Don’t get shirty but we’ve gone all fancy pants and brought you these funny suit jokes and puns! We’re sure they’ll suit your sense of humor!
Funny Suit Jokes
The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone.
He said, “Fine. Suit yourself.”
What’s Ironman without the suit?
I personally think that beekeeper suits are ugly as anything, but hey…
Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.
I walked into a bar and heard, “Great tie!”
I looked around but didn’t see anyone, then suddenly heard, “Beautiful suit!”
Wondering what was going on, I saw the bartender, walked up to him and asked, “I heard a voice talking about my suit and tie and that they looked cool, but no one’s around. Dude, what’s up?!”
The bartender smiled, “Oh yeah, those are the peanuts. They’re complimentary!”
I started going to the gym in my tuxedo.
Everything went well except the weight lifting…
It’s not my strong suit.
Who wears a red suit and knows if you were naughty or nice?
The Spanish Inquisition.
What do you call a pregnant person in a suit of armor?
Bump in the knight.
What do judges like to wear?
A law suit.
A guy in a wheelchair stole my camouflage suit.
He can hide, but he can’t run.
I’m annoyed because I had to work at the museum tonight moving suits of armor.
I hate knight shifts.
A young man robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors.
But he turned himself in after taking some time to reflect.
Luckily the judge was lenient, as he saw a lot of himself in the young man.
What is space like without a space suit?
What’s the difference between a hobo on a unicycle and a man in a suit on a bike?
It’s getting too hot to wear a suit.
The weather just isn’t suitable.
I threw a ball for my dog yesterday.
Well, it was his birthday and he looks good in a dinner suit.
When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings…
You know she’s a keeper.
What do you call Iron Man when he can’t get out of his suit?
What’s the difference between a well dressed man and a tired dog?
The man wears a suit, the dog just pants.
An old man died and was delivered to the local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, said that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wanted him in a blue suit.
She gave the mortician a blank check and said, “I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.”
The woman returned the next day and to her delight, she found her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fitted him perfectly.
She said to the mortician, “Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?”
To her astonishment, the mortician presented her with the blank check, “There’s no charge.”
“No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit,” she said.
“Honestly, ma’am,” the mortician said, “It cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. So I just switched the heads.”
16 atoms of sodium and a man in a black suit walk into a bar.
Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na, Batman.
My friend and I got kicked out of a NBA game because we went dressed in brightly coloured chicken suits.
Two flagrant fowls means an automatic ejection.
Doctor: Describe your average night.
Patient: They wear suits of armor.
Doctor: No, I mean at bed time.
Patient: They probably take them off.
What does a fish wear when he wants to blend in?
A gillie suit.
If you want to make easy money, just take photographs of salmon dressed in suits, and sell them online.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
Did you know Darth Vader had to pay for his suit?
It cost him an arm and a leg.
How can you get four suits for just one dollar?
Buy a deck of cards.
How is Christmas like your job?
You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
My neighbors just got sent a suit of armor but they weren’t home when it arrived.
I told the delivery driver that they must have gone out for the knight.
What do you call a wolf that models suits?
A wear wolf.
The jacket fought the pants over who was more important to the suit.
It ended up a tie.
Why did the knife dress up in a suit?
Because it wanted to look sharp.
What did the job interviewer say to the too casually dressed interviewee?
I don’t think you’re suited for the job.
What’s the fanciest outfit a vegetable can wear?
A three peas suit.
A man was being sold a very cheap suit.
“But the left arm is a lot longer than the right arm,” he complained.
“That’s why the suit is such a bargain,” the sales clerk explained. “Just raise your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like this.”
“But the right leg is way too short,” argued the customer.
“No problem,” the sales clerk answered. “Just keep your right knee bent a little at all times, walk like this, and no one will notice. That’s why this suit is only thirty dollars.”
After some consideration, the man decided to buy the suit.
He raised his left shoulder into the air, tucked the suit’s left lapel under his chin, bent his right knee, and limped out of the store toward his car where two doctors were walking past and noticed him.
“Good heavens. Look at that poor crippled fellow,” the first doctor said to the second.
“Yeah but doesn’t that suit fit great?”
What do you call a drummer in a suit?
Since you’re in a suit and tie, I’ll have to charge you a $20 fanciness fee.
“Fanciness fee? What the heck is that?”
“It’s a Sir charge.”