Get your teeth into these great dental puns and jokes. No need to brace yourself – they’re hilarious, so you won’t be looking down in the mouth after reading them! Enjoy our collection of funny dentist puns, dentist jokes and other dental humor.
Best Dentist Puns
These dentist puns are almost as painful as actually going to the dentist!
My dentist removed the wrong tooth.
It was accidental.
I went to the dentist today and he said he could use gas or a large wooden paddle to knock me out.
It was an ether/oar situation.
I’ve just seen on the news that an orthodontist has been found dead, with a hatchet embedded in his head.
Police are treating it as an axe-i-dental death.
What do you call a dentist who’s a deep thinker?
I can’t stop thinking about the root canal work I need doing.
It’s deeply unnerving.
What do you call two dentists who live on opposite sides of the world?
What’s the best time to go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty (2:30).
What does the dentist of the year get?
A little plaque.
Why do dentists always seem moody?
Because they always look down in the mouth.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused a Novocain injection during root canal treatment?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
Be nice to your dentist.
They have fillings too.
My dentist never stops working.
He’s a compulsive abscessive.
I went to the dentist today.
He said, “I’m going to put this brace on you as a stop-gap measure.”
What’s a dentist’s favorite dinosaur?
What did Plato’s dentist study?
What did Newton’s dentist study?
The molar system.
Where do dentists move when they retire?
What is every dentist’s favorite movie?
Plaque to the Future.
Best Short Dentist Jokes
Enjoy this selection of short and cheesy dentist jokes!
My teeth were stained, so the dentist asked me, “Do you smoke or drink coffee?”
I told him I drink it.
Where does a dentist get his gas?
At the filling station.
Why are dentists’ graves hard to find?
There’s no plaque.
My new dentist called me to say that he needs to make another mold of my teeth.
He made a terrible first impression.
What did the dentist do on the roller coaster?
He braced himself.
I went to the dentist today and he seemed very distracted.
I think he was brushing me off.
I went to the dentist.
He said, “Say, Aahhh”
I said, “Why?”
He said, “My dog’s died.”
What did the dentist say to the computer?
This won’t hurt a byte.
“Please scream as loud as you possibly can,” says the dentist to his patient.
The patient is confused, “Why should I do that?”
“The waiting room’s full and the football starts in ten minutes.”
I went on a date with a dentist last night.
At the end of the date, she said she’d had a great time and she’d like to see me again in 6 month’s time.
Why didn’t the dentist ask his receptionist out?
He was already taking a tooth out.
I’ve finally put my money where my mouth is.
I’ve got a gold filling.
What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
The dentist is taking me out tonight.
What did the dentist see at the North Pole?
A molar bear.
Who was the architect of the dentist office building?
I don’t know, they removed the plaque.
What do you call two dentists who live across the country from each other?
I’ve just seen a dentist having a big row with a manicurist.
They fought tooth and nail.
What was the dentist doing in Panama?
Looking for the root canal.
I got kicked out of the dentist’s for using all the nitrous oxide.
I had the last laugh though.
Why didn’t the patient show up at the dentist for their root canal?
They lost their nerve.
Why do dentists like potatoes?
Because they’re so filling.
What do you call a dentist who doesn’t like tea?
What did the dentist say to the golfer?
You have a hole in one.
Why did the king go to the dentist?
To get a new crown.
My dentist always asks dumb questions like “When’s the last time you flossed?”
Like bro you were there.
How did the dentist become a brain surgeon?
The drill slipped.
My dentist mocked me today, saying that even though he’s much older than me, he has healthier teeth.
I said it must be because he has the better dentist.
My grandma died peacefully, 93, in the chair.
Nice way to go.
The dentist got a shock, though.
The dentist said to me, “This will hurt.”
I said, “Okay.”
He said, “I’ve been having an affair with your wife.”
Why was the dentist invited to King Charles Coronation?
Because the King needed a new crown.
Dentist: Okay now open up.
Me: I lost my job, my family doesn’t love me (cries).
It’s time to dump my dentist.
His wall is full of plaques.
What do you call an Irish dentist?
Why do carpenters have no fear of the dentist?
They know the drill.
Why did the iPad goto the dentist?
He had a Bluetooth.
I hear dentists are going on strike.
I made a nice jacket potato the other day, and took it to the dentist.
Well, it needed some fillings.
My dentist told me I don’t floss enough.
So I started taking dance classes.
Why did the train go to the dentist?
It had problems choo-chewing.
What did the judge say to the dentist?
Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?
Why was the dentist made redundant?
He was only filling in.
My dentist has a TV on the ceiling so patients can watch shows while he works.
He calls it Netflix and drill.
I don’t let my kids see the pictures of teeth the dentist takes.
They’re usually Xray-ted.
My dentist said I had a really bad cavity.
I said we should get to the root of the problem.
What did the dentist say to the tooth when he had to leave the room?
I’ll fill you in when I get back.
What did the dentist name his boat?
The Tooth Ferry.
What’s another name for a dentist’s office?
A filling station.
Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
I don’t know, the dentist kept it.
Dentist: You need a crown.
Patient: Finally, someone who understands me.
My dentist told me I’m right on the brink of having tooth decay.
He said the situation was precarious.
Why did the two dentists get married?
Because they were so enameled of each other.
I went to see my dentist the other day but she was on holiday.
There was a locum filling in.
Father: Don’t you feel better now that you’ve been to the dentist?
Son: Sure do. He wasn’t in.
How many dentists does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to administer the anesthetic, one to extract the light bulb, and one to offer the socket mouthwash.
Who has the most dangerous job in Transylvania?
My wife who was a dentist passed away.
I’ve loved and I’ve flossed.
Why has being a dentist gotten so much easier?
Because all the kids are flossing all the time now.
What did the werewolf eat after he’d had his teeth taken out?
The dentist says my teeth are like a string of pearls.
Each one has a hole through it.
What do dentists and the TSA have in common?
What to do you call an old dentist?
A bit long in the tooth.
The dentist asked me if I had sensitive toothpaste at home.
I told her toothpaste and I don’t talk about our feelings.
What does a dentist call an astronaut’s cavity?
A black hole.
What’s the difference between American and British dentists?
British dentists tend to be more careful with their patients whereas American dentists tend to yank teeth.
Patient: What did you do before you became a dentist?
Dentist: I was in the army.
Patient: What did you do in the army?
Dentist: I was a drill sergeant.
Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?
Dentist: Wear a brown tie.
Why did the tree go to the dentist?
To get a root canal.
What game did the dentist play when she was a child?
Caps and robbers.
A patient asked the dentist if it wasn’t nasty to spend the day with the hands in someone’s mouth.
The dentist answered, “I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet.”
Long Dentist Jokes
Here are some of our favorite funniest dentist jokes!
A patient goes to the dentist for a tooth extraction.
The dentist gives him some anesthesia and then quickly pulls out the tooth.
He says to the patient, “That’ll be $500, please.”
The patient says, “What! $500 for 5 minutes of extraction work? That’s a complete rip-off!”
The dentist replies, “Well, I can make it longer if you’d like.”
This guy and a girl meet at a bar and get to chatting.
They get on extremely well and when the bar closes they decide to go back to the girl’s place for a drink.
After a few drinks, things are getting a bit frisky. The guy takes off his shirt and washes his hands.
He then takes off his socks and washes his hands.
The girl says to him, “You must be a dentist!”
The guy is amazed and says, “Well yes, but that’s amazing. How did you know that?”
The woman replies, “That’s easy. You keep washing your hands.”
Anyway, after that things get even friskier and they end up in bed, where one thing leads to another.
After their passionate love making is over the woman says, “Wow, you must be a great dentist!”
The guy is a bit taken aback but pleased nonetheless and says, “Yeah, I sure am a great dentist. But how did you know that?”
The woman says, “That’s easy. I didn’t feel a thing.”
A man coughed violently, and his false teeth shot across the room and smashed against the wall.
“Oh, dear,” he said. “Whatever shall I do? I can’t afford a new set.”
“Don’t worry,” said his friend. “I’ll get a pair from my brother for you.”
The next day the friend came back with the teeth, which fitted perfectly.
“This is wonderful,” said the man. “Your brother must be a very good dentist.”
“Oh, he’s not a dentist,” replied the friend, “He’s an undertaker.”
A man goes to his doctor and says, “Doc, every time I fart it sounds like the word Honda.”
The doctor looked him over and sent him to a specialist who also was clueless.
So a couple months later the man is at his dentist and he asks if the dentist knows any good doctors and about his odd flatulence.
The dentist chuckled and said, “Well thank you for telling me, I’ll make sure and find your abscessed tooth and remove it.”
The guy replies, “Oh, how do you know I have an abscess?”
The dentist replies “Everyone knows that abscess makes the fart go Honda!”
A guy walks into the dentist’s office with his wife and says to the dentist, “Listen Doc, I’m in a real hurry. I’ve got three buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to play golf, so don’t worry about the anesthetic. I don’t have time for to wait for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! Today is Friday and we have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it’s 9:15 already.”
The dentist thinks, “Wow! This is one brave guy asking to have a tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain.”
So he says to the man, “Sure Sir, which tooth is it?”
The guy turns to his wife and says, “Open your mouth and show him, dear.”
A man and a woman were traveling in a train.
The woman said, “Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place.”
The man replied, “Aww! Are you single?”
The woman said, “No, I’m a dentist.”
“Open wider” requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient.
“Good God!” he said startled. “You’ve got the biggest cavity I’ve ever seen, the biggest cavity I’ve ever seen.”
“Okay Doc!” replied the patient, “I’m scared enough without you saying something like that twice.”
“I didn’t!” said the dentist. “That was the echo.”
Johnny’s mother was on the telephone to the boy’s dentist.
“I don’t understand it,” she complained. “I thought his treatment would only cost me $20, but you’ve charged me $80.”
“It is usually $20, ma’am,” agreed the dentist, “But Johnny yelled so loudly that three of my other patients ran away!”
On Monday I said to my boss, “I’ve a dentist’s appointment this afternoon. Can I leave at two and make up the time later in the week?”
“Yeah, that’s no problem,” he said.
On Friday he came up to me and said, “What’s this? You’ve put on your timesheet that you finished at 5 o’clock on Monday.”
I replied, “Yeah I know. I told you I’d make the time up.”
Dentist One Liner Jokes
Just like a dentist’s needle, these one liner dentist jokes are sharp and to the point!
I was going out with this girl and I never knew she had a dental implant until it came out in conversation one day.
I’ve been to the dentists lots of time, so I know the drill.
Why do dentists call them “Dental x-rays” when they could just call them tooth pics.
I went to the dentist without lunch and he gave me a plate.
Dentists have the same old grind, day after day.
My toothache is driving me to extraction.
The dentist’s alibi was full of holes, so the police performed a cavity search.
Going to the dentist can be very full filling.
If a dentist makes money off people with bad teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
A woman saying she’s not mad at you is like a dentist saying you won’t feel a thing.
I had to change dentists because the last one hurt my fillings.
My cavity wasn’t fixed by my regular dentist, but by a guy who was filling in.
I didn’t realise my uncle had a false tooth until it came out in conversation.
I got my job at the dentist’s office by word of mouth.
A good dentist is a little picky; a great dentist never gets on your nerves.
Dentists don’t like a hard day at the orifice.
Dentists: helping you put your money where your mouth is.
Jokes About Dentists
If you enjoyed this collection of funny dentist puns, the best dentist jokes and other dental humor, why not check out the rest of LaffGaff where you’ll find lots more really funny jokes and laughs, including these: