These funny Air Force jokes and puns are sure to take off, and they definitely won’t bomb – that’s plane to see!
Funny Air Force Jokes
The Air Force has built new missiles filled with strawberry jelly. With these, they can jam enemy radar.
What do German air force pilots eat for breakfast? Luftwaffles.
I asked my buddy who was in the Air Force to buy me a Microsoft tablet today… So I could thank him for his Surface.
Air Force Two should have its name changed. To Spare Force One.
Which country has the worst air force? Turkey; none of them can fly.
My brother just broke the record by downing 22 Russian jets in Ukraine. He’ll forever be remembered as the worst mechanic in the Russian Air Force.
One day at Area 51 a radar tech spots a single engine plane on final approach to the secret Air Force base.
The plane touches down and is immediately surrounded by armed guards.
The plane is impounded and the pilot is whisked off for questioning. The pilot claims that he had been flying from Las Vegas, gotten lost, and nearly run out of fuel, so he put his plane down at the first runway he saw.
After extensive background checks, it is proven that the pilot isn’t a spy and he is set to be released the following morning.
Before he is allowed to leave, he is given the “You didn’t see anything” talk, and is told that under absolutely no circumstances is he allowed to tell anyone where he was, or what he saw.
The Air Force fuels up the man’s plane, gives him a proper heading to get back to Las Vegas, and sends him on his way.
The next day, the man’s plane is again spotted getting ready to land at Area 51. This time there are two people in the plane.
When the plane touches down, it is immediately surrounded by guards again. As soon as it comes to a stop, the man hops out and yells: “Do whatever you want to me, but SOMEBODY has to tell my wife where I was last night.”
An Air Force member recently bought 140 copies of The Little Mermaid. They were planning an Ariel Assault when their CO called from under DC.
Did you hear about the Air Force going AWOL? They went on an air strike.
The Air Force is the most patriotic arm of the US military. Because they’re USAF.
The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker among themselves, is that, they don’t speak the same language.
For instance, take the simple phrase – Secure the building.
The Army would post guards around the place.
The Navy would turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines would kill everyone inside and set up headquarters.
The Air Force would take out a five year lease with an option to buy.
There’s an Air Force guy driving from Wagga to Richmond, and an Army guy driving from Richmond to Wagga.
In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head on and both cars go flying off in different directions.
The Air Force guy manages to climb out of his car and surveys the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says,”Man, I am really lucky to be alive!”
Likewise the Army guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. He too says to himself, “I can’t believe I survived this wreck!”
The Army guy walks over to the Air Force guy and says, “Hey man, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of arch-rivals.”
The Air Force guy thinks for a moment and says, “You know, you’re absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I’m gonna see what else survived this wreck.”
So the Air Force guy pops open his boot and finds a full, unopened bottle of Jack Daniels. He says to the Army guy, “I think this is another sign from God that we should toast to our new found understanding and friendship.”
The Army guy replies, “You’re darn right!” and he grabs the bottle and starts sucking down Jack Daniels.
After putting away nearly half the bottle the Army guy hands it back to the Air Force guy and says, “Your turn!”
The Air Force guy twists the cap back on the bottle and says, “Nah, I think I’ll wait for the cops to show up.”
Flying across the country in Air Force One, the president jokes with his staff. “I’m thinking about tossing a $100 bill out the window and making someone very happy.”
A White House aide comments, “Why don’t you throw twenty $100 bills out the window and make twenty people happy?”
Another staffer jokes, “Why don’t you throw a hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people happy?”
A member of the plane staff, wanting to get in on the act, chimes in and says, “Why don’t you throw yourself out the window and make half the country happy?”
What’s the difference between a school and a terrorist camp?
How would I know, I’m just a US Air Force Operator.
The DOD was conducting an all service briefing and the leader posed this question: “What would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?”
A sailor said, “I’d step on it.”
A soldier said, “I’d squash it with my boot.”
A marine said, “I’d catch it, break the stinger off, and eat it.”
An airman said. “I’d call room service and find out why there’s a tent in my room.”
A World War II Spitfire pilot is speaking in a church and reminiscing about his war experiences.
“In 1942, the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, one day, I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared!”
There are a few gasps from the parishioners, and several of the children began to giggle.
“I looked up, and realized that two of the fokkers were directly above me. I aimed at the first one and shot him down. By then, though, the other fokker was right on my tail.”
At this point, several of the elderly ladies of the church were blushing with embarrassment, the girls were all giggling and the boys laughing loudly.
The pastor finally stands up and says, “I think I should point out that ‘Fokker’ was the name of a German-Dutch aircraft company, who made many of the planes used by the Germans during the war.”
“Yes, that’s true.” says the old pilot. “But these fokkers were flying Messerschmitts!”
Why does the North Korean navy have glass bottom boats? So they can see their air force.
As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum.
No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle.
Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy’s ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother’s hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.
As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. “Excuse me, General,” she asks quietly, “But could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?”
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, “I showed him my pilot’s wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose.”
“So, you’re telling me you’re in the navy yet you don’t know how to swim?”
“Buddy, you’re in the air-force. Do you know how to fly?”
An Air Force pilot, a Naval Officer and an Army Private all go to the bathroom.
When they come out, the Air Force pilot begins thoroughly washing his hands and says, “In the Air Force they taught us the importance of good hygiene.”
The naval officer then begins washing his hands using only a small trickle of water and says, “In the Navy they taught us the importance of good hygiene AND water conservation.”
The army private walks straight out without stopping and says, “In the Army they taught us to not pee on our hands.”
Two Arkansas brothers decide they are going to do their patriotic duty and enlist in the military. The first recruiter’s office they come to is an Air Force recruiter.
The two walk inside, and are greeted by the recruiter who asks, “Gentleman, what can I do for you today?”
One of the brothers speaks up, “My name is Darryl, and this is my brother Billy Ray. We would like to join up Sir.”
“Excellent, tell me men what do you do for a living now?” The recruiter asks.
Billy Ray says, “I’m a pilot.”
The recruiter breaks into a huge smile, “Wonderful, we always need pilots in the Air Force. Come this way and we will get you all set up.”
The recruiter leads Billy Ray out of the room to do his enlistment paperwork.
After about ten minutes, the recruiter returns to talk to Darryl. The recruiter looks at Darryl and says, “So what do you do for a living?”
“I’m a wood chopper,” Darryl replies.
The recruiter frowns, “Oh. Well I am sorry Sir. I am afraid I can’t help you.”
Darryl gets a confused look on his face and asks the recruiter, “What do you mean, you just took my brother?”
“That’s because your brother is a pilot. We need pilots in the Air Force. We just simply have no need for wood choppers in the Air Force.”
Darryl again looks at the recruiter confused and says, “Yeah, but I got to chop the wood before Billy Ray can pile it!”
So, my uncle Mark was a weatherman for the Air Force and one day during a briefing, the Colonel said, “I think we should all thank Mark here for the wonderful weather that we’ve been having for our bombing runs.”
So my uncle says, “I’m in prediction, not production. I think we need to thank the chaplain.”
The chaplain, without missing a beat, says, “I’m in sales, not in management.”
Jokes About The Air Force
If you liked these puns and jokes about the Air Force, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these: