Just like halitosis, bad breath jokes tend to stink! But not these ones – we’ve collected together the best we could find just for you. So we hope you enjoy this bumper collection of funny bad breath jokes and puns.
21 Funny Bad Breath Jokes & Puns
My dentist told me I had bad breath.
I was talking to someone in the waiting room at the time.
My friend’s breath is so bad, we don’t know if he needs gum or toilet paper.
As you may know, Mahatma Gandhi, walked barefoot most of the time.
This resulted in an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail.
And as a result of his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
People with bad breath are disgusting.
Luckily, I don’t need to worry about that since discovering free chewing gum under desks.
My dentist told me I had bad breath and gave me some extra strong toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
My friend’s breath is so bad, people look forward to his farts.
I ate so much garlic pasta that I’ve now got Italitosis.
There are two guys sitting by a lake one day, fishing and enjoying the warm summer sun.
A canoeist is passing by, when his canoe suddenly sinks and he disappears under the water and doesn’t re-surface.
After about 10 minutes, the first angler asks the second one if he saw what happened. He said, yes he had.
The first angler says, “Don’t you think we ought to look for him?”
The second angler agrees so they go into the water with their waders and, after searching for a while, drag out a lifeless body.
The first angler says, “Go on then, do something, give him the kiss of life!”
So the second angler kneels down and opens the mouth of the victim.
He pulls away in disgust, “Urrghh! I’m not breathing into that! God, his breath smells revolting!”
The first angler says, “Don’t be so sensitive, this is a life or death situation, you know!” and he kneels down, but he’s also beaten back by the bad breath.
A third fisherman, who has been watching with interest from nearby says, “I think you idiots have got the wrong guy!”
The anglers ask, “What makes you think that?”
“Because that one’s still got his ice skates on!”
Why do people with bad breath always want to tell me secrets?
I was telling my friend that the previous night I’d been in a bar and offered a woman some chewing gum and warned her about her bad breath, and one minute later she’d slapped me across the face.
My friend asked, “Why one minute later?”
I said, “That’s how far away she was.”
How does a scientist freshen their breath?
My friend’s breath is so bad, his dentist will only treat him over the phone.
You know you’ve got bad breath when you shout at your dog and he tries chewing it.
Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
He had bat breath.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
But an onion a day keeps everyone away.
Why do redheads have bad breath?
This newly-wed young couple are on the first night of their honeymoon and the husband is sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, “How can I tell my wife I’ve got really smelly feet and my socks absolutely stink? I’ve managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she’s bound to find out my feet stink now we’re married. So I have to tell her, but how?”
While this is going on, the wife is sitting in the bed saying to herself, “How do I tell my husband I’ve got really bad breath? I’ve been lucky enough to keep it from him while courting, but now we’re married, he’s bound to find out. How do I tell him gently?”
Eventually, the husband plucks up enough courage to go and tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, sits next to his wife and puts his arm around her neck. Then he moves his face close to hers and says, “My darling, I’ve got a confession to make.”
She replies, “So have I, my dear.”
The husband says, “Don’t tell me – you’ve eaten my socks!”
The man accused of bad breath was surprisingly gracious.
He said, “I harbour no recent mints.”
Did you hear that Julie Andrews will no longer be supporting cheap lipstick?
It crumbles easily and makes her breath smell.
In a quote she said, “The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis.”
What do you call bad breath that sneaks up on you?
What do cannibals eat to stop their breath smelling?
More Funny Jokes
If you enjoyed our collection of funny bad breath jokes, why not check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more really funny jokes and laughs, including our hair line and bald head jokes, as well as these: