Going bald can be a hair-raising experience! There’s not much you can do about a receding hairline though, except laugh about it by way of funny hairline jokes and bald head jokes (and you don’t always get a choice, for example if people are giving you hairline roasts!)
So whatever the state of your hairline, please enjoy this collection of funny hairline jokes and bald head jokes.
Funny Bald Head & Receding Hairline Jokes
My wife keeps making sarcastic comments about my receding hairline.
It’s starting to wear a bit thin now.
What do you call a group of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hairline.
Even though I’ve gone bald I still keep my comb.
I just can’t part with it.
I’m not saying you’re going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.
Your hairline’s so far back you need binoculars to see it.
I first realized I was going bald when it started taking longer and longer for me to wash my face.
I got my father’s weak chin, receding hairline, and big, hook nose.
It was the strangest will reading I’ve ever attended.
You know you’re going bald when you use more toothpaste than shampoo.
I was in a night club last week and this beautiful girl came over to me.
She patted me on my bald head and asked me, “Is it true what they say about bald men making better lovers?”
I said, “I’ve no idea; I’ve never slept with one.”
Why do bald men have holes in their pockets?
So they can run their fingers through their hair.
I don’t consider myself to be bald. I’m just taller than my hair.
Yo Mama‘s hairline got so many peaks and valleys you thought you were looking at the Grand Canyon.
Bob the Builder couldn’t fix your hairline.
Tip: It’s only socially acceptable to insult bald people if they have eyebrows.
Man, your hairline is so far back, archaeologists couldn’t find it.
I don’t want to say my wife’s scalp is thinning out, but with a hairline that wide somebody will be able to drive a truck down the middle and not touch either side.
Yesterday my young son pointed at my bald head and said it looked like a light bulb.
I was incandescent with rage.
I was telling my friend that I wasn’t having much luck in the girlfriend department.
He said I should try online dating then I can meet someone just like me.
I said I didn’t want to date a fat, bald man.
I met a beautiful young woman at a nightclub last week.
We were chatting away and getting on really well when after a while she said she’d got something to show me.
She grabbed her hair and pulled it off – she was wearing a wig and was totally bald underneath it!
She explained, “It’s alopecia, but if you still like me you can ask me anything”.
I’ve always wondered, so I just came right out with it and asked her straight, “Does your condition make you bald in other places?”.
She whispered in my ear, “There’s only one way to find out.”
What an idiot I am. Forgetting about Google at a time like that!
My friend’s been losing his hair and is really insecure about it, so I suggested he should get a transplant.
He didn’t go for it though – he thought he’d look stupid with a kidney on his head.
I told my friend that I expect to go bald.
He asked me, “Is it a family thing?”
I said, “Oh definitely. A nagging wife and four lousy kids.”
I take my hat off to insecure bald men…
I’m not saying my friend’s losing his hair, but lice are starting to picket about deforestation.
I woke up this morning after a heavy night of drinking to find I’d gone bald.
Which is unusual for me – I normally go for brunettes.
I went to get my hair cut yesterday.
The barber said to me, “You’re starting to go bald.”
I said, “Well get a move on then.”
Don’t waste money on hair restorer. Just paint a series of little rabbits on your bald head.
From a distance they look like hares.
More Funny Jokes
If you enjoyed our collection of funny hairline jokes and bald head jokes, why not check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes including our page of one liners and our mullet jokes, as well as these: