Clock Jokes And Puns

We thought it was time we brought you these funny clock jokes and puns. They’re sure to help you pass the time!

Header image for a page of funny clock jokes and puns.

Funny Clock Jokes

What does a clock do when it’s hungry?

It goes back four seconds.

The repair work on Big Ben is meant to take 3 years.

That’s a long time considering they’re working around the clock.

Have you ever tried eating a clock?

It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

6:30 is the best time on a clock.

Hands down.

A drunk guy is showing his friend his new apartment.

The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.

“What’s that gong for?” the friend asks him.

“It’s not a gong,” the drunk replies. “It’s a talking clock.”

“How does it work?”

The guys picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, “For God’s sake, it’s 3:30 in the morning!”

I can’t believe they fired me from the clock factory.

After all those extra hours I put in.

Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock?

Time will tell.

They should replace batons with clocks in relay races.

It would be a great way to pass the time.

You know what they say about grandfather clocks.

They’re old timers.

Why do the guards around Big Ben always look so tired?

Because they’re working around the clock.

I made a belt out of clocks.

That was a waist of time.

I used to eat watches and clocks for every meal, but I had to stop.

It was too time consuming.

I’ve been teaching myself to juggle clocks.

I guess I have too much time on my hands.

They’re finally making a movie called “Clocks”.

It’s about time.

I recently changed my alarm clock music to a Justin Bieber song.

Now I wake up 5 minutes earlier every day so that I don’t have to listen to it.

For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.

That was quite a rude awakening.

Hickory dickory dock, three mice ran up the clock, the clock struck one…

And the other two escaped with minor injuries.

What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?

Look, no hands!

Before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st, be sure to lift your left leg.

That way you will start off the new year on the right foot.

Why did the clock get fat?

It kept going for seconds.

Why was the clock afraid it would get sick?

Because its hands were constantly touching its face.

As a hobby, my dad keeps stabbing clocks with his knife.

He says it’s a fun way to kill time.

I ordered a chocolate clock from Amazon a few months ago and it hasn’t arrived yet.

Boy, it’s taking its sweet time getting here.

My friend borrowed my grandfather clock the other day.

He owes me big time.

My friend has this weird addiction where he walks into a room and takes the batteries out of all the clocks.

He claims he can stop any time he wants to.

For Christmas, I’m getting my kids an alarm clock that swears at them instead of ringing.

They are in for a rude awakening.

What do you call a clock made out of records?

It’s the vinyl countdown.

I bought part of a clock yesterday, but it was in pretty bad condition.

Probably because it was second hand.

Can a clock make a flea fly?

No, but it can make a tick talk.

Did you guys hear about the kid getting arrested for bringing a clock to school?

Sources say that the teachers were alarmed.

In my community we have a neighborhood watch.

It’s actually more like a clock tower.

I’m thinking of opening a pre-owned clock store.

I’m gonna call it ‘Second Hand’.

What did the Nazi interrogater say to the clock that would only tick?

“Ve have vays of making you tock!”

More Funny Jokes

If you had a good time with these jokes about clocks, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, including these:

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