Some people have nightmares while some have just plain bizarre dreams. Whatever kind of dreamer you are, if you need funny sleep puns and jokes, you’ll never be caught napping again! That’s because you couldn’t dream of better sleep puns than these. So enjoy them.
Funny Sleep Puns
I was offered a job at a mattress factory.
I asked them if I could sleep on it.
When you dream in color, is it a pigment of your imagination?
I went to a gig last night and the band’s guitarist passed out on stage.
He must have rocked himself to sleep.
Last night, I kept dreaming that I had written Lord of the Rings.
My wife said I’d been Tolkien in my sleep.
I accidentally went to bed with my contact lenses in last night.
My dreams have never been clearer.
I have a condition that makes me eat when I can’t sleep.
It’s called insom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nia.
Do taller people sleep longer in bed?
What do you call the medical condition where your feet go to sleep?
Coma-toes.
How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rocket.
My daughter couldn’t get to sleep last night so I repeatedly said “Bursary” until she nodded off.
It was the only nursery rhyme I could think of.
I went to bed with my music playing last night.
I had a sound sleep.
Is your iPad making you fall asleep?
There’s a nap for that.
Do you ever get tired of sleeping?
My friend asked me if they could borrow some sleeping pills.
I said “Sure, knock yourself out.”
Learning to sleep upside down is often hard for baby bats.
But they soon get the hang of it.
The male pig puts everyone to sleep.
You could say he’s quite the boar.
My girlfriend asked why I put a watch on the bed before going to sleep.
I told her I wanted to wake up on time
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin’ catholic.
A sleeping bag is a nap sack.
What idiot called it “insomnia”, and not “resisting a rest”?
What do you get when you eat cookies in bed?
Crummy sleep.
I got paid for being part of a study at the sleep clinic.
It was my dream job.
Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bull dozer.
There was a kidnapping at school yesterday.
It’s okay though, he woke up.
My cat sleeps on a down pillow.
I’ve always had a soft spot for her.
Do people who climb the world’s highest mountain ever rest?
Why do dragons sleep during the day?
So they can fight knights.
What pill do you give an elephant who can’t sleep?
A trunkquilizer.
Is a sleeping bag a nap sack?
What do you call a person who sleeps next to a close relative?
A napkin.
Where do fish sleep?
In a river bed.
I always sleep on a chandelier.
I’m a light sleeper.
Have you heard about those new corduroy pillow cases?
They’re really making headlines.
Funny Sleep Jokes
My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night.
Nearly poked my eye out.
Someone stole hundreds of cans of Red Bull from our local store.
I don’t know how they can sleep at night.
I want to die like my grandpa did, in his sleep.
Not screaming and shouting like the people in the back seat of his car.
My buddy asked if he could crash on my couch tonight.
I had to explain to him that I was married now and that’s where I sleep.
Don’t ever take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time.
But if you do, you’ll sleep like a baby.
A recent study found out how much sleep a normal teenager needs.
Just five more minutes.
I am having hard time deciding whether I should throw away my old pillow.
I think I’ll sleep on it.
A retired boxer goes to see his doctor because he’s having trouble sleeping.
“Have you tried counting sheep?” the doctor asks.
“I tried,” the boxer explains, “But every time I get to the number nine I stand up.”
Why do secret agents get the best sleep?
Because they’re always undercover.
Why don’t keyboards sleep.
They have two shifts.
Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and be glad that you are alive?
I did and apparently I won’t be allowed on this airline again.
I tried sleeping at the gym but it was fitful.
To the person who stole my coffee, my lamp and my parrot…
I don’t know how you sleep at night
Apparently, 29% of pet owners let their pet sleep on the bed with them, so I gave it a try.
My goldfish died.
How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
At Christmastime, there’s nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep.
Maybe that’s why I’m no longer a fireman.
My wife complains that she will not share the same bed as “me and my smelly bum.”
Well, I don’t like him sleeping on the street.
Bed Jokes & Puns
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?
Add spring water.
My friend said to me, “I won’t use stores that gender kids’ beds.”
I said, “Like a boycott?”
She said, “Don’t you start.”
Every morning after I wake up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to Ikea.
I’m good in bed.
Hardly ever fall out.
My wife and I bought a water bed recently.
Since then we’ve drifted apart.
If you’re feeling down, try drinking a pint of water before going to bed.
It’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
My wife just found out that I’ve replaced our bed with a trampoline.
She hit the roof.
I suggested to my wife that we should build the kids beds above each other to save space.
She debunked my idea.
My Granddad used to sleep under the bed.
I think he was a little potty.
What do musicians use in bed?
Sheet music.
Snoring Jokes & Puns
Apparently I snore so loudly that …
I scare all the passengers in the car I’m driving.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dinosnore.
Snoring is an indication of a sound sleep.
Snoring comes easily to me.
In fact, I can do it in my sleep.
My wife recently started snoring, so I decided to use earplugs.
But I can only get one in before she wakes up; it turns out she doesn’t like it when I shove earplugs up her nose.
A guy walks into a doctors office and says, “You’ve gotta help me, doc. I snore so loudly that I keep waking myself up, what can I do?”
“Oh, that’s easy,” replies the doctor. “Just sleep in another room.”
More Funny Puns
If these funny puns and jokes about sleep are all you ever dreamed of, why not check out all our other funny puns & jokes too, such as our morning jokes and coffee jokes, as well as these:
