldn’t fancy her chances.” – Nish Kumar

2011 Best Jokes

1) “I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.” – Nick Helm

2) “Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.” – Tim Vine

3) “People say ‘I’m taking it one day at a time.’ You know what? So is everybody. That’s how time works.” – Hannibal Buress

4) “Drive Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought … once you’ve hired the car …” – Tim Key

5) “I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. So we stopped playing chess.” – Matt Kirshen

6) “My mother told me, you don’t have to put anything in your mouth you don’t want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards.” – Sarah Millican

7) “I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure.” – Alan Sharp

8) “Someone asked me recently – what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I’m not falling for that one again, wife.” – Mark Watson

9) “I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can’t even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails.” – Andrew Lawrence

10) “My friend died doing what he loved … Heroin.” – DeAnne Smith

Edinburgh Fringe Best Jokes

If you enjoyed this collection of the Edinburgh Fringe best jokes, check the rest of our site for lots more funny jokes, including our great one liners as well as these jokes: